Love Me Harder✔

to dad

{edited}

To: Dad

Love: Darcy Styles

Dear Dad, 

If you're reading this then that means you either found my prewritten letters or I'm dead. I'm sorry. I'm so so so so so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happy. I didn't mean for any of this to happen to you. I know you lost mom to suicide too and I know you lost Uncle Zayn to suicide and now you lost me. 

I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. It has nothing to do with you. This is all my fault, trust me. I just wanted to be happy and I was for such a long time. I was happy when I came back from rehab, I had a perfect boyfriend and such supporting friends and family and I had you. I graduated high school and I went to college to become a writer. I went to college with Derek and we were so happy. 

But nothing lasts forever.

He began drinking again. I was his fiance and he would come home shitfaced and I didn't know what I was doing wrong. I didn't know why he was doing this. Was there something wrong with me? There obviously was. Why did everyone hate me? Why did everyone leave me?

So the night before our wedding I caught him shitfaced again and I caught him on top of another woman. He said it was because I was too sad to give him anything anymore. We had just lost our baby and he expected me to think everything would be okay again and it never would. Losing a baby never feels good. We had only three months with our baby and he was taken from us. Why does this happen? What did I do to deserve this?

We tried to have kids again but the doctor said I couldn't. He said if I had another baby, I would most likely die during birth. Derek wanted kids so bad so he tried, just with another woman. 

I guess that was my final straw. I called the wedding off and I wrote a book. The book was about me and everything that happened in my life. I wrote a book called, "Love Me Harder." I'm pretty sure you read it. It was the number one best selling book of the year. I went on a book tour and I met Stephen. I guess the sparks were still there so we got together and it was history from there.

We traveled the world and then I settled down with him and he proposed to me. We both got jobs at the same college and we were so ready to be so fucking happy together. It was so perfect.

But I guess nothing perfect lasts forever, right?

Derek came to visit me one night and I pretended to not know who he even was. Was that shallow of me? I hope it wasn't. I was being petty but I couldn't let myself get hurt all over again. He cheated on me. He didn't deserve me. 

Everything was so hard and I felt like I was drowning again. Stephen then left me and then I wrote this letter. I plan on jumping out the window and I guess if you're reading this now, then I really did jump out the window. 

I'm sorry for everything I've done and please, don't do anything harmful, dad. Everybody needed you and I love you.

I'll say hi to mom and Landon and Uncle Zayn and my baby boy, James. 

Until we meet again, I love you.

All the Love,

Darcy Styles.

p.s., this wasn't your fault. Don't think that, okay? You were an amazing father and I love you so so much for that. 

p.p.s. This is my happy place, I promise you. This is where I was always meant to be.