Impossibly Certain [dan howell]

t h r e e

Steam swirled around the small hotel bathroom, and I swiped my hand over the mirror. I stood fully naked after my shower in front of the mirror, looking at myself. My legs, spotted with cuts and bruises from my clumsy nature, always seemed short and stubby to me. My eyes trailed up to my stomach, and I pinched the flab below my belly-button. Kayla always assures me that I'm not 'fat,' and in no way do I think I am obese. But, I can't help but look at my full thighs and wish they had a gap between them, or that I could confidently wear a bikini and not want to cover my belly every time I sat down. It's not that I hate my body, I mean, sometimes I love it. But every now and then, like everyone else, I get insecure.

I sighed, throwing on a black dress that hugged my waist, but was flowy enough to hide my insecurities. I called Kayla into the bathroom, as she wanted to do my make-up for the Creator's party tonight.

"You look hot tonight," she said, smirking.

I looked away, still feeling a bit unconfident, "I guess," I said.

"Not this again. Listen, you really need to get laid. I promise it makes you feel, like, 100% better about everything," she said, applying some light eyeliner.

"Yeah, probably not," I laughed. "You know I'm not one for hooking up with people for the hell of it."

She smirked in response, "You would if it was Dan."

"Oh my god, Kayla, stop," I laughed, flinching away from her.

"Stop moving, I need to get the wing just right!"

We arrived at the party, and Kayla's eyes lit up with excitement. She was totally in her element here. Most of the time at clubs and parties, I just follow her around, basically being a wing-woman until she finds someone. Tonight, however, I couldn't help but look around for one person in particular.

"Hey, Juliet lover-eyes, he's right over there." Kayla yelled in my ear, pointing through a group of people to Dan. I blushed at the sight of him, and Kayla just laughed. "Go talk to him!"

I looked over at her, and she just sighed and pushed me on my way. I began to make my way over to him when his group started to walk away. My heart dropped, and I quickly aborted the mission.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit," I said, swiveling my feet and looking around for Kayla. However, she was nowhere to be seen. I stood on the tips of my feet, trying to see over the heads of the various Youtubers.

"Motherfucker," I whispered.

I felt a hand tap on my shoulder and someone ask, "Ophelia?"

Turning around, I'm met with two chocolate-brown eyes and that fucking half-smile. My mouth dropped open, half-surprised that he was actually standing in front of me.

"I saw you coming over, thought I'd say hi. We never got to talk back at the airport, how are you?" he asked, casually.

"Fine," I barely squeaked out, probably inaudible under the loud music. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

"Sorry," I said a little louder, "I, uh, am a really big fan of your videos. You're awesome."

He smiled and looked down at me with admiration, "You do? I actually watch your videos quite often as well," he said.

Holy shit, he watches my videos. Suddenly, every stupid thing I have done for a video came back to me. I almost cried at the thought.

"You're literally so funny," he said, and I swear he knew what I was thinking, "Don't worry, we all do questionable things for views," he said.

I smiled, wondering how he could have possibly known, but I was thankful nonetheless. Coming from him, the compliment not only subdued any current embarrassment, but all the insecurities that were swimming in my head earlier this evening.

"Thank you, Dan, that means a lot," I said, smiling. He brought his eyebrows together, obviously missing what I said. I nodded, dismissing what I said.

Instead, he leant down to me, turning his head to the side so I could repeat it. I felt my stomach drop at the close proximity.

"Thank you, It-" I started, but was interrupted be someone giving me a big hug.

"Fee! Ohmygodit'ssogreattoseeyou!" another Youtube friend said. She grabbed my hand, insisting that I say hi to some other people, and I turned to look back at Dan. Too awkward to tell my friend I really didn't want to go, I mouthed the word 'sorry' towards him, and he gave me a smile reassuringly.

The rest of the night I couldn't help but replay our small interaction in my head, yearning for the next time I get to see him.

:D