Letters To You

The Drug In Me Is You

The picture above is right when he started messaging those girls. He told me it was 2 weeks before I graduated and this is around them.

11/8/15 11:47pm

You really have ahold on me. Your the vise that grips my heart and threatens to squeeze it till all the blood leaks out. As everything that I once was, everything that made me smile, laugh, care free, bleeds down your hand as I become none of what I was.

My eyes are dim, I've even noticed they're lack of color, and the bags under my eyes do nothing but compliment my hollow heavy chest.

It's like your my fix, the needle in my arm that sets fire to my veins. Calming my nerves and easing my body in its new awaken high.

But since we're no longer, these withdraws are hard, sending me into hallucinations as I relive in flashbacks of ever touch, every smile, every kiss you've given me. It mocks me in waves, hits me in the most random moments. I cut you cold turkey, which makes this withdraw so hard. It's like my dealer has stopped feeding what my body fears it can't live without.

How many days, weeks, or even months till my body finally detoxes you completely? When can I look in the mirror and not be reminded of the itching feeling I need, to have you coursing through my veins again?

It's like I'll take you in anyway I can get you, snorting, smoking, and of course injecting. Anyway to feel the high, only your touch and presence could provide.

I know they say it gets worse before it gets better, so I'm praying and hoping that I find some strength in who I was before, in hopes I don't give in one more time.

Because if I do, he'll be sure to kill me for good. Because the drug in me is you ...