matthew fell asleep and i decided to write again, it is another day.
august 14
so as soon as i thought everything with me and jack couldn't get any worse, it did. i thought because so much pain was caused there could be no more but i was completely wrong. i feel like our ego's get in the way of one another. i love him, he loves me but our now natural way of not getting hurt is what is causing us to hurt. he doesn't want to show he is hurt anymore and niether do i. i don't know if i'm just mad or angry but i do feel like me and jack cannot work this out. its clear he doesn't want to and now i have to move on. although the hole in my heart is still there it doesn't hurt as much slowly its starting to heal but it can be hurt quickly. maybe i should just give up on jack and me. maybe i shouldn't try anymore. i can't fix anything that isn't ment to be fixed and that's just what we are. uncompatible and nothing but trouble for one another. someday i wanna come back on these stories and read myself through heart breaks because i know there are many heart breaks to come but only one love and i just lost mine. i thought of ending my trip short but its nonrefundable and matt is keeping my head up. i never had any bad things happen to me i was never a crier or anything. i didn't even cry when my parents divorced but here comes jack and boom i'm crying. it takes a lot to give your all and try to get it back. it takes a lot to love someone so much but have to move on. it hurts but i'm sure, there is always a brighter day. this is the longest note i've written and i don't mind sitting here and taking the time to get all my late nightt thoughts out. i used to keep all my emotions balled up, ready to keep things strictly business. my business just being the hook up, but jack let me release all those feelings.
i looked over at matt as he slept, his mouth open and his chest moving up and down. maybe i have another person like jack.
maybe i've been looking too far in the past, i've been searching for jack when i should've been searching right infront of me. i think matthew is it. i don't want to force myself on him or anything because i could be wrong and i could wind up going back to my old ways. i'll give him a try, a try at finding love. he does have experience with my background and has happened to him his self. yeah i think thats it.
+
that morning when i woke up matt was gone, not that it bothered me but it was weird.
i got up and got dressed nothing to dressy.
i walked out the room and headed to the breakfast buffet down in the dinning hall.
"i had a feeling you'd be down here" i said to matthew as he was eating a bagel { ;) }
"you looked peaceful, didn't wanna wake you" he shrugged grabbing two more and a few strips of bacon.
"well go get a table" i said as he nodding, saying something to me but it was muffled by the bagels in his mouth.
"sorry about earlier, i didn't mean to cry infront of you" i said nervously as i sat down.
"remy its not a big deal" he shrugged "besides whats one time of crying versus how many times you're gonna smile today" he smiled.
i could get used to all of this.
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I ALMOST FORGOT OKAY SO THIS GUY THAT I THINK IS REALLLLLLY FUCKING CUTE WANTS ME TO GO TO THIS EVEN THING HES HAVING WELL HIS DAD ASKED ME TO GO BC HE SAID HE LIKES ME BETTER THAN HIS SONS GIRLFRIEND AND HE WANTS ME TO MAKE HER JEALOUS AND IN MY HEAD IM LIKE TF SHES PROBABLY GORGEOUS AND THEN IM JUST A POTATOE TRYNA GET HIS ATTENTION BUT ANYWAY HES LIKE BC HIS GIRLFRIEND IS OLDER THAN HIM (COUGAR TF) AND HES LIKE SO HE WANTS ME THERE SO SHE COULD POOF BE GONE AND THEN HERE I COME FATHER IN LAW.
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F U C K G I R L; J.G
Fanfictioni enjoyed toying with boys making them feel what was once done to me, making them see how life on the other side was. but there was a bump in the road, he took my heart without knowing but we both had bad intentions. he was a fuckboy and i was a fuc...
