Over Again (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

HARRY'S POV

               Sitting in my room, I looked up at the wall in front of me. All the notes, all the pictures, everything that had ever happened in my life was on this wall. I reached out, touching a picture of my sister. I thought she was my sister, but I haven't seen her in years so I wasn't positive.

             I continued looking, seeing notes that I could tell was from a nerdy side of me. I had some kind of magazine clipping from an article about biology. Do I like biology? Is biology fun? Is that a part of me? I have no clue who I am, I have no clue who I want to be or who I ever was.

             I continued, getting to the notes that I hated. I must be angry. It's the only explanation. I had suicide threats and letters that I wrote to Liam and other staff members about how I want to kill them. I couldn't read them right now or else I'd become upset, so I took a deep breath and shook out my curls.

                   My beautiful curly hair. I was limited with how much time I'm allowed in front of a mirror. They're afraid I'll punch it and break it again. I barely knew what I looked like. Louis said he loved my green eyes. He said he loved my curly hair. I have curly hair and green eyes and dimples. Louis loves dimples.

                I looked around the board until I finally found the only thing on this board that I loved. The note Louis had written me that one day after leaving me alone when I must have fell asleep. He said he loved me. Could he really love me? Is it possible to love me?

                I didn't know myself, but I knew I hated myself. I tried to smile and be happy around Louis since I knew he was struggling with living here away from his family, but I didn't like myself. I was insane. I didn't know what I was doing half the time, and I always ended up places and have no recollection of how I got there.

              I could tell by all these little things on the wall that I must be bad. I abused people and tried to kill people. But I also look back at my childhood, the one thing I remember clearly. My father was that kind of person. Controlling, aggressive, dominant. Liam explained to me that that's why I might be that way some of that time. Liam said he called that it was just one side of me.

                He also said another side of me was shy and clingy and so desperately needy. How was I supposed to deal with that? I knew I was clingy but to think a side of me was so clingy that I am diagnosed with co-dependency disorder is ridiculous. I can't get anything right.

              A third side of me is the side who puts all these stupid things on my wall. Do I really think the anatomy of dolphins is interesting? Do I really care about sociology and all the laws of the country? Am I that kind of person? I read over some of it, and it did seem a bit interesting, but not enough that I would read them all the time.

               I pulled myself up, heading over to lay on the bed. I saw that it was empty, but ruffled. I felt my heart race, and soon my mind was blank.

             Wait, what? Wasn't I asleep? Why am I standing? I looked around rubbing my eyes. I crawled into the bed, hiding down under the covers. I hid my face, and just wanted to hide. This place was scary. Everyone here was scary and they all called me Harry and that wasn't my name. Harold is my name.

              The only one who calls me Harold is Louis. He's nice and I love him. We've never talked but we've cuddled and he's kept the bad people away from me. When he's hear, he cuddles me and talks to me even if I don't talk back. Louis is my Louis and he can never leave or else I won't be Harold. I'll just be Harry, and I don't like Harry.

                "Harry? Mid-afternoon medicine." I heard one of the nurses, Lou, walk in. My Louis' name was Lou. I called him Lou, but I don't like this Lou. She's a girl and I hate girls. Louis isn't a girl. He's sexy and manly and I love that for him. He's my Louis. I quivered under the covers but I held my hand out so she could put the medicine in it.

                I knew if I didn't take the medicine she would just give me it in a shot, and then I'd have a hole in my arm. Louis wouldn't think I was cute if I had a hole in my arm. I cuddled the pillow, slowly swallowing the pills dry. I bet Louis would think it was sexy that I took the pills dry. Louis would think it was cute that I cuddled the pillow. Louis would love it.

                As I went to fall asleep, I heard Liam come in and talk to the nurse about me. "I think we need to take him to the garden, get him outside. Since we told Louis he couldn't be with him, he hasn't left the room." I hadn't been listening, but when I heard them mention Louis I listened. Why would they tell my Louis to stay away from me? He was mine!

                  My heart raced again, and I didn't know what it was but I was angry. "Shut the fuck up!" I sat up in bed, glaring at Liam and Lou who both jumped at my loud voice. "Get out! GET OUT!" I yelled, crossing my arms. When they didn't leave, I quickly got up and was going to hurt them until they left.

               I heard the lock on my door clicked and I just growled, kicking the knob. "Assholes! I didn't want to fucking go anywhere anyways!" I clenched my fists, unclenching a few times. I hate it here! I hate being in this fucking place! I want to go home!

             I want to be in my own fucking house and I want to have sex and I want to beat up faggots like Louis. Louis fucking Tomlinson is so queer. He rolls his pants and his hair is in a fringe. He looks like a gay Justin Bieber. He is so ugly and his nose is ugly.

                I went into my bag of stuff, which was practically empty since they took everything. I grabbed the underwear I stole from Louis and changed into them, laying back in bed almost-naked now. He deserves this! I bet he'd like knowing his dick is in the same place mine is. He deserves for me to beat him up! I will.

               He's so ugly and gay, I just want to kiss him and make him shut up. Maybe I'll make him suck me off, I bet he'd like that. I bet he would like it so much that he'd even ask me to be his boyfriend. Maybe I'd say yes. Maybe he would like me like I like him. Maybe he would love me back. He said he did but he's just a gay loser so maybe he lied. I hate him but oh how I'm so in love with him.

               Maybe he'll fucking love me so me and him can fucking move in together and I can make him do gay things and love me. I love him, maybe I wouldn't hurt him. Maybe...Maybe if he just gave me a chance, we could start things all over again.

　

　

Hello my curlies!

Sorry if this posts twice, my stories seem to be doing that a lot.

Just a short chapter in Harry's POV. I showed 3 of his personalities, so maybe you can understand them a bit more. Opinions? I tried not to include anything too graphic, since Harry has done/said/included some gruesome life events, but I don't know.

Read my other stories please!

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