All the Waters of the Earth

Chapter 15: Show Me

"Jake," I breathed. My voice sounded whispery, even to me. I had just transported myself into my own romance novel and I could care less. I could talk to him again. I could hold him again. Maybe. If he'd let me. I looked down at the ground, unable to process what he had just told me.

The mass of thoughts and emotions swirling around inside me coalesced into a few discrete thoughts. He had been acting noble, staying away from me for my own good, for the good of my child. He had sacrificed for me and I didn't even know it. And these thoughts warmed me. I had believed that he had been an asshole, but there was a whole lot more going on, things that I had no idea about. He had taken care of my child so that I could properly prepare for the custody battle; this showed that he was not only on my side, but on Rob's side as well. My child adored him. Basically, Jake had won my custody battle by testifying. And all I wanted to do was get to know him better, get to know what was beyond the wall that he had put up, that kept him from letting anyone in.

He moved closer to me and gently put his hand under my chin, lifting it up to look at him, trailing his finger, caressing me.

"I don't know if the PI will be around watching us still," he said in a low voice. "I don't want to hurt anything you have with Rob. But I can't leave you alone. I can't—"

"You are good for Rob," I blurted, the words coming out in a rush, my body leaning in. It was my turn to get closer to him. "You pay attention to him, real attention. And you're a steady, honest, loyal man with a great career. This 'what will the judge think stuff' is bullshit.   Carlos looked like a snake oil salesman up there. I mean, I'm scared, but I think that the truth will win out. Don't you?"

"There is nothing certain in a courtroom," replied Jake, taking on a lawyerly tone that matched his business suit. He took a step back from me, dropping his hand and turning away. "This proceeding that Carlos brought is a big deal. You can't lose. Rob needs you. He—," he continued, but I interrupted him.

"I think Rob is going to be just fine. I can't believe that a judge would take him away from me. I mean, I raised him singlehandedly his whole life." Then I remembered something and got mad and hissed, "And I can't believe that Carlos works on weekends when he is supposed to be taking care of Rob."

"I know," he said regretfully. "I would have told you once I found out but I didn't get a chance."

I shook my head in anger. That was a topic to bring up with Amelia. But he and I had more to discuss. Like how hot and cold he was with me. "I want to talk to you. What happened that day in your office?"

"I fucked up," he said immediately.

"Yes. You did. But why? What was going on with you?"

"The short answer is that there is a big difference between what my office sees and what you see."

"But why?"

He paused.

I kept going. I needed to know this. I needed to press it. "You have to explain things to me. I can't read your mind. I can't be with you if you are going to be always doing things without explanations. I can't handle it. It's on-Jake and off-Jake. You don't have to be always on, but I want to know what's going inside your head-" and this time he interrupted me.

"It has never been okay for me to be an artist. That is not a part of my life that I share with anyone," he said harshly. "My dad was an artist and he was the kind that was completely irresponsible. My childhood was very bad. I know how to dumpster dive. I learned how to panhandle. After my mother left us when my brother died, I did anything I could to get out of there. I worked as many jobs as I could to go to college and then to law school so I would never have to live that way again. The thing is, I've always drawn and I've always wanted to be an artist. But it's never been okay for me to do so. No one knows that I take classes or draw or anything. So when I saw you, I handled it badly."

"You did. You treated me like shit."

"And I'm sorry." Eyes on me, he radiated intensity, but sincerity. I still didn't know what he was talking about. But I couldn't handle not knowing any more.

"Show me," I whispered. "Show me your art. Show me what you're hiding."

He stared at me and I stared back, hoping that he would let me in. Even though he had his quirks, every indication to me was that there was something there, in him, beyond the wall he had built, that was worth getting to know.

"Okay," he finally said. Yes. He was letting me in. What was I going to find? "I'll tell you everything. I don't care anymore, I want you to trust me." His voice lowered even more. "You remind me of some dreams I had."

I took a deep breath. "I'll give you a second chance. I've wanted to for a while. But don't fuck it up."

"I can't promise that I won't fuck it up. That's the truth. But I can promise that I don't want to fuck it up and if I do, I will do anything to fix it."

Those were not the most soothing words. But they sounded like they were honest words. What was I going to do with my sad, noble, artist-lawyer neighbor?

Kiss him, of course.

I leaned up on my tiptoes, reaching behind his neck. He looked at me for a second, questioning, and then stepped forward, collapsing his soft, warm lips into mine, grasping me tightly in his suited arms, kissing me hard. I kissed him back equally forcefully, holding his head to mine, running my fingers through his thick, ebony hair. Oh, he smelled good. He felt good. He felt like home. I loved his lips, his tongue, the inside of his mouth, his neck, the way he held me. I delighted in the way it felt.

I had missed him. And all I was thinking about was how good this felt to be held by him.

But then I heard a familiar male voice call out, "Lucy?"

Jake and I broke apart.

"God you always were a slut. What's up with this?" Carlos was standing there, glaring at us.

I lost it.

"And you were always an asshole," I snarled back at him.

"At least I didn't perjure myself. You fucking liar," he spat, pointing at Jake. "You totally committed perjury."

"No, Carlos, he didn't. We had broken up."

"Whatever. I know what I just saw. It didn't look like you were broken up to me."

And with that, Carlos gave me a nasty smile and said, "See you here again soon." Then he walked away.

Fuck.