What's happening to me?

Listen to me

Laurence's POV:

What?

He didn't think we were working? Does he not actually love me? Oh god what have I done? This is no doubt my fault. It's all my fault. I'm such a fuck up. I didn't deserve him anyway.

Kier's POV:

As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them. Why did I have to open my big mouth? Ugh I'm such a dick.
I don't deserve him.

On the other hand, if I don't mention it, things will only get worse and there is no chance to improve.

'What did I do?' He asked guiltily, hanging his head in shame.

'No no no it's not your fault. Well it is but-.'

'But what?'

'I don't know if you realize what you're doing. I don't know if you can help it.'

'Help what? What? What do I do?' He panicked.

'You're just so... Negative, I guess.' I paused, thinking about how to phrase what I wanted to say. 'You're so hard on yourself. You say all this horrible stuff about yourself, saying you're fat and ugly and stuff like that, and I know that no matter how hard I try to tell you otherwise I know you'll never believe me. I don't know what to do or how to help and if makes me feel like shit Bevers.'

'Well I-'

'It's not just that though, is it?' I interjected, cutting him off. 'You've avoided me like shit on a shoe since we've been together. It seems like you make a conscious effort to stay away from me, or to avoid me in any way you can. I don't know if you realize it or not so I don't know if you can help it but it sucks ass.'

'I'm sorry...' He mumbled, ashamed. I just struggle with this. I don't know how to act or behave around you anymore, this is all new to me and is taking uh, slightly longer, let's say, for me to adjust than I would have hoped.'

A moment of uneasy silence followed before he shuffled his feet, kicking the lamp post before questioning; 'so what now?'

'I'm not sure Beveridge. I'm not sure.' I shook my head gently with sincerity.

'Well, what do you want to happen?' He pressed.'

'I don't know that either. I mean I want to stay with you, but not like this.'

'Okay. How do you want it then?'

'I want it so we act like a couple, like boyfriends. I don't want to act like a couple of friends that barely talk.' I turned as I heard Laurence sigh, only to be grabbed by the wrist by him as I started my descent down the steps of the tube station.

'I'll try harder. I promise. Just give me some time, okay?' He pleaded.

I've never heard him like this. He sounds distraught how can I say no to him when he's in this state? I can't can I?

'Of course Bevers. I'll give you as much time as you need.'

'So uh, given that we are in London with Oyster cards,' he wiggled his free hand, the one holding his Oyster card, 'and given that we are uh, Timid free,' he wiggled his eyebrows, 'how about we go to Hyde Park?'

Have I misunderstood because that to me, sounded like awfully asking someone out on a date, albeit a shoddy attempt.

'Laurence Beveridge, did you just ask me out on a date?' I accused sarcastically.

'No! No no of course not.' He laughed off. My mood dropped, and the corners of my mouth fell. 'I mean uh it could be I guess. I mean, you know, if you want.' He scratched the back of his head and looked at the busy road.