Maple

Ch10

Maple

It was almost one when I got back home. David dropped me off right in front of my apartment this time. Dr. Lisa had instructed me not to go to school tomorrow, which I was grateful for. I'm not sure I'd be able to face the students or the studies in the state that I'm in.

My apartment was dark and cold as I stepped into it. It didn't have the warmth and safety of a home, but I knew that that came with the people, not with the building. I dropped my bag where it belonged. I have to thank David for that too, I probably would have forgotten it on the sidewalk if he hadn't asked the police to get it for me.

I didn't bother with dinner; I was too worn out to make anything. I slipped into the most comfortable nightie I owned and crawled into bed. I was exhausted, but my mind wouldn't let me sleep. I kept thinking of what happened in Al's room at the hospital. Ok, I know I could have worded it a little better. I mean, I didn't exactly kill my parents, but it was my fault.

To my surprise, David was very understanding as I told him about the tragedy. He had hardly said a word as I had recounted the details. My parents and Al were in the car fourteen months ago, in the summer of my grade nine year. They were on their way to my piano recital. I used to play at a national level. It was the biggest concert in my short career. I told them to come no matter what. I didn't realize that Dad had a meeting that ended just five minutes before my recital started. They didn't want to fail me. The three of them were rushing to get there. And that's when it happened. It was a truck, apparently. My parents died almost instantly and Alexander was in a coma ever since. I didn't even know it had happened. I was angry at them for not showing up.   

I had said all this to him without shedding a single tear. I had already cried myself dry over it countless times before. Now it was just a numb feeling in my heart that repeated the same three facts over and over: It was your fault. You killed them. You made Al like this.

I realized I wouldn't be falling asleep anytime soon, so I reached into the first drawer of the bed side table and pulled out my diary and a pen. I've been keeping a diary ever since the accident so I could tell Al all about what he missed, without omitting a single detail. It was actually Dr. Lisa's idea. I crawled out of bed and into the moonlit balcony. There wasn't much of a view down below, just a couple old buildings and some unruly trees. But above me the dark sky was freckled with millions of stars and the moon was almost full. Even though my life was torn, and my heart was shattered, the world continued to dazzle me with all its beauty.

I sat on the lone, rickety wooden chair and opened the diary to the next free page.

Dear Alex,

I began and then my pen let loose, recounting all the details of the day. From the skirmish I had with Miranda in the English room to the incident in the Clinic, to the assault that I experienced after work. I told him about the new friends I made and the things I told David in the hospital. I wrote till my hand ached and my eyes were droopy with fatigue. I wrote my heart out like I did every night, till my eyes were brimming with tears and my handwriting resembled a bunch of scribbles. Finally, I signed off like I always did:

How I wish that you were here to experience these things with me. I will be here when you awaken, waiting for you. I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me one day.

With all the love in the world,

Your older sister,

Maple

 I closed the notebook gingerly and got up to leave. A cold wind blew against my cheek and through the thin fabric of my nightgown, causing me to shiver. I hadn't even realized it was so cold because I was so engrossed in my writing. Inside, I placed the diary back into the drawer and inched under the warm covers. The bed was lumpy and the wind was howling outside my window, but nothing could stop me drifting off to sleep.