It's funny to think back on everything that happened between Luke and I. It's also quite hard to believe that it all started over 5 years ago. It was already October of 2017. I'd just recently become legal to drink in my home country. That was something I'd been planning on celebrating with my best friends once it happened, since I was the last one to turn 21. I had dated three guys in my life, kissed all three of them, and fell in love with one of them.
Yeah. I love Luke. And, I'm sincerely hoping he loves me. Actually, I don't really need to hope. I know he does. It's not even the fact that he tells me every time he talks to me. It's the small things. Like how he rescued me from a glass-ridden floor last week when I dropped a cup. Or how he keeps an extra hair-tie in his wallet behind his license because I seem to always forget to have one on my wrist.
But yeah, it's still funny to think about our history. We had more spikes and lows in the past that we could beat out a magnitude 9 earthquake. But it made our relationship that much stronger. There's this quote that says 'if he can't handle me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best.' It's so true.
Once upon a time, Luke Hemmings saw me at my worst. He saw me with bruises covering my body, blood dripping down my arm, tears streaming down my cheeks. And what did he do? He allowed me into his home. No, not to stay. Not originally, at least. I'm talking about before that. When Ashton picked me up off the ground and asked Luke if he could take us back to his place. Despite having no reason to say yes, given the fact that we were practically sworn enemies, Luke agreed. He handled me at my worst.
So yes, he certainly deserved me at my best. Though I don't know what my best is just yet. Maybe I'll figure it out one day.
But, the real question is this: do I deserve him? I'd seen Luke go through a few rough times. Of course, most of them had to do with me. Like when we fought right before his tour that one day. I didn't handle it well. Or when he broke down in the hallway when I sang the song with Kylee's quote. I didn't handle that well, either. The only time Luke had ever fully broken down was when they had been in London and he disappeared. And I wasn't even there for that. I didn't talk to him during it, didn't see his face, nothing. So how the hell am I supposed to believe I deserved him?
Putting all past indiscretions to the side, Luke was a fantastic guy. He adored and appreciated his fans, thought about the smallest of things that might make my day brighter, and kept a level head in almost every situation (not including a month ago when my mother showed up). I was lucky if I remembered to call him on my lunch break at work and ask how his day was going, let alone think about how to make his day better. He always says that simply calling him makes his day, but I wish I'd do more than that on a regular basis. I could use the excuse that I'm constantly busy. But so is Luke. So that excuse is invalid.
I want to deserve him. Oh, God, do I want to deserve him. Actually, scratch that. I don't want to. I need to. Have to. Absolutely must. And not only because I loved him, though that was certainly a major factor in the equation.
As I sat, staring at my counter with disbelief, I realized how badly I needed Luke. October wound around my legs, her soft chirps and meows reminding me of how, if this were still 2013, my life in 2017 would be so different.
Maybe Luke and I wouldn't have ended up as close as we are now. I'm almost certain he'd resent me in the years to come as Cal and Michael went off to college, leaving him behind with me. Ash would have graduated school, and gone on to become a teacher of some sort. There would be no 5 Seconds of Summer. Not globally recognized, at least.
Or perhaps there would be. But what would everyone think of that? Would Luke be adored as much as he is now? Or would my existence be a shadow hanging over him, tainting his image forever? Would he talk to me, or would every picture of the two of us end up in the tabloids as another story about how we just can't agree on anything?
It was scary to think about what would have happened then. He had been right in being so nervous about it, even if he never said anything. I hadn't even thought about it. But I was sure as hell thinking about it now. Like I said, Luke thought of everything.
But clearly he didn't. Because otherwise I wouldn't be looking at those two little lines. Two lines. So small, but such a large impact.
A knock at my door roused me from my thoughts. I knew who it was. I'd asked him to come over as soon as he could get away from rehearsal. I stood from the chair and crossed my apartment before opening the door. I was promptly met with a hug.
"Hey beautiful. How're you?" Luke asked as he passed me and entered my apartment. I watched him crouch down to scratch my cat behind the ears. I turned away to close the door, hoping my body language didn't betray just how nervous I actually was about this entire situation. How does one go about bringing this type of thing up? "My God, your apartment is messy. You have dishes on your counter. You know there's-" I guess I didn't have to bring it up.
When I turned around, Luke wasn't facing me. His hand was reaching out towards the small plastic contraption resting on my counter. I couldn't see his face, but his shoulders looked tense. Everything was going in such slow motion, and I hated it. My mind screamed for Luke to turn around, to look at me so I could tell him what was going on. Finally, he did.
The two of us stared at each other for a few moments. Luke looked shocked. I couldn't tell if it was a bad shocked or a good one, though I desperately hoped it was the latter. After taking in a deep breath, I finally broke the silence.
"You're going to be a dad."
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OKAY I LIED. I feel like y'all have waited long enough for me to post chapters for this story that you deserved the epilogue as well. SO. Here it is! I hope you enjoyed it, and please know this:
THERE WILL BE A THIRD BOOK.
Don't panic, I promise I'm not gonna leave you all with a cliffhanger like that one for long. I've already began writing the third book, but Imma wait to post it until I know I am able to start and complete it in a regular manner. Mmkay? It'll be out sometime after my birthday, which is in May.
Just want to take this moment to say that I am forever grateful to all of you readers who have put up with my shenanigans for the past like 2 years. Seriously. Like how did I get from that first chapter to here? It's crazy to think about it! It means so much to me to know that you all support my writing and like it enough to vote and comment! Ugh, I'm all emotional over here.
Anyways, as always, I love each and every one of you to bits, and I will see you next time!!!
Until then, though. You should all add me on Twitter and Instagram. I'll follow back if you ask! :)
T: HannahRennae
I: hannahrennaej
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Forgiven // l.h. // Book 2 in Bully Series
Fanfiction"We're like the stupidest people ever." "Yeah, we kinda are."
