Love is Hard

You Can't or You Won't?

I feel arms wrapped around me, shielding me. I open my eyes, feeling the sleep slowly fade away. All I see is the right side of my bedroom. I then feel the arms placed around my hips, and his head buried in the crook of my neck. I can feel little blows of air from his nose on my upper back. Each blow brings new prickles on my skin. Our bodies were so close, I felt his stomach move the normal pattern against my back. I could feel his rough jeans against my legs. Last night, I wasn't expecting anyone to be over, calming me down from a nightmare so I was in a black tank top and Daisy Dukes. The comforter was pulled up to my chest, and under my arm. My arm was unprotected to the cooler air in my room, but Caleb was sending warmth all over my body. I run a finger over one of his arms wrapped around me; He didn't budge, not one movement. I saw how his arms stuck out compared to my stomach, showing me how small I am. I then feel him move, pushing his face deeper into the crook of my neck. I smile and place my arms over his, I close my eyes once again. I knew it was only a couple of hours since we laid down; I couldn't see the sun shinning through my window. Usually when my alarm clock goes off, the sun is streaming its warmth all through my room. Right now, the only lighting in my room is from the street lamps outside. I knew that daylight was either a couple hours away, or just a few minutes; but the thought of moving out of this comfortable, safe position sent shivers down my back. They didn't last long, with Caleb beside me, they were shorted out. I start to feel him shiver, as I look to see why. All of the covers are over me, leaving him only a couple inches of the covering. I try to sit up, without waking him, but I eventually stop trying as I hear him start to mumble.
"Sorry, I'm just trying to cover you up..." I whisper, his eyes still closed.
"I don't need it." He murmurs, as I lay back down. His nose burrows in the crook of my neck, once again. I let out a muted laugh; I'm ticklish is the weirdest spots. I try to stay quiet, but I can't help it; I have to help. I move again, him moaning the entire time. I spread the covers over his body, so he could get warm once again. He hadn't moved; like he was rebelling to. When I finally laid down I sighed, hearing Caleb mock me afterwords.
"Thank you." He whispers in my ear, sending more shivers down my back. His breath smells like mint; I don't know how, when its morning. I have the curse of horrible morning breath. I smile through my thoughts,
"I wouldn't want you to freeze." I pause for drama, "Or would I?"
"Oh, thanks. That's nice to know..." I hear the tease in his voice. I feel normal around him, considering what happened last night. I turn around to face him, seeing his smile glow through the darkness. I see the outline of his hazel eyes, pulling me into his spell. "Isabelle?" I break out of my haze and my smile grows from humiliation. I feel the heat rise in my face, glad he couldn't see them in the dark. Unless I'm glowing like he is...
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I clear my throat, "Just thinking..." I realize my hand is placed on his chest, feeling his heart pumping blood into his body. I noticed his hand slipping into mine, intertwining our fingers. I bite my lip, hiding my nerves. I can see his eyes close, hiding his eyes behind their covers. I hear his breathing calm and slow, making my eyes roll closed from the sound of his breath pushing me to sleep.
"You saved me." I hear him murmur, falling into the mystery of the darkness. I am confused, but I don't push it, knowing we are both drifting.

°°°°°°|°°°°°°

"And I was like, BABY BABY BABY OOOOH!"
I moan, as I am awaken by my alarm.
"Anything but this!" I mumble. I hear it cut off, as Caleb shifts towards it. When he props himself on his elbow, I snuggle closer to his chest. I hear him laugh, as I look up at him. "How are you awake so fast?" I mumble against his body.
"I have three jobs; I'm used to it." He says, making me sigh.
"I don't know how you do it. I can barely get to one." I pause, realizing how I put my words, "I love my job, I just-"
"I understand." He pulled a hand through his hair, "You love your job; I can tell."
"Well, my boss isn't going to love me if I don't get there!" I say, jumping out of his arms and running into the bathroom. I spend about half an hour in there; applying little makeup, pampering my hair, and I got dressed. I told Caleb to barrow some clothes from Justin; I would explain to him later. When I step out, I see him wearing Justin's "Grease Stains are Manly" T-shirt and I laugh. He sends me a confused look, and I walk towards him and straighten it out.
"This is the perfect shirt for you." I say, as his memory goes back to his job.
"You think so?" He laughs, as I walk away to put on my jewelry. I hear Justin mumble from the couch. He usually calls me around eight complaining why I let him sleep in. I tiptoe into the living room to get my converse and Caleb follows. I go into the kitchen and I heat up a pop tart; glad I spent the extra money on them. Caleb comes behind me and peels off the corner before popping it into his mouth. I sit on the counter, I always do, my back positioned against the cabinets. He places his hands on my thighs while I continue eating. In any other situation I would've been uncomfortable or scared, but I just smiled as he talked about his brother.
"He was very tough, but he was scared of the stupidest things."
"Like what?" I push him to continue. He thought for a moment, before laughing to himself at memories from the past.
"He was terrified of spiders. Always making me kill the tinniest bugs." He sighed. "He stayed at my house a lot, and once he was getting ready for bed and he found a spider in the bathroom sink. He ran into my room and jumped onto my bed to wake me up...to go kill a spider." I laughed, as he just shook his head.
"He sounds fun." I say between laugher.
"He was, but he was also a perfectionist. A stickler for school, he took that very seriously. He had so many friends, but he always put family first." He paused, as he looked down at the counter top. "Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I took his pl-"
"Don't say that!" I say, pulling his face towards mine. With my hands forcing his head to stay up, his eyes locked with mine. He had a distant look, as if he had asked that horrible question too many times. "You need to stop blamming yourself. I don't know anything about what you feel about it, but you don't need to question your life!" My voice is calm, but shaking. His eyes turn soft and he smiles, making me calm my concern for him.
"Sorry." He says, grabbing my shoes placed beside me on the ground. I smile as he unties the shoelaces, and slips it on my small foot. He places my leg on the counter and ties the laces, pulling and crossing. I gently set my plate on the counter, as he prepares the other shoe. I nibble on my thumb nail, as he puts all his concentration into my shoes. When's he finished he looks up at me, seeing my smile on my lips.
"Thank you..." I say, as I pull my hand away from my mouth. He looks at me, showing desire in his Hazel eyes. Flashbacks take me to what happened last night, and his hand in my thigh starts to have a burning sensation. My face leans into his, as our lips gently overlap one another. I jump off the counter, feeling his hands drift to my sides. My hands flow through his hair; my legs feeling weak because of his touch. We break, to breathe. He places his forehead on mine, and looks into my eyes. My curled hair outlined our faces and I could feel his hot, fresh breath on my cheeks. He pulls a piece of my hair behind my ear, as I look away from his eyes.
"I can't do this..." My body wants me to pull away, yet I don't move.
"You can't, or you won't?" He says, putting more space between us.
"I can't. I'm..." I pause, my voice a whisper, "Scared."
"You don't have to be afraid of me." He said, in an assuring tone.
"I'm not afraid of you. Its hard to explain..." I take a breath. His face should show betrayal for leading him on, yet his eyes held care.
"I know you feel this too! You've been driving me crazy! I think we have a thing, then you make it clear we're friends and then you go back and forth. I don't know what you're doing anymore!" He takes a step back, emphasising with his hands. I bite my lip, not even trying hide my nerves. I knew he was going to bring this up sooner or later, and he had a right to; I had been leading him on.
"I'm sorry..." I pause, not knowing what to say, "I just don't act normal around you." I make my eyes fall on his, his eyes showing confusion. "I haven't liked a guy since..." My voice faded out.
"Peter?" My eyes grow wide and I feel the blurriness cover my eyes. I shake my head as he pulls me into an embrace, pressing my face against his shirt.
"I can't feel this way... I'm too scared to follow through! I'll just hurt you; we'll just be better off leaving it alone." He shakes his head, pulling out his phone.
"You are not going to work today. We need to talk about this. You are one of my closest friends, and I obviously care too much about you. I want to be able to help you." His words came out strong and true, so I didn't protest.
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- Emuna_Jasmine