After that day with Connor, the funerals followed. It was hard to actually comprehend that both Sam and Ricky had died and that I would never have a chance to see them smile and never have to chance to sing drunk karaoke with them again. I would never see Ricky doing his crazy impersonations ever again that made us all laugh when we were down. And I would never see Sam running around yelling the most ridiculous things you could think of. But most of all, I would never be able to have deep and meaningful conversations with both of them and would never receive the advice from them when I needed it. As I look back on it right now, I can feel the tears falling silently down my cheeks and as I move my hand to wipe them, I know that I really miss both of them and that my life wasn't and isn't the same without them. I suppose that's what lead to the whole situation with Connor because I was unstable and I needed a barrier and something to hold me down and be my rock when I was breaking and in a way, that was Connor. But sometimes that rock can be more unstable than it can seem. Remember all the jagged rocks that you use to cut your toes on when you were younger in rock pools at the beach? And remember how much it really hurt when you did? Connor for me in the weeks and months following the funeral became a jagged rock and just like how these rocks are a surprise, so was this for me. Maybe it was because I was blinded. Maybe it was because I needed him more than he needed me. Maybe it was something to do with fate and maybe fate decided to mess with my life and ruin it. I could go on and on about all the questions that have run through my mind both then and now but I suppose sometimes it can drive you insane and it can drive you to the point where reality seems like fantasy. I suppose with all the questions, you can't always get all the answers and I suppose that's the thing with life. It is confusing and it leaves you feeling uncertain. And I suppose with Connor, it did exactly that.
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Fate or not?- Konnor Fan Fic
Fanfiction"Cause we're two halves of the same new heart that beats to our own drum You're the shadow always by my side, One that sometimes knows me better than I know myself And I wish that you were here with me tonight" - Dove Cameron, Count me in
