All the Waters of the Earth

Chapter 11: Life Isn't Meant to Suck

"So let me get this straight. He slept with you once—"

"Twice."

"—Twice, and now, while you'd never say this out loud or even think it, because you're a woman you think he's in love with you and you're wondering why he was an asshole when you saw him on his turf when he wasn't expecting you."

"Well, if you put it that way—"

"He's a guy. He's going to want to sleep with you. Don't confuse it with emotions. He didn't. You're being a romance writer. Knock it off."

I glared at Georgie, who was drinking a margarita, sitting on my couch, munching on chips and queso dip. Sara sat, quiet, as usual, in the arm chair, nursing a glass of white wine. After dinner, Rob retreated to his room to do his homework. I had called my friends after I got back from Amelia's office, needing to talk and get all of these thoughts out of my head. Too much had happened since I had last seen them.

"It felt like it was more than a booty call."

"I know." said Georgie. "It always does."

Her sympathy wasn't helping. It had felt like Jake opened up to me and then he had just shut down. And whatever it was that made him work so much, whatever it was that made him lose himself that way and forget that he was a caring, artistic guy, whatever it was that made him close himself off, well, I guess it wasn't my job to figure it out.

That kind of sucked, though. I wanted to figure him out. He was a puzzle. A gorgeous, generous, complicated puzzle, who treated me like shit not eight hours earlier.

But I wasn't going to do it.

For Rob, I wasn't going to have anything to do with Jake. I wasn't going to do anything that put Rob's status with me in jeopardy and if that meant look as wholesome as I could, then I would. I would smile pretty for the camera.

It would be different if I trusted Carlos, or if I thought that Rob would like spending time with him. But that wasn't what was going to happen. It was going to be Carlos's mom who was going to take care of Rob. She was nice enough, but she was getting up there in years, and she had a lot of medical issues. She wasn't going to be able to really take care of him; this was selfishness on Carlos's part.

"He told me some things," I said. "His childhood was bad."

"Everyone has a bad childhood."

"No," I said. "Not everyone. I didn't. Rob doesn't."

"Don't get so defensive, mama," said Sara. "But there's a point where you have to grow up and get some emotional maturity. It doesn't seem like he has that, even though he's older than you."

"I just don't think that anyone told him that life was what he made it. It seems like he thinks that life is meant to suck."

"It does suck sometimes," said Georgie.

"Not all the time," said Sara.

"He seems to think that if it feels good, he's not allowed to do it," I continued.

"Don't we all?" asked Georgie.

"What, you mean the guilty pleasure thing? I know all about guilty pleasures. I write them. And you know what? They aren't guilty. There is no reason to feel guilty about pleasure."

"Preaching to the choir, mama," said Georgie. "Calm down." She looked at my glass. "How many margaritas have you had?"

"Three."

"Listen, half pint, you're getting drunk."

"Wouldn't you, if you finally met a dream guy and he did what Jake did?"

"I'd be drunker than you," said Sara.

"Is there a chance that you are overreacting?" asked Georgie.

"No!" I said, a little louder than I had intended.

"Oooh-kay," she responded. "Just asking."

Was I overreacting? He had been trying to tell me something.

Who cares. I was going to follow my lawyer's advice. No relationships until this court ordeal was over with.

"He's just a little sad," I said. "I wanted to take care of him. He took care of me. He was so sweet and generous. It was a really awesome weekend. I don't know what happened."

"You may never find out," said Georgie.

"That's what I'm afraid of," I answered.

A few hours later, my friends had gone home, I had cleaned up the dishes, and put on my pajamas. Although my friends had not solved anything, it felt good to talk with them.

When they had left, I had noticed a man sitting in a car across the street. Weird. I wonder if Carlos was having me watched.

I put Rob to bed, and went to go turn on the television, when there was a pounding at my door.

"Lucy, open up." Jake was outside.

No. I wasn't going to talk to him.

A thud.

It sounded like his forehead was against the door.

I could ignore him and he would probably go away, eventually. But I had learned that it was better to just deal with people than to hide. I opened the door and Jake was standing there, still in his blue business suit that I seen him in 10 hours earlier.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"No."

He sighed. "We need to talk."

"No we don't. I don't need to talk with you. I don't want to see you."

"Lucy, give me a chance," he said. Dammit. It looked imploring, and gloriously handsome. But I wasn't going to fall for it again.

"No. You had your chance."

"I fucked up today." His blue eyes were wide, looking at me. But I was angry and I wasn't going to give him an inch.

"Yeah, you did. And you showed what you are really like. So no, go away."

"You're the only one who I've shown what I am really like. Me in the office? That's not me."

"Whatever, dude. I'm not going to find out. I'm not going to be with you right now because it could hurt my son, one. And I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who has to hide the fact that he's in a relationship from people he spends most of his time with every day, two. So no. And no. This is now bigger than me and you. I am not going to give my ex any ammunition."

I went to shut the door in his face, and he put his hand out, stopping it.

"Let me explain," he started, but no.

"Nothing you say could change anything at this point. So just go. I'll see you around."

The look on his face hurt my heart. But no. I couldn't do it.

"Go home, Jake."

"I don't have one," he said. "But I'll leave you alone."

And with that, he turned and left.