99 Days Without You

Days 72-74

Day Seventy-Two:

The boys came over today. It was the first time seeing them in basically a month. They must have expected more… maybe a happier version of myself—like I was before. Well, newsflash for them, I will never be that Louis again. I know that for a fact now. You took a chunk of me with you, Harry. I’m only a part of what I was before. Now I’m broken, torn apart inside. Niall and Liam hugged me tightly for a while, crying tears of happiness and relief to see that I had gained weight. They claim to be happy that I was back, but I don’t think they were. I’m not the Louis they know or love, I’m a stranger. As for Zayn, he just stood back for a while as he waited for the other two to finish welcoming me home. When they were through he hugged me as well. I think he may have cried the hardest.

Day Seventy-Three:

I emerged from the flat this morning, in just a bathrobe and slippers. The sun was shining harshly in my eyes, and I frowned in distaste. All I needed was some milk for my cereal, but of course, nothing always goes as planned. At the sight of me, about four or five girls began to squeal, instantly ushering themselves closer to me. I really wasn’t in the mood, but I put on the show. You know how that goes. They began to chatter excitedly to me, talking about absolutely nothing that mattered to me, and I forced a tight grin on my face.

Suddenly they became quiet as they took in my appearance, and one slowly stepped forward to give me a small hug. Though it may have just been an excuse to touch me, I appreciated the girl’s gesture. I didn’t mean to, but I began to cry in her arms. She only stood there, holding me until my cries ceased to sniffling and backed away to wipe my tears.

“We all loved him, you know. You two loved each other though, and that was obvious. He loved you so much Lou, don’t forget that. Don’t you ever forget that.” She had whispered, and squeezed me one last time before walking away. She hadn’t even asked for an autograph or a picture, and that’s when I realized: our fans truly do care. It’s not just about the fact that we’re famous, or “cute”. I realized a lot today. But one huge thing in particular that I feel the need to share with you is that I realized I can’t live without you.

Day Seventy-Four:

I tried to fight the urge, but it had been calling me for quite a while. I punched another mirror today, with my good hand of course. The sight of the crimson liquid seeping through the newly created cracks in my skin fascinated me, and I let myself sit there and bleed myself dry until I felt nothing but numb. There was no pain, only a lingering calmness sweeping through me until I let myself drift off into unconsciousness.