Impossibly Certain [dan howell]

t e n

"I don't give a fuck what any of you say," yelled Kayla as she popped her head out the door frame of her room, "we are going out tonight." She smirked as we all groaned.

"Okay, you said I get to choose what we do tonight, and I want to go to a club," she said, crossing her arms, "it's not my fault you guys are potatoes."

I raised my arm, "I am perfectly fine being a potato." Dan snickered as he looked up from his phone at me. I liked the way the light from his screen made his eyes shine.

"Fee you should be getting ready, get out of you sweatpants," she said, simultaneously pulling me off the couch.

I groaned again, but she pulled me into my room nonetheless. After rummaging through my closet, she threw a dress at me. "Let's go."

I squeezed the black dress onto my body, and let my eyes fall over it in the full mirror. I saw how the dress shaped my curves, surprisingly quite flattering. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way the skinniest girl, but right now I felt quite good about these curves. I ran my fingers through my hair and put on my leather jacket as well as my black converse. What? You thought I would wear heels? That's funny.

"You look great, Fee," Phil said, the first to see me when I walked back into the flat. I smiled and thanked him, and I saw his eyes follow my gaze to Dan. In a moment, Dan looked up at his phone, and I saw, only for a split second, his features freeze. His eyes rolled down my body, and his pink tongue jutted out to wet his lips. As fast as the moment was here, it was gone, and a polite smile covered his face.

"Ophelia, you look beautiful." He said, nicely. I muttered a small 'thank you,' while Phil gave me a reassuring smile.

"Alright we can drool over Fee all day, instead let's go. I already called a cab." Kayla insisted, nearly pushing us out the door.

"Eager much?" Dan laughed, and she rolled her eyes.

"Fuck off, Dan. Yeah, I'm thirsty." She said, and Phil laughed at her candor. We clambered into the cab, myself sitting between Dan and Phil. As the two were gigantic, I was nearly on top of Dan. I felt the touch of his body at nearly every point of mine, the way his leg was pressed up against me, the way his hand fell protectively onto my knee. His hands were warm on my cold skin.

When we arrived at the club, we had to wait in line for a bit, but the bouncer called Kayla and I to the front, as he recognized us from an add we did about a month ago. He said that was the reason on letting us in, but he also never took his eyes off Kayla's chest, so who knows.

When we walked in, the familiar senses immediately rushed back to me. The base of the music thumped in my heart, and the smell of sweat and alcohol filled my nose. I could see very little besides the lit-up bar and lights on the dance-floor. Kayla immediately pulled us to the bar, where she and I took shots while Dan and Phil had a beer. Unsurprisingly, the boys opted out to dance, but told us we could go dance if we wanted.

"Okay, we will meet back here," I said into Dan's ear. He pulled away and nodded, looking me in the eyes.

"Have fun."

Kayla dragged me to the floor, not so far in the middle that we would drown in the sea of bodies, but far enough that we lost sight of Dan and Phil. She immediately met a guy to dance with, and I awkwardly stood there, sort of swaying from the already working shots. Not long after, I felt a presence behind me. I smiled at the thought of it being Dan, but was disappointed when I turned around to find another guy. He smiled down at me.

"Hey, I'm Matt," he said, and I leaned into him to hear his words.

"Ophelia," I replied, "But you can call me Fee," I said.

"I like Ophelia," he smirked, but the way the name rolled off his tongue made me cringe internally. It's not like he said wrong, but I couldn't help but compare it to the way Dan calls me by my full name. I smiled, knowing there was no way I could tell him not to call me that.

"Do you want to dance?" He asked and I hesitated. I thought of Dan, and how he was probably leaning against the bar drinking his beer. He was probably watching the crowd, the way the people danced like animals, swaying to music they don't even like. He probably was watching the girls, thinking of all the things he would do with them, but never actually do. I probably haven't even crossed his mind. Why would I? Dan and I aren't together, and we probably never will be. Fuck it, he doesn't own me.

I smiled at Matt, nodding my head. He smiled back, placing his hands on my hips as I swayed them to the music. I felt the alcohol consume my actions as I turned around, grinding my ass to his hips. I felt him panting in my ear. My eyes closed, and I had never felt so filthy in my life.

My eyes fluttered open to meet the ones I see in my dreams. They were across the room, scanning over my movements against the stranger. His jaw was set, his features tense. I felt him challenging me in a way, his head falling into a familiar action of flicking back, motioning me to come back to him. But I didn't.

He doesn't own me. He doesn't own me.

I don't know what is happening. All I know is, his eyes were locked with mine, my body touching one that wasn't his. He pouted, his lips creating the most beautiful shape. I felt myself being pulled to him, like the way I would lazily walk down the stairs in the morning when I smelt my mother making pancakes. I smiled and the thought of Dan's warm embrace, something so different from the adulterated touch of the stranger behind me.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the rising jealously, but Dan and I began to move towards each other in an intuitive gesture, almost as if out decisions were being made for us like puppets on a string. Our eyes never left each other's as we pushed through the crowd of people, both craving the touch of the other.

In an instant his hands were on my hips, and I melted into his touch. Almost as quickly, we moved our lips towards each other, until we both hesitated only centimeters from each other. I felt his warm breath on my lips, and his eyes were trained onto my mouth. Do it, you goddamn coward. I flicked my eyes to his—waiting, asking. I was so close to him I felt my toes curl in my shoes.

Somewhere in my drunken state, I remembered Phil's words: Dan isn't some prince out of a movie. Just as quickly, I pushed my lips onto his, feeling his lips waver in surprise, but they soon moved against mine in an act of pure passion. They were soft and full, sweetly and politely moving with mine. He was gentle with me, and my heart swelled at his careful nature. I felt him pull my closer at the hips, but my mind was trained on his mouth, so intimately moving against mine, in the most loving way imaginable. It was a slow kiss, not so rushed or hurried, not like a passionate, animalistic make out at the end of every rom-com. It was tender, like the way you kiss a lover in the morning—the way the rising sun shines onto their face, or the way the bed is left warm opposing to the cold morning air. We were kissing, and despite the chaos around me, I felt completely at peace.

I was drunk and he was beautiful.