Maple

Ch18

Maple

As I made my way to the hospital, I wondered if David would say the same thing if he knew what had happened. I sighed, I wished Mom was here. She'd know what to do. If only the accident had never happened. I shook my head. I thought I had gotten over this. I knew I could never shake the guilt away completely, but I was way past denial.

A year after the accident, Alex's doctor, Dr. Leonard, discussed the option of 'letting him go'. In other words, getting him off life support and letting him die. I completely refused, obviously, and there was no changing my mind. However, my grandma actually thought about it. She said it might be for the best. We got into an argument and I hadn't spoken to her since.

Sometimes, I wonder if she blames me for Mother's death. I know it's far-fetched, but the thought alone fills me with guilt. I'm glad we live apart. I wonder if Uncle Tim blames me. He's Mother's younger brother and Grandma's only remaining child. He lives with Grandma and runs the farm, although he works in retail.

I entered the hospital feeling a little dismal. I put on my smiling mask whenever someone greeted me, but there was a bitter taste in my mouth. I made it to Al's room and froze by the door. I could hear voices inside. I swung the door open quickly and stepped inside.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, a little louder than I expected. The anger from the last time we spoke came back full force. "Are you here to kill him? You don't have the right!"

"Calm down Maple" Dr Lisa hushed, "I called her here."

"Why would you do that?"

"Maple" Grandma spoke and her voice pierced my heart. I missed her, but I refused to admit it. "I heard you were hospitalized. Why didn't you call me? I know we live apart, but I am your grandmother."

My anger subsided a little, which gave way to guilt. After the accident Grandma was the one who was there for me. When I was broken and lost, she had held me in her arms. Of course she didn't blame me. That was all in my mind. But I still couldn't forgive her for giving up on Alex. I remembered what David had said as he left the apartment and sighed. I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but it was time to settle things once and for all.

"Grandma, how could you? How could you even think about it? He could wake up any time, but you gave up on him. I can't believe you." My eyes were blurring with tears. I realized I was tired of doing it on my own. I needed my Grandmother. Based on what she said, I could easily forgive her.

"Maple, I did that for you," she explained.

"What?"

"Have you not realized what you had done with your own life? Everything you do is for Alex now. You work yourself to the bone. You never do anything for yourself anymore."

"It's only until he wakes up!"

"But Maple, you're wasting your life away when you don't even know if he'll wake up. I wanted you to live your own life."

I shook my head, the tears were already falling down my cheeks.

"Grandma, this was my own choice. And I've gotten much better now. I've made friends. I went out to the cinema. Please don't take him away from me."

My Grandma was crying now.

"Maple, I wouldn't have been strong enough to do it anyway," she gave a tearful smile, "He's my grandson, too, you know? I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to lose you. I'm sorry. I was confused, and I wanted to protect you. But now I see that it wasn't the right thing to say, even if I wouldn't have carried it out."

We were hugging now, and crying into each other. Dr. Lisa wiped her own tears and left the room, giving us our privacy.

"I'm sorry Alexander" Grandmother said, sitting in the chair by his bed. "I have to believe in you more. I wish I was as strong as you, Maple."

"I'm not that strong. You're the one who held me up after the accident, even though it was my fault." Grandmother blinked.

"You're fault? Who said that?" she raised her voice. "Was it Tim?"

"No, Grandma, I just thought that myself."

"Don't be silly. Pointless guilt won't get you anywhere, trust me" she instructed.

"But-"

"Now, that accident could have happened to anybody. You can't see the future, how could you have known? And why did you give up piano? Was that out of guilt, too, or to make more time for you to help Alex? See, this is why I say you never do anything for yourself" she rambled on and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Ok, ok, Granny. I'm sorry. I gave up piano out of choice, too, but it was for those two reasons". I thought for a second. "There's a music club in school, how about I sign up for that next semester."

"That's good" she smiled and my heart filled with warmth. "It's what Peter and Grace would have wanted."

I hadn't heard my parent's names in a long time and it tugged at my heart painfully. Grandma sensed my pain and changed the subject.

"Now," she grinned, "tell me about those friends of yours."

 Automatically, my mouth turned up into a smile. Where do I begin?

David

That night me and Mother drove home content and satisfied. The tense air that always seemed to surround us had lifted hours ago. We had finally come to consensus that Mother would quit het part-time job that she does on weekends and instead I would start working part-time after school. That way, I wouldn't have to wait too long for her weekdays and we could see each other on weekends. Plus, I wouldn't have to change schools.

I had come to like the academy after some time, mostly because of my friends, but the terrain and the building was also nice. Maybe I should actually put some effort into studying, if not for me, then for my mom.

Me and Mother were cooking dinner together, well, trying, we were both not very good cooks, when my phone rang. I turned the radio down, which we had been dancing to while working, and picked up my phone. It was Maple.

"Hi!" she said, more cheerfully than ever before.

"Hmm, should I be worried?" I joked. "You miss me already? Didn't we meet today?"

"Haha, not even! Anyway, I have good news. I would have come over to tell like you did, except I don't know where you live. Plus, I wouldn't want to disturb your mother-son boding time."

"Well, isn't that considerate of you?"

"I'm just that kind of person. Anyway, to the point, I talked to my grandma."

"Really? Finally thought of taking your own advice?"

"It was complicated, ok! I just wanted to say thank you. She and my uncle will be staying in town for a while, so I don't know if I'll be able to hang out."

"That's cool."

"'Kay, bye!"

"Bye"

I put the phone down with a smile on my lips.

"Who was that? Don't tell me you have a girlfriend and you're keeping it from me!" mother questioned.

"No, Mom, she's just a friend!" I defended.

"Yeah, a friend whose a girl, in other words, a girlfriend" she grinned, her eyebrows dancing.

"I'm not going to have this argument with you." I sighed, "Anyway, what's that smell? Is it just me or is the pasta burning?"