99 Days Without You

Days 27-30

Day Twenty-Seven:

Today I spent the entire day in bed. I ignored every call and every text. Niall, Zayn, and Liam all came by at one point, pounding on my bedroom door telling me to open up and just talk to them. I began to feel guilty once again, putting them through so much pain. I just wish that the pain would stop.

Day Twenty-Eight:

When I emerged from my room this morning, I found Niall sleeping beside my doorway. He looked so tired and hopeless that I began to cry. I had done that to him. I had sucked the life from every single one of them. All because I was being selfish. My crying then woke him up, and he gathered me into his arms. Niall gives great hugs, as you know, so I clutched onto him for a long time, not once hearing a complaint from him, or feeling him pull away. He cried along with me, and at that moment I felt closer to Niall than I ever had. I regret not giving him more attention before.

Day Twenty-Nine:

Tomorrow will be a whole month. An entire month since you’ve been gone and I find it hard to wrap my head around. It feels as though it was just yesterday you were full of life and laughing so hard you did that silly little clapping thing with your hands. This is real, isn’t it?

Day Thirty:

Today the boys and I spent a day of silence in your honor, refusing to answer any calls or text, or even just talk to each other. It was pure silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable one though; it actually felt a little nice. We lounged around yours and mine flat today, putting in your favorite movies to watch throughout the day. We all sat huddled together, grasping onto each other as we cried our eyes out. Sniffles echoed throughout the room and tissues were crumpled into piles surrounding us. We were a sorry sight to see.

But needless to say, that was the closest I had felt with them in a while.