So On

Chapter 34 - I Can't

"Until when are you going to look ugly like that? I feel sorry for my eyes." Sam sighed as he sat beside me. It was free period, and I decided to get some fresh air outside, while resting under the shade of a big tree.

"If you're going to complain, then scram."

I wasn't in the mood to be called ugly. I already know I'm ugly - inside and out. Nobody needs to remind me.

He didn't move an inch. "It's okay. You're not that ugly for me to not want to sit next to you."

I made a mental eye-roll. I know he was just kidding around, but I was just the tiniest bit offended. It just added more to my insecurity. Asshole.

I punched his shoulder - not even lightly. "Sorry I'm never gonna be as pretty as Emma."

"What?" He asked, laughing a bit and while rubbing his arm. I didn't hold back on that punch. And then I realized what I just said. I bit my lip. Shit. Didn't mean to say that out loud. "You're jealous of Emma?"

Evade. Evade.

"No. I'm not." I replied defensively.

After staring at me with a wide smirk, I gave in. I technically gave it away already so there was no point in denying it. Plus, I could actually talk to somebody right now. "Okay fine I am. But who wouldn't! She's pretty, she's girly, she doesn't hit guys whenever she likes, she's hot, she's smart, she's funny - "

"Except for the part where you don't hit guys whenever you like, aren't you most of those things you just mentioned?" He interrupted. I gave him a look. I didn't like being interrupted. And I hated getting compliments or empty words of flattery or fake words of comfort.

He sighed heavily. "Again, you don't believe me." He stretched his legs before scooting a bit further from me so he could talk to me face to face. I still wanted to punch him for calling me ugly. "Maybe someone already told you this, but Mira, you're pretty. And not just pretty. You're really pretty. And you're hot, admit it. Why else would I have a crush on you before? Plus, you're smart - "

Smart? Has he heard my thoughts lately? Has he any idea how dysfunctional my brain is? And another thought:

First he tells me I'm ugly, then he tells me I'm pretty? Wow, is my face like, self-renewing it's features every minute?

I snorted at his attempt to comfort me but he continued. "C'mon! You're one of the smartest people I know. You're always in our Math's topnotchers."

I interrupted. "That's because solving stuff with figures is so much easier than memorizing names I can't pronounce much less spell."

He sent me a look. "I know you hate Biology, but putting that weakness aside, you have more A's than B's in all your subjects."

I rolled my eyes as I waved an airy hand. "Stop flattering me Sam. It's not helping. And how do you know all these?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Hello, I liked you before, remember?"

"Stalker." I made the ugliest, most disgusted face I could make before I scoffed. It was his turn to roll his eyes.

"And that, right there, is what made me unlike you. But I still like you of course, in a non-romantic way. You're cool."

I smiled at him. "I know."

"Okay then," he said. "Then let's get to the maint point here. Stop beating yourself up. Grow some balls and just talk to him."