Leaves of Autumn

[13] Leaves of Autumn

Chapter Thirteen

It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.  It’s hard to stay positive when nothing goes right.

Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.

I will look up and smile one day.  Just not today.

            The skies are dark and grey as if they’re mirroring my feelings.  I’m waiting for the sun to come out of the sky and of me.  I want to be happy again.  But I just don’t know when I will...

Days blurred into weeks and eventually 3 weeks had passed since I had been living with Oliver.

Jordan could see how distant I was, Eve tried saying things but stopped in case she said something wrong, and Oliver acted like normal to keep me sane.

Eventually Oliver sat me down at his home, gave me a pen and told me to write my feelings into poems.

They started to be depressing, but as time moved on I finally came to a realisation.  This event is in my past, and I need to do all I can to get up and walk past this sorrow with my head held high. I am the author of my life.  Unfortunately I am writing in pen and can’t erase the mistakes.

Confused as I am, I smile every day, but behind the smile burns the pain.

Life takes its twists and turns, and some of my actions drive me insane.

Curious about everything, and trying to grow up too fast,

I get hurt along the way and have regrets about my past.

Battling the lost part of me that has broken away,

Struggling hard to find the light but to darkness and concerns my mind strays

No regrets, no mistakes, they’re part of who I am,

But I’m taunted and haunted I’m trapped in this dam.

No walls in my mind, free to explore,

To escape from the terror I just have to open the door.

Scared to make the leap, afraid of what might come,

My heart pounds, longing for freedom.

As I take a hesitant step towards change,

I keep my memories and hope they stay the same.

So now I count my rainbows and not my thunderstorms,

Learning from my mistakes and moving on.

            Opening my eyes to the blinding light I stretched and got up.

            “Morning,” Oliver greeted me as usual.

            “Morning,” I replied.

            I went to the bathroom, showered, and put on a light pink dress.

            Oliver walked past me as I came out of the bathroom, then stopped and turned around, looking at me again.

            “You’re not wearing black,” he commented.

            “I have decided that I can’t just sit here and mope.  People die... and I have to move on with my life.”

            That’s when Oliver tackled me into a hug.  “I was so scared I lost you, Cece.”