Impossibly Certain [dan howell]

n i n e

Spending time with Dan and Phil has become a regular thing for Kayla and I. Slowly, the fans have gotten used to our new tendencies, and quickly we were assigned the title of 'squad goals.' Whether it was our flat or there's we would have movie nights, game nights, whatever. We started to learn each other's quirks, and before we knew it we were a part of each other's lives.

As I sat drinking a beer with Dan, I watched him throw his head back and laugh at something I said. I watched the dimple engrave into his check, and the overall light emanating from him. I felt my heart yearn for more of him every day, to take him in my arms and hold him tight. I can't begin to describe the feeling, almost as if a magnetic force pulls be to him, and suddenly I am in his world. I heard Phil get up to get a drink, pulling me out of my trance.

I looked over at my phone, quickly loosing energy. Before I even opened my mouth, Dan smiled at me, "Charger is in my bedroom, next to the night stand."

I smiled and thanked him, walking out of their lounge and down the hallway. The kitchen to the door was open, where Phil was looking into the fridge. I smiled walking by, but he stopped me.

"Hey, Fee? Can I talk to you?" he asked, peeking around the door frame. I looked down at my phone, 1%.

"Actually, I just need to grab-"

"Do you like him?" he asked quietly. I felt my stomach drop. My heart ached at I saw Phil's wide eyes prodding for an answer.

"What?" I managed to say, by habit closing off my feelings.

"You don't have to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," he said softly, and the corner of his lips turned up. I could never lie to him. I looked down the hallway and then walked into the kitchen. Phil leant up against the counter, and I sighed.

"Yes. I-I have feelings for Dan," I spoke softly, "But if you don't mind, I'd rather you not tell him." I asked.

"I would never. No worries." He said, and I sighed with relief. "But, there is something I want you to know about Dan." He started, and just like that the anxiety came flooding back into my mind.

"It's just that...Dan isn't some prince out of a movie." He said, and I furrowed my brow in confusion. "What I'm saying is, don't expect Dan to ever be that guy who in the end spills all his feeling for you in some romantic and dramatic way. He just isn't that kind of guy. He won't unexpectedly kiss you in the rain, and he will certainly not one day just ask you out. Dan, although he seems it sometimes, isn't that confident of a guy when it comes to dealing with his feelings."

My breath quickened as I widened my eyes with everything he was saying. I knew in the back of my mind the whole time that he was right, that Dan won't come save me from my thoughts. Nevertheless, my mind is doing everything Phil told me not to do, and more. My daydreams have become a different person than to who was in front of me.

I sighed, for what felt like the millionth time in the past three minutes.

"I guess you're right." I said, and Phil's eyes looked at my sympathetically. "Phil, has Dan ever, well, mentioned having feelings for me?" I said carefully.

He smiled, "Whenever I bring it up, he always seems to change the subject. I think that there's something he's not telling me, but I couldn't say anything for sure. I don't want to get your hopes up." He said, looking down at his feet, as if it was the hardest thing to talk about Dan in this sort of matter. It probably was.

"Okay."

"Fee, like I said, he isn't going to swoop in and confess his love. If you want to know whether or not he likes you, you're probably going to have to be the one to bring it up. If, that is, you can find the courage."

I gripped the counter top, closing my eyes. "Having feelings sucks."

Phil laughed, which lightened the mood. He had nothing left to say, and neither did I, so I heard him move toward the door and I followed him.

When we turned the corner, Dan was there. "Hey guys, uh, what were you doing in there?" he asked, looking in between us.

I felt my cheeks burn, and thankfully Phil answered for me. "Just talking," he smiled. Phil walked around him and into the lounge, and I stayed where I was, looking up at Dan.

"Why are you being so weird?" Dan laughed, and I laughed along with him, pushing my daydreams away into the deepest parts of my
mind.

sorry i take so long to update school is a bitch:)