Impossibly Certain [dan howell]

f i f t e e n

There was a moment of silence after his confession. A deafening, tormenting, moment of silence. All I could see was him. All I could feel is my heart thumping against my ribs as if cracking them. How spectacular, how rare that two young, stupid kids with the inability to face emotional intimacy can confess their feelings so freely. That, my friends, is love. Love is without warrant or control, it's loud and it's there—even when we don't want it to be.

Soon it was all too much. I took two steps and met him, fisting his jacket in my palms and pulling his face towards mine. We hesitated, first our noses brushed, and then our lips ever so slightly. I felt my stomach drop when his hands grabbed my hips and he pushed his lips on mine. I pressed my body into his in an attempt to be closer. His hands ran up and down my sides as if under falling water, and I melted under his touch. I pulled him backwards, taking haphazard steps towards my room as our kiss became more rushed. When we got inside my room we broke apart for a moment as he kicked the door closed, but we met once again, our lips in sync.

We fell onto my bed, and I straddled his waist. We kissed for god only knows how long, until he pulled away. I lazily opened my eyes and smiled.

"We should stop," he said, breathlessly.

I blushed. God, he must think I'm desperate. I quickly climbed off him and fixed my hair.

"No, it's not you. Not at all, trust me," He said, smirking. "I just, I want to do this right."

I sighed, and he took my hand and smiled. "You're right." I said, steadying my breathing. "Can we just, lay here then?" I asked, shyly.

He chuckled. "Come here."

He pulled me over next to him and I put my cheek on his chest. His arm wrapped around me and for the first time in the past few months I have felt at home.

***

"Alright, lovebirds, you have to come out eventually." I heard Kayla yelled from the other side of the door. I slipped out of bed and flashed Dan a smile before running over to open the door.

Kayla stood on the other side, arms crossed. "Welcome to the real world, Juliet."

I rolled my eyes as I heard Dan behind me say, "Hello Kayla." I pushed past her and she followed me into the kitchen.

"So...how was it?" she asked quietly.

"How was what?" I asked, innocently.

"Oh come on, you and Dan haven't left your room in nearly three days. I only see you come out maybe to get food. You can't tell me you guys didn't fuck."

"We are taking things slow." I said, poaring some cereal for myself.

"So taking things slow is having a three day sleepover?" She laughed.

I shook my head and smiled. Dan emerged into the kitchen with messy hair and a lazy smile. "I think I'm going to head home. Phil is going to have a heart-attack if I don't respond eventually."

I smiled, "Okay, have a good day."

He glanced at Kayla who had her eyebrows raised expectantly. Dan blushed, but stepped forward anyway and gave me a soft kiss.

"I'll call you." He said quietly, before ducking out of the kitchen and out of our apartment.

Kayla jumped up, "Agh, Finally!" she yelled.

"Oh come on people stay over here all the time for you," I said, defensively.

"No I wasn't talking about that, YOU GUYS ARE FINALLY TOGETHER!" She screamed.

I laughed at her, but she continued. "Oh my god, we need to celebrate. Please, can we go out tonight?" She asked.

"I guess." I said, smiling. "Anyway, don't say anything yet to anybody about Dan and I. I think we are going to wait a while and see how things go."

"You better, coming out publicly is like suicide for a relationship." She said, as we sat at our table to eat breakfast.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It's just a lot of pressure on two people." Kayla said, sipping her coffee.

I slumped in my chair, thinking. "Yeah, I'm sure," I shook my head. "Ugh, I shouldn't be thinking this much."

Kayla laughed. "Yeah, what you should be doing is making a video. Your fans think you're dead."

So I spent the rest of my day working on a video with a big, goofy, love-struck smile on my face.

:D