99 Days Without You

Days 75 and 76

Day Seventy-Five:

I just realized that it’s been over two months without you, and that only makes this more real. I’m nothing but an empty shell now. I live with no purpose and I have nothing left to give to this world. The pain is never-ending.

Day Seventy-Six:

I pulled out your note again today. It was tucked away to the back of my bedside drawer, in my own attempt to hide it away from myself. But I just had to see your handwriting, and read the words printed on the page that I know by heart, words which I could recite in my sleep. I feel guilty now more than ever, as the pang of guilt is beginning to seep through my soul once more. It’s never left, but re-reading your note has hurt me in ways I had never imagined were possible until now. Eleanor is long gone; she’s out of the picture. I haven’t called her back ever since I ended things. I can’t believe it took you being gone for me to realize she wasn’t what I wanted. You could have just told me. I would have dumped her right then and there. I should have told you, I guess, but I wasn’t aware of those feelings at the moment. All I can do is blame myself though. It’s my fault and it always will be.