Today was bad, I don't like realised the reality of my condition. I went to the shops with my mum and Veronica, all was fine until after being out for two hours. The best way to describe my tiredness is to compare it to clockwork; a wound up clock at first is ticking along happily until it gradually slows down after a while. I began to bicker with Veronica towards the end after being in a supermarket, my mum yelled at us in the carpark.
As we sat in the car I remained quiet, she sighed, "We can't just got home because you're tired! This is why I go out with just Veronica."
Basically that was the jest of what she said, as we drove home I stared at my reflection in her rear few mirror. I looked dead, I might as well have been. My eyes so small and hallow, my face was lifeless and the dark circles under my eyes didn't help. I began to wonder what my mum thought of me now? I could tell she was frustrated with my Narcolepsy and how after a shopping trip or walk up the road sometimes I'd have to go bed. Did she wish for me to be the way I use to be, full of life and always on the go? She probably never even mentioned my health to anyone or hoped that nobody would question my odd wellbeing. She always gave me concealer for my bags under my eyes, she always told me to act normal, whilst normal wasn't what I was anymore.
My mum apologised before we go home, but I headed straight to my room and laid curled up in a blanket on my bed. Tears fell from my eyes as it hit me, I never would have thought my life would be like this. It was only half twelve in day and I was ready to sleep. But I couldn't sleep as the thoughts raced to my thoughts and my quiet crying kept me awake.
What had I done so wrong to end up like this? Why couldn't the girls who would drink and party till early hours in the morning be like this! I hadn't murdered, I hadn't committed any crime or broke any rules.
Yet I was the one who had to leave the party early, I was the one had to try twice as hard to appear like everyone else. I was the one who was afraid to live her life in fear that people would notice I was different and turn their backs on me. I didn't know the answers, but all I knew was that moment, I would have rather been someone else.
YOU ARE READING
FEELS: The College Diaries
Non-Fiction'I had to work ten times as hard as everyone else... And that was just trying to seem as normal as everyone else.' FEELS. Audrey has A LOT of them. Audrey was never always a normal girl, she daydreamed of time traveling aliens to take her away and w...
