Gone Cold. -Luke Hemmings Love Story. AU-

Chapter 19

-KIT'S POV-

I make my way out of Luke's car, not looking back, I know that if I did, I would break down even more and accept his apology, then go back to just being friends with him. I can't do that. Not anymore. Not after I told him how I felt. It would make things weird, and now that my feelings are out there, I know that I can't take them back. I won't take them back. I refuse to look at him and tell him that it was nothing but in the moment. Plus, he told me in so many words he shares my feelings. I just think that it would be better to quit while I'm ahead. Leave him behind before I completely fall for him. It just hurts, giving up on something I've worked so hard on.
I walk inside my house, knowing that both of my parents are away for work. Even though I am home alone, I walk up to my room, slowly. Letting all of these thoughts run through my head and tears run down my face. When I do finally make it up to my room, I collapse down on my bed. I know that I was warned, I know that they told me to stay away. Hell, even he told me to stay away. But, I couldn't. I saw something in him, I still do. He just can't pull his head out of his ass long enough to realize. But, with every warning to stay away, I couldn't. I couldn't let myself leave him alone, and look where it got me.
But, out of everything that was said today, it was one of his final words to me that really got me worked up. 'So, everything, all of this. Was just a waste of your time? I was just a waste of your time?'. Though that is practically what I said to him, I didn't mean it. Nothing about my time with him was a waste of time. I got to see some of the light that used to shine in him. I got to meet who he used to be, not just who he pretends to be. He told me himself, I was bringing him back.
I sigh as I get out of my bed and go straight to the bathroom. "Jesus Christ." I say to myself with a half smile. "I look like a fucking raccoon." I get some of my make-up remover and fix up my make-up as much as possible. All I really had to do was fix my eyeliner. When I'm done fixing up my make-up, I walk downstairs and plop down on the couch. Being alone is driving me crazy. I look at the time to see that school would just be getting out about now. I need to call someone. And knowing that someone can't be Luke is making me want to burst out into tears all over again. But, I get a better hold of myself and pick up my phone and dial Ashton's number. I know he will be there for me.
"Hello?" He answers with right away.
"Hey." I say and get up off the couch and start walking around my house. "What are you doing, Ash?" I ask.
"I'm just waiting for the bus." He tells me. "Where are you, I didn't see you around this afternoon."
"I'm at my house. It's a long story." I tell him. "One I really need to tell someone, would you be willing to listen?" I ask.
"Of course, Kit." He says, I can hear his smile on the other end of the line.
"Okay, can you just ditch your bus and I'll come pick you up?" I offer.
"Sounds good." He says.
"Sweet, you wait where you are and I'll be there in fifteen minutes." I say before handing up.
Right away I rush out the door. I need to talk to him before I loose my mind completely. I go out to my car and start driving. The drive there seems so much slower than usual. I hot every red light that I possibly could of and it seems to me that they added a few stop signs. To top that off, there is no good music playing on the radio. So, I keep on turning that off, then back on again to see if my luck has changed any. But, eventually I go get there, and I see Ashton standing all alone. A smile appears on his face as he sees me. I get out of my car and run up to him, wrapping my arms around him. He hugs me back right away. "Thanks for agreeing to hang out with me, I can't be alone right now."
"What happened?" He asks as he lets me go.
"I'll tell you when we get to my house." I say as we start walking towards my car. "Can you drive?" I ask. "There is no reason why I can't, I really just don't want to." I say with a small chuckle.
"No problem at all." He says before I toss him my keys. I go and sit in the passengers seat of my car, waiting for him to start driving off. The only other person I've ever let drive my car was Luke. But, I trust Ashton. It doesn't take him too long to get to my house. He's a bit of a fast driver. I can't really complain though, I have never actually drove the speed limit since I've had my license. Luke on the other hand is a very cautious driver, not even the radio is ever too loud.
When we pull up to my house, we exit my car in silence and make my way inside of my house. "Want anything to eat or drink?" I offer.
"I'm good." He says as we go over and sit on my couch, be plops his book bag on the floor and turns to look at me. "So," He says. "What is the problem that is so big that Luke couldn't even fix?" He asks with a smile, his dimples going in.
"Luke is the problem." I say and look down before explaining everything to him. I don't know when, but at some point I started crying again. "Please don't get mad at him either." I beg. "He wasn't an asshole about anything. He's just scared. I don't want him to be scared, why is he so scared?" I ask.
Ashton pulls be into a hug as he starts rubbing my back. "He's scared because he doesn't want to loose another person he cares about as much as he does." Ash explains as he starts to trace small circles on my arm. "He thinks if he denies his feelings they won't grow and he won't have to worry about him."
"But you should have seen the look on his face when I said we shouldn't hang out anymore. I swear he was about to cry. I got out as soon as I could. I hate seeing him cry so much, Ash."
"You've seen him cry?" He asks, a little surprised. He is trying to cover up the fact that hearing that threw him off, I can tell.
"Once." I say and shake my head. "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to sit through. I just want to make him okay, you know?"
"As much as we want him to be okay again, he won't be able to until he accepts the fact that he can't dwell forever." He tells me.
"I guess you're right." I say with a sigh and pull away from him. I wipe my eyes, lucky enough make-up wasn't running down my face again.
"What about that party you were talking about over break?" Ash asks me with a small smile. "Did you just abandon that idea?"
"I don't really know what happened to that idea." I say.
"I think that would help take your mind off of everything." He says. "I say we call Calum and Michael, get them to call a few people and gather as many people here as we can. I know liquor isn't the best way to mend a broken heart, but it sure works for a temporary solution."
"What the hell." I say with a sigh. "Let's do it! I have liquor stored in my room for last minute parties, and the collection is large, so we can bring them down and invite some people over."
After we get my house all set up, we get on our phones, inviting everyone and anyone over to this party. Avoiding Luke, of course, which makes me a little sad, but the idea is to forget about him, inviting him to my party would make that pretty damn hard to do. The only people I contacted were Calum and my new friend, Harper. She was hesitant to come but I promised her I'd make sure she had fun. Ashton contacted Michael and a few other people that I don't know.
Before too long, I start hearing knocks on my door. Before everyone showed up, I already have a few shots into me, so I'm extra happy to see everyone. Harper was one of the first few people to show up, I keep her close to me, knowing she doesn't know any of these people. "Can I tell you a secret?" I whisper to her as I pour two shots. "I don't know any of these people either." I say with a chuckle, handing her a shot.
"Can I tell you one?" She asks, looking down at the shot glass I just handed her.
"Shoot." I say, before downing my shot, not even noticing the burn it leaves in my mouth and all the way down to my throat.
"I've never drank before." She says nervously.
I smile at her before filling my shot glass up again. "Don't worry about it, we can do it together, okay?" I offer. She just smiles at me and nods. "On the count of three. One.. Two.. Three.." I say before we both down our shots. She scrunches her face a little. "That's not so bad, was it?"
"Not at all." She says before pouring herself another and downing it. "Where did you and your boyfriend go today? I didn't see you in last period."
I laugh. "He's not my boyfriend."
"I'm sorry." She says.
"Don't worry about it." I say with a smile before she takes another few shots, I just grab a beer and start sipping on that. Before too long Harper was quite drunk, because she didn't know her limit and she is stumbling around, it's quite funny, though I know it wont be when she wakes up in the morning. "I want to go find the boys!" I say excitedly. "Do you want to go find the boys?"
"Hell no!" She says nodding her head to the music. "I want to dance!" She says before pulling out the robot dance. "You go find them, I'm fine here!" She says as she starts framing her face.
I laugh. "You sure you'll be okay?" I ask. She just nods. I take two shots before making my way out into the living room. I lost my beer somewhere along my way.
The first one I spot is Calum. I run over to him and wrap my arms around him. "Calum! Hi! How fun is this?!" I ask.
"So fun!" He says, amused. "Where is your friend?" He asks.
"She's busting out her mad moves!" I say and point to her in the kitchen, she is now doing crazy legs. Calum and I both burst out laughing at that.
"That's adorable!" He says in between laughs.
"I know, right?" I ask as I spot Michael. "I'll talk to you later! I have to say hey to Michael!" I tell Calum before I start running. "Mikey!" I yell before jumping on his back.
"Kit!" He says, mocking me. "This is a sick party!"
"I know, right!?" I yell before jumping off of his back. He follows me out into the kitchen with a smile as I go to check on Harper and get a couple more drinks. I hand Michael a beer as we walk back out and find Calum then Ash. I keep my eye on Harper, but she's still dancing out there. So, the boys and I make our way back to the kitchen where all the alcohol is and we have a large variety of drinks.
"What did I tell you, Kit?" Ashton asks. "There's nothing a good shot of vodka can't fix for the night!"
"Amen to that!" I say before taking another shot. Though that was far from the truth. It doesn't matter how much I drink, I can't get my precious Hemmings out of my mind.

-LUKE'S POV-

I lay in my bed and look up at the ceiling, much like I've been doing ever since I've been trying to go to sleep. My mind is too filled up for even a sleeping pill to put me to sleep. I consider taking another one, but it would probably just make me even more tired than I already am. Being tired and sad isn't a good mix. I guess something that really didn't help how I feel was the fact that it didn't take too long for me to find out that Kit is throwing a party. Someone called me and invited me, but I assume I'm the last person that she want's to see right now, so I passed. Honestly, I'm way too tired to drink and party anyway.
"Come in." I say dully and with a sigh as I hear a knock on my door. A few seconds later Karen comes in and sits on the edge of my bed.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" She asks, with sympathy in her voice. "You're usually downstairs with me on the days your dad has night shifts."
"That's basically every night." I mumble.
"I know." She says. "Plus you look like you've been crying. What happened? Did you go to the cemetery again?" She asks.
"No." I say and clear my throat. "Nothing new happened. I'm just the worlds biggest idiot." I tell her as the look on my Kit Kat's face as I rejected her comes to mind again. I feel terrible.
"What happened?" She asks. "You know you can tell me anything, and you don't have to worry about it getting back to your dad."
I sigh. "Well, we had all supply teachers today, so Kit and I ditched the last two classes. I took her to a hidden beach that my mom used to take me to. We were talking, then she said something about how much I must care about her. I told her of course I do and that she's my best friend. She said that we're a little more than friends. I just tried to act like I had no clue what she was talking about." I pause and take a deep breath in. "But, she talked more about it, and I told her the truth, that love never lasts and that one of us or both of us would just end up hurt, you know?" I say. "I told her that I don't want to be in love and that we need to stop talking about this and go back to the way things were. She said that she can't do that, and asked me to bring her home, so I did." I take a shaky breath as the memories all come back to me. "I said we can discuss this tomorrow when she's calmer, but she said no and that she's done wasting her time. I asked if she meant on me, she just replied with 'your words not mine.' Which means of course she meant on me. So I came up here and took a sleeping pill to so I could sleep through the pain, but I can't." I tell her as I wipe the stray tear off of my face.
"I'm so sorry, Luke." She says. "I know that you're scared, but you need to face your fears and let her in one hundred percent. She is so good for you, sweetheart." She says to me. "You may not want to be in love, but being in love is not something we get to choose, sadly."
"But I don't want to hurt her." I say. "I don't want her to hurt me. I don't want to end up loosing her."
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, my dear." She says. "Why don't you come downstairs with me, I'll get you something to eat, alright, love?"She asks.
"Okay." I say with a sigh as I follow her downstairs. Even that much took almost all of the little bit of energy that I have left, so I go sit on the couch. Shortly, she comes back in with some popcorn and a pizza box.
"I ordered pizza for dinner tonight, but you didn't come downstairs, so there's lots left." She says, handing me the box. I take a slice out as I nibble off the end of that. I'm really not hungry. "Have you talked to her since?" She asks as she sits beside me on the couch, on the side the pizza isn't.
I just shake my head. "No." I say. "I don't think we're going to talk too much any more."
"Well certainly not with that attitude you wont." She says before turning a movie on. "You need to talk to her, it worked last time."
"Last time was a lot different though." I say.
"You're right, it was much worse." She says. "You screamed at her and told her that she's just as bad as the rest of the world. This time you were honest with her and told her that you don't want to be in love."
"But my only option is to be in a relationship with her." I say.
"You already basically were in a relationship with her, Luke." She tells me. "When you get that through your thick head everything else will come easy, I promise you. Why are you really so scared of falling in love with her?" She asks.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's how tired I am, maybe it's how broken I feel about Kit Kat, maybe it's combination of the two, but as I start thinking about the question that Karen asked me, tears beyond my control start burning in my eyes, I can't hold them back as I feel the warmth fall down my cheek. "How do I know that my mom would approve?" I ask. "How do I know that if I wasn't an ass when I met her that she'd still be interested? How do I know that she doesn't only see me as charity work?" I ask.
"Your mom would absolutely approve. Look, I never got the honour of meeting your mom, but anyone would like Kit." She says.
"You remind me of her." I say. "My mom, I mean." I tell her.
"Thank you so much, sweetie." She says with a smile. "And as for your other worries, all you have to do is see the way she looks at you to know that she has genuine feelings for you. Trust me." She says before pulling me into a hug.