Grey

3.

Cheap romances and sappy endings. That's how you always describe your kind of writing or as you say, your "forte" in writing, although you always dreamed to have your book published. I was so excited everytime you let me hear a part of your book, I would sit in front of you as you read from your laptop and I would listen intently. But you told me that you were afraid, scared that people wouldn't love your work and I told you "Who cares?" And you just flashed that bright smile and continued working.

It was hard not to hear your constant typing everytime I walk in in our apartment and as you mumble those words you type. You can't even hear the door opening and closing because you were so focused on your work, nothing could distract you.

"I heard your footsteps following close behind-" You mumble, not taking your eyes off the laptop, still.

"And then- boo!" I said coming from behind you.

"Damn it!" You said clutching the cloth on your chest.

"Grey, you scared me." You said standing up from the couch.

"You? Scared of me? Really?" I asked teasingly.

"Yes." You said wrapping your arms around my waist, resting your forehead in mine in the process.

I sighed. "I missed you though. You spent half of your life writing, not that I'm against it but I just miss you."

"I'll make it up to you, I promise." Came your reply.

"How?" I said facing you.

"First copy would be yours." You said feeling proud of yourself. How could you not? It was your dream to have your book published, you kept telling me about it like all the time. I was shocked, beyond belief that you were going to have your first ever published book, you were waiting for this for a lifetime and I cannot help but feel what you were feeling.

My hand flew to my mouth in shock and you stood there smiling at me.

Yes, it was true. It was finally coming true.

I hugged you tightly, it was a reflective action after you told me your were getting your book published. I was so happy that day. We were both so happy.

I looked up at you as you stared at my eyes with those gold and violet orbs. It was so easy to just tilt my head, stood in my tiptoes, and kiss you from that point.

But you caught me off guard and kissed me instead.

***

I opened my eyes, squinting at the bright light of the sunlight seeping in our white curtains, I still call everything ours because for the fact that it was hard for me to let you out of my system and it was always like this, me remembering everything most especially you when I open my eyes, me losing you, you disappearing. It was always the same thing, again and again in my mind.

I hopped off the bed and scrambled towards our kitchen, the coldness of the apartment was settling in me as I realize how empty it feels without you and that small voice in my head telling me how stupid I am and how stupid you really are as well and it seems like we were stuck at the same place.

But maybe your forgot. About me.

And there was this small hope in the back of my head wishing that you didn't.

But did you even loved me?

Love. It seemed like a funny word to toss around in a conversation after everything that has happened between us. Something that didn't make that much sense in my life. In our lives anymore.

But you wouldn't leave if love mattered to you. You wouldn't leave if I mattered.