Love Can Be Hard

Chapter 11

It's been almost two weeks since I got home from Chicago, I really miss Les. Of course I still talk to him on the phone almost every day. It's not the same as being there with him. While I was there both of us had talked about going to college. I was doing some more investigating for myself as I have the stranger issue so I wasn't sure if going to a regular college would be a good idea for me. 

Les was in the Phillipines for vacation and as we were talking one night he threw out the idea that he was debating on staying there for college. It was a shock of course, but if he wanted to do it I was behind him. "If this is what you want to do hun then I say go for it. Wish I was that brave." He laughed at me. I knew that he had been looking for my approval, which I found sweet. Of course I didn't realized the time difference would become a major issue, but one we could handle in the end.

Les had been there for a few weeks when one day he texts me something weird which ends up making me mad. I retaliate and it causes a big fight between us. He tells me it's over. At that point I'm feeling bad for fighting with him as I realized he was depressed again and it wasn't really him talking but his depression.

I panic and text Xander. "I don't know what the hell happened but Les just told me it's over. I'm freaking out. I don't wanna lose him Xandy." I wait to get a reply. It comes about an hour later, meanwhile I have been having panic attacks and throwing up. "What happened baby girl? What exactly did he say?" So I pretty much texted him most of the conversation. That's when Xander makes me think, telling me not to say anything I would regret. I begin crying realizing that it was too late. "I think it's too late."

At that point I run for the bathroom again. I knew I was making myself sick by worrying about it and stressing, but I couldn't help it at that point. I didn't get any sleep that night because Les wouldn't text me anymore. I really thought it was over and the worse thoughts were running through my head. I seriously wanted to end my life.

Xander told me "Don't worry kid you won't lose him I'll make sure of it." Not sure what he really could do, it just depressed me more. It was two days of depression for me thinking that I really had lost Les. It was killing me inside and I was struggling with thoughts of killing the outside of me as well. I didn't want to live without him. I had lost so much that I cared about and loved so far that this last one was going to be the end of me if it stayed that way.

It was a whole nother day before everything was finally straightened out and Les realized what happened due to his depression. He called me feeling so bad and kept appologizing for what he said. At that point I was struggling with whether I believed him or if he was saying that so that I didn't do anything stupid. It took me a couple of days to come to the conclusion that he really was sorry and wanted me back. Of course I still wanted him so there was no doubt on my end about that.