~~Young~~

Chapter Ten

   God what was she doing, was she insane? Was she really making up excuses to be with him, reassuring her only credible witness that she would be fine, alone, with Gage when she was sure of just the opposite?  

   Yes, she was, and she couldn’t seem to get herself to shut up either.

   She was about to close herself behind doors with the investigator she was less and less convinced wasn’t after her with every moment that passed. What his reasons for pursuing her were she wasn’t sure anymore be them personal or work related, but still she was giving him exactly what he wanted. Alone time. With a man she was sure she had seen death in the eyes of just a moment ago- stunning as they are- to what, save the life of some stuck up French boy?

   But maybe…maybe it would work to her benefit. Maybe if it was just the two of them he’d be more likely to tell his own secrets. Tell her once and for all what he was really here for.

   Oh, but that was a problem too now wasn’t it. She was going to have drinks with him. Let her inhibitions drop- no matter the promises of the waiter- and most likely blab a whole bunch of shit she wasn’t supposed to with no one here to stop her. Very well putting herself, her Angels, and everything she had worked so hard to protect in jeopardy because she knew very well she wouldn’t be able to stop at one.

   And damn but she needed a drink right now.

   It was an addiction he couldn’t possibly know of, her whole family were closet alcoholics, an addictive personality they called it. She’s done it before, had just one drink and been done with it…but those situations were a far cry of the stress she was under right now. At times like this she was so very much like her family she loathed, wanted the numbness to just forget everything, to pretend like everything was okay when it wasn’t. But unlike them, Sera could never find that peace even if she drank herself into unconsciousness.

   Somehow she managed to keep the hysterical laugh to herself with that thought. Apparently she didn’t need consciousness or liquor for loose talk to escape her mouth, just sleep.

   Not that it was the first time she had talked in her sleep, but definitely the first time she had in front of a total stranger.

   She had talked in her sleep and she had no idea what she said. And when she woke up from her inconvenient- if not badly needed- nap there he was, curled around her. Tears in her eyes and everything.

   That was just terrific too, her breaking down at the mere mention of her being scared. That she couldn’t stop kicking herself for, for looking weak in front of him like that.

   Not like he hadn’t already seen it when you were sleeping.

   She didn’t have to guess what her nightmare was about; it was always the same suffocating darkness threatening to take over. To kill all that was left of her will and make her nothing but an unfeeling, uncaring soulless shell of a woman only concerned with herself. It was so much harder to fight then it was to just give in though. In that moment, when she could take no more and let the darkness have her, shutting down all emotion, she found that one moment of peace. All too soon though she would realize how fleeting it was, seeing the awful things her merciless body would commit. No feelings meant no remorse...

   No, it was in that moment she was like her family, like her own parents and their ruthless greed to achieve whatever they wanted no matter the price. Be it monetary or in blood.

   Too many, she thought, too many lives ruined because of that darkness.

   Every time it happened she swore she would never let the darkness in again, but eventually, she would. Because what it offered her she could not achieve in her own right no matter how hard she worked, how good she was. Giving in though meant there was always the chance she wouldn’t be able to fight her way back, that the bridge between her self and her self-hate would collapse. She knew it weakened with every crossing, had begun to watch it crumble as the years- and the obligations- mounted. And she couldn’t be sure which was worse, to be stuck on the other side and never feel any emotion for the rest of her life? Or to be stuck as she was, knowing her only chance at peace was forever taken away from her no matter the consequences.