Love is Hard

Weeks or Months

Since the doctors cleared me, I have been trying to conjure up enough courage to go see him. I still can't feel my toes, or my fingertips, but the doctors say that I have no sign of frostbite. I've been standing outside his room, hearing his monitor go off, making my heart falter from its rhythm. To keep my mind off everything, my mother brought in a curling iron while I was still admitted. They allowed me to take a long, warm shower once I could feel a little bit again. My daddy held me for a few hours after he told me, and I cried until I couldn't anymore. When I look back, I feel my heart warm when I see Justin and Ella holding hands. Ella has been very supportive with Justin; she even allows him to cry on her shoulder, and not figuratively. When I asked them both about it they said "Its complicated."
"I love you," His mothers voice rings through my ears. "I'll see you soon," when she walks out into the hallway, she freezes when she sees me.
"Mrs. Thompson-" She surprises me when I'm pulled into her arms.
"He loves you so much Isabelle." She whispers into my ear. My eyes blur and she pulls away. Her hands go onto the side of my face, looking into my eyes like a mother looking at her newborn baby. "I pray he gets to tell you that again." Then she wipes her tears, sends me a broken smile and leaves. I take a deep breath, my tears at breaking point. When I turn the corner, I lose it. Seeing Caleb, the man I love, tangled up in medical wires and no movement able to see, broke my heart.
"Hi..." I cover my mouth, trying to hide the throat scratching cry that came with my words. "You probably can't hear me," I sit down in the chair next to his gurney, taking his hand, "But, I love you." More tears fall, and I lay my head onto his arm, listening to the beat of his heart through his skin. "Please," I whisper, "Come back to me...."

~~~

It's been another few days, and I have only gone home to shower. Other than that, I am found next to Caleb, ready for his eyes to open. Suddenly I'm awoken by the sound of my phone going off. I spend forever searching for it; finding out its Jackie, my boss. I slip out of the room and into the hallway, sending one last glance his direction in hope of a movement.
"Hello?" I cover one of my ears with my finger, trying to block out some of the normal, day-to-day busyness that goes down in this section of the hospital.
"Iz. Great, finally I caught you!" She laughs. "I'm sorry to break it to you, but the board won't accept your request...." Her voice lowers, showing her disappointment.
"They won't let me stay a little bit longer?" I question, dropping my hand from my ear, suddenly able to hear every word she says just fine.
"The board all agreed on it. They stated that you have to come back at the end of this week or we cannot continue to produce your writings. Present or future tense." Jackie goes quiet, making it hard for me to hide my on-edge cries, "I'll call you back later... I'm sorry I have to do this, but I need the answer tonight."
"Thank you, Jackie...." I murmur before hanging up from the conversation. I lean my back against the wall, my hands flowing through my hair. I have to choose between leaving and following my dream, or staying put, waiting for the man I love to wake up. My tears silently fall down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away when I hear Ella and Justin running down the hallway.
"Iz!" Justin shouts, and I push away from the wall.
"What's going on?" I question.
"The doctor has information about Caleb's state!" Ella says, grabbing my hand. She pulls me all the way to the doc., which consisted of being  dragged half way around the hospital. "You got her here!" Hilary squealed, looping arms with me. I stayed quiet, my thoughts still on the previous conversation. When the doctor appears, I turn my attention on him, eager to hear good news.
"Well, he's stable." We all cheer as he pulls out a clip board, but our happiness doesn't last too long. "But,"
"But?" Hilary's voice lowers at his words.
"We don't know how long he will be in his state."
"You mean he's stuck in a coma?" Hilary breaks down. I feel my throat tighten, and everything goes silent.
"It could be weeks, or even months; we don't know."
"My boy!" Hilarys sobs continue. Ella pulls me into a hug and I feel numb. Justin is placed against the wall, his hands traveling through his hair, anger building up on his face. My parents come walking down the hall, and I separate from Ella, running into my daddys arms.
"Iz?" He questions.
"It's bad..." I sob. "It's really bad!"

~~~

I stand outside his room, looking in from the doorway. I wipe away another tear that slips down my cheek, just as my mother joins me.
"I'm so sorry," She whispers.
"Months, mom. Months." I reply, my eyes focused on him.
"I know about your job...." I turn my head. She takes my hand, the warmth still comforting me.
"I was so determined to leave, but now," I let more tears fall. "I don't know...."
"My baby girl." She embraces me, allowing me to cry on her shoulder.
"I want to continue my dreams, but mama, I love him...." She nods and I pull away. "I want to be by his side when he wakes up, so bad."
"Honey, you're going to lose something either way."
"I know, that's what I'm afraid of...." I barely whisper.
"What would Caleb want you to do?"

What would Caleb want me to do...?
I am hit with that question right in the chest, unprepared for it. This is going to be hard, but I know what I'm going to do.

~~~

"Hey..." I murmur, joining Caleb in his colorful, decorated hospital room. They moved him to a more permanent room, which was hard. Hilary hasn't been doing very good, and watching them transfer her son to a room designated to hold someone for a while, she was nonstop in tears. "This is nice..." I whisper, turning around to view the whole room. "You'd like it; it's clean." I joke. I sit down in the 'visiters chair' and I hold onto his hand, firmly. "I told myself that I am not going to cry, but no promises." All that I get as a response is the beeping of his EKG machine. Before I know it tears are falling from my eyes. "I hope I'm right about how I know you; if not you are allowed to be as mad as you want to be at me." I let out a sad laugh, stroking his hand. I remember all of those times when he slept next to me, calm and handsome, just like now. It just makes it harder when you don't know if he will be waking up in the next eight hours.... "I love you, Caleb, and I know you love me. You would want me to leave, to fulfill my dreams, but I want to stay by your side, to be there when you open up your eyes." I take a deep breath, "That's why I'm leaving. But I'm coming back, and when I do, I will never leave your side again." I stand up. "I love you, Caleb Thompson. Forever." I kiss his cheek, and a tear of mine falls onto his chest. I hesitate to leave, but when I do, I run for the elevator. I push the main level seven times or more, trying to keep myself away from doing what I want to do. I slide along the elevator wall, in the corner, hugging my knees. I'm leaving him. I'm leaving him....

~~~

I take deep breaths, putting my last suitcase into the trunk of my parents mini-van. They have had this piece of junk since Justin and I were in diapers. I then turn to the side, ready to shut the car door, when more bags appear. I look up to see Ella's depressed face. She looked as bad as I felt....
"We gotta keep moving." I murmur lifting her rock load suitcase, then I add her carrion bag.
"I don't want to leave." She mutters. I slam the trunk, turning to my newest best friend.
"I know," I give her a hug, "I don't want to either." Then I pull away, "But we have a job that needs us. Then we can do or go anywhere we want to go." That got her smiling; goal achieved.
"You two are going to miss your flight!" My mother yells through the car. I push Ella playfully into the car, but before I join her, I send another look up at the building I call home. I remember the time Caleb helped me into my peacoat that first day we met, and the time I ran into him exiting the elevator to see my home a mess, or the note that left me feeling angry yet bubbly. Many memories laid in that building, and here I am leaving it all again.
"Iz?" Ella's voice interrupts my thoughts on the past. I hop in the car, courage taking root.
"Let's go." I order, my parents driving off. When we reached the airport, my courage had already worn off. Every one was already in line for goodbye hugs, and I wasn't ready for any of them. Jackson was first, then Katie. Hilary, Leo, Justin, mama, then daddy. My mom gave me one last hug before were headed for the gate, but when we separated, my eyes were glazing over.
"Angel, what is it?"
"I keep expecting him to walk in that door, late as always," I laugh, my voice getting rough, "To encourage me that I'm doing the right thing."
"Baby," She pulls a strand of hair behind my hair, "He will be so proud of you!"
"You think so?"
"Iz, I know so."

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Thanks for reading!!

Sorry for being so behind, that was a pretty big cliffhanger to leave you guys hanging for a long time.... Hope you enjoyed the chapter (:

- Emuna_Jasmine