Chapter 8

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-Kit's POV-

I catch up with Luke in the hallway after the last bell of the day goes off. We don't sit together in the very last class of the day. "Wanna do something?" I ask him, as he looks down at me. I don't think he knew who it was at first.
"Uh. Sure." He says in a doubtful voice. "Like what?"
"I don't know." I say as we walk out of the building. We walk past Ashton, I say hi to him and give him a friendly wave, but all he does in return is give me a weak, half smile in return. Which isn't like him at all. I just sigh as we make our way to the parking lot. "Something different." I tell him. "Get you out of the baseball field for a couple of minutes, maybe."
He shrugs. "There really isn't anywhere else I can think to go." He tells me. "It's really not that bad there."
"It's a little depressing." I say. "Do you have your license?" I ask.
"Well, yeah. But-"
"Sweet." I say and toss him my car keys. "You can drive."
"I'm not usually aloud to drive." He says and looks down at my keys. "I'm probably a shitty driver."
"You've put up with my driving. I can put up with yours." I tell him with a smile. "Don't worry so much about it, if anything it'll be good practice."
"Okay." He says before unlocking the doors and getting in the drivers seat. He is talking himself through the process of getting the car to start as he turns the radio down. He keeps talking to himself as he switches gears and starts driving, very slowly, out of the parking lot. "Holy shit." He says with a small, short lived smile. He is squinting from focusing on the road so much. He's actually doing pretty good, aside from stomping on the breaks every now and then. "Where are we going?" He asks.
"Anywhere you want to, Hemmings." I say. "The choice is yours."
He rolls his eyes. "That isn't very helpful, Kit Kat." He says.
"Has it been that long since you've actually been somewhere?" I ask, poking a little bit of fun at him. "There has to be somewhere you want to go."
He opens his mouth to talk, but stops himself. His facial expression changes to a small, barely noticeable frown, but then he just shrugs. "It's not that I don't ever go out." He says. "It's that I don't ever go out with other people. I guess I've forgotten what to do." He admits.
I frown a little bit at that. I couldn't imagine how lonely he is. "Okay." I say, trying not to show my sympathy, even though it grows every time I look over at him. "Fine. Ashton invited me out for pizza tonight. They'd be there by now. That may be fun."
He starts laughing. Something I have never herd him do. It's almost music to my ears. But he stops, after he sees the look on my face. He coughs to clear his throat. "Oh. You were serious." He states. I just nod. "No." He says. "Anything but that."
"But it would be fun!" I say. "Don't you think it would be nice to get back to a good place with the people you used to consider your best friends?" I ask. He just shrugs. "You don't have to sit beside any of them. I'll make sure that you sit beside me, and I'll text them before hand letting them know that they're to be nice to you. Come on, Hemmings it'll be-"
"I said I don't fucking want to." He snaps, cutting me off with. That really catches me off guard, causing me to jump. I don't really know what to say after that. I have never handled being yelled at well. It makes me nervous. I thought we were finally in a good place. But, we're not. He's no different towards me. I turn over in my seat, looking out the window, just letting him drive. He turns the volume on the radio up and keeps on driving, until suddenly he slams on the breaks and sighs. "Is it the pizza place in the strip mall?" He asks. I just look back over at him confused.
"H-how'd you know?" I ask, nervously.
"I'm the one that discovered that place. We'd come here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday after school. I figured they kept that going." He explains.
"Oh." I say and nod. Really not knowing what else to say.
"I'll go." He says and sighs, before making a turn back onto the road.
"What caused the change in heart, Hemmings?" I ask, brushing my nerves off. I've never feared him before. Why start now after one minor set back.
"Well, we're friends now." He says. "And they're your friends. A part of being someones friend is putting up with the others." He explains to me. "Plus, I didn't mean to scare you. I don't always have control over what comes out of my mouth."
"Don't worry about that." I say. "It caught me off guard is all." I insure him with a friendly smile as we pull up to the pizza place. Hesitantly, Luke un-does his seat belt and gets out of my car. Handing me my keys. I look over at him, he's visibly nervous. I debate telling him that he's going to be okay, but I don't want to strike another unknown nerve or something so I just smile at him as I walk slowly with him. When we walk into the place, Luke starts biting his lip ring. I've put together that he does that when he is nervous. But, it calms his facial expression down.
"Can I just have a smoke before they notice us here?" He asks.
I sigh. I was going to put up a fight, but he is sort of here against his will, so I nod and follow him back out at a fast paste before anyone notices us. He lights his cigarette and takes a big puff, letting it out with a sigh. "You know that's bad for you, right?" I ask.
He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, no shit." He says. Almost in a joking manner, but it sounds more like he's calling me a dumbass.
"I was just saying." I mumble.
"Please don't judge me for smoking." He says in a dull tone. "If for anything, judge me because I'm an asshole. But not for smoking. It's just something I do."
"I would never judge you, Hemmings." I say. "I was just making sure that you know how bad smoking is for you. In case you did it to be cool."
"Smoking isn't cool." He says, as he blows some smoke out. "It's disgusting, Kit Kat. I know all of this. But it helps."
"Helps with what?" I ask as he blows out his last puff before pinching the end of it and throwing it on the ground. "You really don't notice the pain anymore?" I ask as I look down at his fingers. They're red.
"No, I've gotten used to burning my finger tips, it doesn't hurt anymore, Kit Kat." He says, ignoring my first question. But, I let it go.
"But I've seen a lot of people smoke. You're the only one that pinches the end of it. Why do you do that?"
"I don't know." He says. "I just always have. Maybe as punishment for smoking the poison stick."
"Fair enough." I say and shrug. "Are you ready to go back in yet?"
He sighs. "Yeah, I guess." He says as he starts biting his lip ring again.
"Cool." I say, before we walk back into the restaurant. This time, Ashton's head shoots over at us, noticing us right away. He looks surprised, to say the least. When we start walking over to the table, Luke trips over something, causing him to almost fall over. But, he catches himself. "Calm down, Hemmings." I say, trying not to laugh at him.
He shoots me a sarcastic smile as we walk over to the table. Luke gets the end seat, so he's only beside me. He's across from Michael, but he doesn't look over. He just looks down, or at me.
"Luke and I were hanging out and I didn't want to ditch him for you or vise versa. I didn't figure you'd mind."
"What are you doing hanging out with him?" Michael asks in a harsh tone. I just give him a look. He mumbles something I can't make out and turns back over to his conversation with Calum.
"Alright then." Ashton says. "So, Luke.." He says, as Luke quickly turns back over to him. I rest my hand on his lap, to maybe comfort him a little, but he just tenses up even more. "How have you been? I haven't talked to you since.. Yeah." Ash carries on with.
"I've been fine." He says quickly. I move my hand from his leg to his arm. He's so tense. I regret bringing him here.
"It's just us, man." Ashton says. "You don't have to be so nervous. We're the same people you used to hang out with every day."
"Yeah, but he's not the same person we used to hang out with every day." Michael mumbles, earning a dirty look from all of us.
"Michael, don't be like that." Calum says. "Can't you keep your harsh opinion to yourself long enough for us to have a decent dinner together? It's not all about you." He says, which catches me off guard. That's basically the most I've ever heard Calum say at once. I can tell it took balls for him to say. He's never that outspoken.
"Whatever." Michael says before going back to blowing bubbles in his water. He looks like a child. I can't help but laugh at him, even if he is being an ass tonight.
"I think I'm going to go." Luke says as he pushes out his chair.
"Don't be silly." Ashton says. "You're staying long enough to have pizza. Whatever happened in the past, is in the past. alright? Tonight we're just a group of people eating pizza together."
"Yeah, come on, man!" Calum says. "Don't leave because Michael's asshole mode was triggered. You're just as welcome here as the rest of us."
"Alright." Luke says with a small sigh. He pushes his chair out all the way. "Michael, can you come with me for a minute?" He asks. I look over at him, he's still chewing his lip ring. I don't think he's stopped since he's been here.
"Why would I do that?" Michael asks.
"Because I said so." Luke says as he stands up. using his height to his advantage. "Come on." He says, sternly. Michael just sighs and gets up. Though he isn't much shorter than Luke, there is something much more intimidating about Luke than a boy with bright, colorful hair.
"What do you think that's all about?" Calum asks, taking a sip of his water. I've noticed the pizza is taking longer than last time to get here. I guess it's more busy on the weekend.
"I really don't know." I say. "But hopefully he pulls the stick out of Michael's ass so tonight can be decent."
"I just don't get why he'd agree to come with." Ashton says. "I'm not complaining. It's nice seeing him decent again, but it's not in his nature to want to come here with us."
"He didn't want to." I say. "I talked him into it, which led to him yelling at me. But then he felt bad, so be turned the car around, and we came here."
"He felt bad?" Calum asks? I nod. "Jesus Christ, he must be head over heals for you."
"Why would you say that?" I ask.
"Luke has caused so many scenes with boys and girls, he's yelled at them for the whole lunch period, without listening to what they have to say once. Guilt free." Calum explains. "You must be at least a little different to him."

-LUKE'S POV-

I walk out of the restaurant in silence with Michael. The silence is uncomfortable and intense. When we're standing in the parking lot, I think for a minute. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to say it. All I know is that something needs to happen because Michael is really pissing me off and it needs to be stopped before I snap and do something I'll regret. "The fucks your problem?" I end up saying, in a tone just harsh enough.
"You're my fucking problem, Luke." He says. "I told you to stay away from her. I fucking told you. But out of spite, here you are. Her tag along. I'm not going to sit here and watch as you hurt her."
"Well, guess what?" I ask. "That's not your call to make. Kit is old enough to choose who she does and doesn't want to hang out with. She doesn't need you to go behind her back and try to scare me away." I scoff. "And you think I'm here out of sight? Please. Like I give you enough thought to do anything to you out of spite."
"I'm not stupid, Luke." He says. "I know how this is going to go. She's going to invest in you, and you're going to break her heart. That's all you ever do. You like to hurt others, because all you are is miserable. You don't get to make other people hurt because your mom died. That's nobody's fault."
I push him up against the wall. "Don't you talk about her. Ever." I say, in a warning tone. "You don't get to tell me how my head works, Clifford."
"Whatever, man." He says.
I take a deep breath in and let him go. That is exactly what I didn't want to happen. "I'm not setting out to hurt Kit." I say.
"Why should I believe you, Luke?" He asks.
"You should believe me because she is the only person that I've actually talked to since. She's the only person who I haven't tossed out after this point since. She's the only person that I have told a couple of things to. I care about Kit, I really do. I want to stay away from her, but I can't. I don't know why, but I can't."
"Holy shit," He says as his face completely drops. "You actually do care about her, don't you?" He asks. I shrug. "I didn't know you were still capable of that, Hemmings." He informs me.
"Neither did I." I say. "But, are we cool?" I ask. "If we're both going to be friends with Kit, we're going to have to learn to live with each other."
"We're cool." He says.
I just nod as we make our way back into the restaurant. In silence. It was still awkward, but it wasn't so intense. It was normal. We go take our seats and don't say anything about what we talked about. "Is everything okay?" Ash asks.
"Yeah." I say before Michael gets a chance to.
The dinner carries on for about an hour and a half. It really wasn't so bad. It wasn't comfortable, there was a lingering awkwardness. But, nobody yelled at each other. It reminded me of old times a little bit. It felt nice to talk to them again. Even if not much was said. Kit ended up driving me home after the pizza. I tried to insist that she didn't, but she refused my offer. She said that it's too late for me to travel alone. Even if the pizza place really is only about a twenty minute walk from my house.
"Where were you?" My dad asks as I walk in the door.
"I was out for pizza." I say.
"With who?" He asks. "And you're supposed to be grounded." He tells me. "Unless you actually gave in and went to visit your mother."
"I was with Ashton, Michael, Calum and the new girl Kit. She's who drove me home before you ask. And no. I didn't go look at a rock in a grass field."
"You don't hang out with them anymore." He says. "And don't talk about it that way. It's where your mother rests."
"Look," I say and take a deep breath. "I get that you believe in the cemetery bullshit and everything, but you need to get that I don't."
"You wouldn't know." He says. "I only want you to visit once, then you will know for sure, then I'll be off your ass about it. What are you so afraid of? Feelings? Acceptance? Not putting on your tough guy act, even when nobody is around?"
"No." I say, even all three of these things happen to scare the shit out of me. "I'm afraid that I don't see the point." I say. "Are we done here, I want to go to bed." I lie.
"Go ahead." He says.
I nod and walk out of the kitchen, straight past the living room and up the stairs to my room, where I close my door before stripping down to just my underwear. I was going to just lay down in bed, probably on my phone. But I craved a smoke, much like after every conversation with my dad. Before I lit it, I go to my mini fridge to see if I had any 'happy juice' left. But, I didn't. I had finished it all the other night. I need another way to calm my nerves. I go over and light my smoke and take a puff out of it. I look down at my fingers as the smoke is in my mouth. My finger tips are scarred from putting so many cigarette butts out on them. But, they don't have as many scars as my legs. I pull up my boxers, so I can see all of my thigh. I run my burnt fingers across the bumpy pattern I had left there. I look down, to see the circular scars I have there. Sometimes when things are really bad, I'll put the smokes out on myself.
As I finish my smoke, I blow the last puff out of my window. I look down at the smoke and down at my leg. "What the hell?" I ask as I take the smoke and press the hot end down on my leg, on top of another scar that is there. I let a small grunt of pain out as adrenaline and disappointment fill my body. When the smoke is no longer hot, I toss it out my window and close it. I look down at my leg and instantly regret doing that. It's been awhile and I don't really know why I did it again. Maybe it's because I forgot what it felt like. Maybe it's because I was starting to forget what pain felt like. And I have always been a fan of giving myself that reminder. I chose to let myself see physical pain that I can cover up. As apposed to mental pain that if I let show could all pour out at once.

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