Letters To You

Hurtful Words

10/17/15

Last night I had really bad cramps, they kept me up all night and nothing would help them go away. I haven't had them this bad in awhile, and you weren't there to soothe it like normal , or rub my back to help them.

There's a lot of things now, that make me think of you. And it's not just everywhere in my house, it's around my neighborhood. It's the stars at night, it's how I want to tell you something that's happened and I can't . I make note of it, but there's no point, I know I'll never tell you.

I think the most hurtful thing you said to me, outside of calling me a whore. Was that when my dog died and I called you at 5 in the morning, hysterically crying. Was that you didn't come over to be there for me. You were there for my dog. And I know that's an odd thing to get hurt by, but it really did do something inside of me. Maybe it was the way you said it, or cold look you had on your face, or maybe I've come to realize that you were never there for me completely. Not like I wanted you, not like I needed you.

I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from this soon, or that you'll tell me that person who screwed me under was someone else.

But I know that won't happen, I need to except what was done to me and except who you've become or maybe who you've always been. I need to move on, because it seems that you had no problem doing so.