You belong with me

Chapter 8

What's it like to sit in sweatpants and a sweater with no make-up next to a perfectly styled Karlie Kloss, eating fruit salad, watching some trashy tv series and talking about how amazing cats are? I can tell you: It's pretty awesome. If you look at her, you could easily think that she's one of these girls that never go out of style and judge others, who like to look like a homeless man sometimes. The thing is she's pure sunshine and it seems like she isn't able to be mean to anyone. I'm pretty sure she can make an insult sound like a compliment. Her mouth is magic. "Thank you!", a grinning Karlie says. "What??", I ask confused. "You just said 'Her mouth is magic' and I assumed that you're talking about me because - let's be honest - my mouth is magic, I mean just ask Toni." My face feels like it's on fire and I can't look into her face when I answer: "That was gross Karlie really. I'm definitly not talking about that!" "But you're talking about me?", she says playfully. God this girl will kill me one day! I can't stop blushing so it doesn't make sense to deny it. I decide to change the subject. "Since you started talking about Toni, I thought you could tell me what you feel about her." Her smile fades and she sighs. "Tay I don't really want to talk about it..." Normally I would have stopped at least at this point because I respect her and I'm way to afraid that she'll think I'm annoying but today I have to know. "No Kar! I'm your friend! I'm here for you and I think you don't even know it yourself. I think you don't think about it because you don't want to think about it." "That doesn't even make sense..." "You're afraid of what you could realize. You're afraid of realizing that you're not in love anymore, that your relationship with Toni is basically kind of dead and you're afraid of realizing that it would be the best to break up with her and end all this. You don't want to do that because you like her and you don't want to hurt her and you're thinking about all the good times. The last year, when everything seemed so simple and everything was awesome. But you have to think about it. You have to figure your feelings out. You have to know what you want, because otherwise it'll hurt you and Toni even more." I realize that I was nearly screaming when I said these last words. The brown haired girl looks at the ground. Finally she starts speaking: "You're probably right. Yeah I think you're right with all my doubts and why I don't want to think about it but do you know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone for a year. You've spent a whole year with one person. You've had high highs and low lows. You've seen them at their best and at their worst. You know so many secrets of each other and all these little things that made you fall in love with them - you remember everything. You're first date, your first kiss, the first time you called her your 'girlfriend', the first time you met each others parents, the first time you had sex, the first time you spent a whole weekend together, your first holiday together - all these first times are awesome. Of course you remember also your first fight, the first time you screamed at each other till you both cried, the first time you ignored each other for 3 days straight, the first time you got really angry cause she's trying to make you jealous on purpose, the first time you checked her phone because you don't trust her 100%. I remember all of this and I thought about breaking up with Toni, I thought about possibly not being in love with Toni anymore but everytime I think about it, it's not the bad things that come into my mind. It's not our fight or anything, no I remember her standing in front of my house in the middle of the night in the rain with a single red rose screaming 'I love you' and smiling like an idiot. I know that Toni acts like a real bitch at school sometimes but she's actually really sweet and caring. At school she runs around wearing high heels and being the most cliche girl possible but with me she acted like a 14 year old who's hopelessly in love with you and would do everything for you. She did so many things for me. You know that people always say that one person loves more in a relationship? I was afraid of that. I was head over heels falling for her but she... I mean she's a goddess. Why on earth should she like a girl like me? But my doubts were stupid because she put effort in our relationship. She worked really hard for us, she was never shy about being in a relationship with me a freshman and on top of that a girl, it was never a problem for her. She would come over sometimes just to give me a goodnight kiss. When we had our first sleepover she asked me if I expected sex tonight and I told her that I would do it if she would want it and she answered that she would never have sex with me if it's not what I want. She told me that I should be ready and that she would be okay with me being my whole life not ready because she doesn't care about that. She said she cares about holding my hand, kissing my lips and cuddeling. And everything we've done that night was cuddeling but it still will be forever one of my favorite nights with her. Toni Garrn is my first real love and she means the world to me. And because of that I feel guilty when I think about breaking up with her. How could I throw all this away? Right now our relationship is far away from perfect and I know that the spark that we had at our beginning is missing but should I really give up on us just because I don't feel the energy rushing through my blood when we touch or because the butterflies, which used to be in my stomach when we kiss, are gone? Just because the normally comfortable silence isn't that comfortable anymore? These are just little things, nothing major." I stare at her. This speech was intense. "Wow." That was lame Taylor, like really lame. But I don't know what to answer. I kind of get her. Obviously it's hard to think about breaking up with someone you've really been in love with. It's still necessary. "I understand you, really I do." I look into her eyes and I genuinely mean it. She gives me a small smile. "But even though it seem to be just little things - you should be happy in a relationship. That's what it's all about. So ask yourself: 'Are you happy?' You don't need to tell me the answer. I just want you to think about it. In the end it's 100% your decision. I don't know if Toni's worth all this trouble and I don't know if in 2 weeks everything has changed and you're all lovey-dovey and stuff, but I know that you're amazing Karlie and you deserve just the best and 100% happiness. That's why I'm telling you all this." And because I love you and hate seeing you hurt.

Being the friend of the love of your life sucks. It doesn't suck as much as not being able to talk to her or worse her not even knowing you but it still sucks. When you're giving advice you have to choose if you're giving her advice as a friend or as a person who's hopelessly in love with her. Today it was actually pretty easy. I decided to help her as a friend but it was close to helping her as a lover so I didn't have to think about it for a while. Seeing her with another person hurts but seeing her hurt or broken would probably kill me. 

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A/N: I'm really sorry for not updating. I'm on vacation right now so I don't have that much time. I'm also sorry for this chapter because it's basically pretty lame. But I think it's necessary and I wanted to show you somehow that Toni is actually a really sweet girl. The next chapter(s) will be definitly more action and more Kaylor and we're getting closer to the finale.

One last thing: Thank you for reading and voting! I'm always jumping around like an idiot after every vote and I'm pretty sure people think I'm insane but yeah haters gonna hate! So thanks guys!