What The Body Wants

I Didn't Mean To Hurt Him

Well people I am going to have to start winding this book down, I'm still in limbo about who I want Nikki to be with in the end.  Any suggestions? Which one do you think is the best guy for her?

 Chapter 22 

I opened my mouth to speak but all I could do was stutter.

“K…Kevin first of all let me make this plain and clear, I did not go out looking for this; Toni asked me if I would go out with her and a friend.  I told her yeah, but never bothered to ask if it was male or female?

“Well he was male and we talked, danced and laughed that was the first time I smiled in a long time it was strictly platonic.  I tried to call you but all I kept getting was your voicemail, but I didn’t bother to leave a message.”  

  I stopped talking and put my head down in shame.  Kevin softly lifted my head so my eyes would meet his, but I couldn’t do it.  The tears I could feel welling up in my eyes and I didn’t want succumb to them.  I just needed to finish and if he hates me or decides not to marry me, then I guess I will be single again.  I took a few more minutes to compose myself before I continue with my confession.

“Please just let me get it all out before you say anything, I’m nervous and I need to get it out.”

Kevin grabbed my hand and shook his head signaling he was listening.

“As I was saying I didn’t go out with Toni looking for a man or anything else, I just wanted to get out and blow off some steam from work that day.  After Shaun that is his name and I finished dancing we sat down and just talked about ourselves and other trivial stuff.”

“I was ready to leave and Toni you know how she is when she gets into clubbing, there is no stopping her.  When I returned from finding Toni I guess he saw the look on my face so he offered to take me home.”

“I said ok, I went back to find Toni just to let her know I was leaving of course she was on the floor dancing so I told her and we hugged each other and I left.

Once we arrived at my house I told him thank you and I proceeding to open the door and he ran around the car to help me out.  I told him I was good, but he walked me to my door anyway.”

I stopped once again to gauge his reaction so far, but he didn’t give anything away, but I could tell he wasn’t very happy about what I was saying, but didn’t say anything.  I didn’t wait any longer I just continued on.

“That was the first night it started we didn’t have sex that night, we hung out laughed and talked that was it.  I didn’t see him again until about two weeks later and then we went to the movies and the arcade.” 

“He tried to show me how to play pool.  He reached behind me to show me how to hold the stick. I didn’t think much of it until I felt him getting hard behind me, so I moved and told him that was enough for the night.”

“He drove me back to my house and I asked him if he wanted to come in and have a drink and talk. He’s like he loves to read and although his are about murder most of time he still loves to read.  So we sat for a while and talked about favorite authors.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you Kevin, he kissed and pulled me into his lap, and it was a very passionate kiss. I pushed back trying to scoot out of his lap; he stopped me and well I guess I don’t have to tell you the rest that’s when the affair started and it’s been going on the last four months.”

“I guess I got caught up in him because he showed me attention, we laughed, went to the movies, arcades and just had fun.  I didn’t want this to happen and because you never took time to do those things anymore all you cared about was working.”

I didn’t say anything else, just sat there and stared at him; while he just put his head down in his hands and dragged them down his face.

I didn’t know what to do so I just sat there looking down at my nails.  I just wanted him to say something, I felt like he was somehow torturing me to make me feel even worse than I already felt.  All I could do was hold my breath and wait until he said something.

“Kevin?”  P…please will you say something, anything, I can’t sit here and you not say anything or look at me.”

I had to sit back on the couch I could feel the tears pooling under my eye lids. I wanted him to yell at me, curse at me, even walk out on me; he just sat there still with his head in his hands.  I thought I heard him sniffing and when I reached over to him he looked at me he had tears as big as raindrops falling from his eyes. 

Oh God, how could I have hurt this man so much, I’m such a bitch, and maybe I should break off the engagement give him back his ring and move out of his life.  Before I could open my mouth to say anything he put a finger to my lips quieting me.

“Nikki, I’m not going to yell or scream at you because it’s my fault you got comfortable with another man’s company.  You were right all I cared about was working getting my law firm started, leaving town two or three times a month and I never stopped to think about how you were dealing with me not being around.”

“Baby, I never meant to ignore you or not take your feelings into consideration, but why didn’t you ever say anything to me.  If you had said how you were feeling maybe we could have gone about things another way.”

I looked into his red watery eyes and I couldn’t say anything, I just wrapped my arms around him and told him how sorry I was that I never meant for it to happen.

We sat there for who knows how long, we both had leaned back to just hold each other and we must have drifted off to sleep.

Kevin woke before me and went into the room and I moved over to snuggle into Kevin but his spot was empty, I got up and walked to the room and I heard the shower going. 

I went into the kitchen of our condo to get a bottle of water and went back in the bedroom where Kevin had just walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his lower half showing his strong muscular chest and I couldn’t help but get a little wet looking at him.

Kevin walked over to the bed and sat down beside me.  He took my hand and raised it up to his lips and kissed each one of my fingers then held them to his face.  He kissed the open side of my palm before he turned it over and kissed the top side of my hand as he looked up and held my eyes to his. 

He slowly went up my arm once he reached my shoulder and stopped and swirled his tongue right on the spot right at the base of my neck and he sucked on it and I let out a soft moan then he stopped.  My eyes flew open and sat there with a scowl on his face and I looked at him and he stood up and went to the closet, picked out something to wear.

“Kevin, where are you going?

“I don’t know, all I know is I gotta get out and clear my head that was a lot of shit you unloaded on me.”

“How long are you going to be gone?”

“Nikki I don’t know, it might be 15 to 30 minutes or it could be an hour to two hours.  I don’t know; just know I will be back.”

“Baby what I am supposed to do while you are gone?”

“Oh I don’t know guess you can go find someone to show you attention, take you to the movies and go to bed with him; right now I don’t care what you do, I just can’t talk to you right now.”

I looked at him and the tears ran down my face, he stepped up to me gave me a kiss on my forehead and said we have a lot of work to do to fix our messes.  He turned around and walked out the door. 

 I just walked to the door laid my head against it and let the tears flow. What else could I do I just told my fiancée I have been cheating on him for the last four months.  I can’t say I feel bad about it; he did his own dirt so as far as I’m concerned we are even.