Grey

5.

You began smoking since they've rejected your second book and you know perfectly well that I was against it but still, you continued. I found you on the rooftop one day with a cigarette stick on your right hand and a packet of them in front of you. The wind blew hard as you lifted your head and blew a puff of smoke in the air. The night was young and the stars clearly stayed up ahead. The city lights reflecting on your purple and gold eyes.

I approached you as I drew a breath from the smell of the cigarette you were holding at the moment. You shooked your head once and chuckled.

"Funny isn't it?" You said sarcastically.

You were having a bad day and I knew that, the time you walked in our door with that frown on your face and those angry eyes gave you away, you threw your bag on the couch before closing the door with a slam and went directly to the rooftop for another cigarette.

"People can't see your effort, they just don't appreciate it." You said blowing another puff of air away from me.

"I do." I said quietly. "Even though I haven't read a single word from both of your books, I do appreciate it. So much."

You were so upset albeit told me you weren't, but that pained look on your face was one thing that just shows what you were feeling and I just didn't know what to do to make you feel better even in the slightest of ways. I wanted to tell you that you were a great writer, I was your number one fan and those kind but I know that I'll just receive a chuckle from you.

But right then I realized, I jumped to conclusions when I told myself I wouldn't.

"You're a great writer Nick, and that's what matters." I confidently said.

You snorted then shook your head, that angry look still evident in your eyes. "Yeah right."

I felt a bit pissed at what you said, I was trying to comfort you but then you still continue to push me away and I just didn't know what to do with that kind of behavior of yours, but I calmed down and sighed. You were having a bad day, yes so I'd just let it be for once, I would let you be.

"At least there's still someone who cares." I whispered before turning around and hugging myself, heading for the exit.

You whipped around and ran towards me, grabbing my wrist and spun me around so I was facing you. A tear fell from my cheek as you realized you've hurt the only person who tried to understand you, who understood you.

We were both silent for a moment before you said "Grey, I- I'm sorry."

I turned around and nodded before walking out.

***

I took out the box from the closet that holds your stuff, the new apartment was boring me  and the airconditioning unit was too cold for my liking, I wasn't doing anything for the holidays and this was the first time in a year that I've decided to look through your stuff. Things that you've left in our old apartment. Things that I could remember you of.

I sat down on the wood-panelled floor and slowly opened the box. The first thing that I saw was the black picture frame that held our photograph that you took when we were at the couch, I took that out and placed it beside me.

I picked a random item out of the box and found your favorite black necktie that you would always wear in special occasions. I placed it beside the frame and took another one out, which was a dark blue sweater I bought for you on your birthday, the faint smell of your perfume was still on the sweater, it smells like cologne and mint cigarettes.

I also found the small brown teddy bear you won for me at the fair and the pack of cigarettes you use, it still has a couple of sticks left inside and wondered why you didn't took it with you.

The box also held the book you gave me, your book that you dedicated for me, the first copy. The one I threw across the living room when I found out that you wrote about me, you wrote my life in there.

I opened the hard bound book and ran my fingers across the black italic letters written on the second page.

For Grey, the love of my life, my infinity and beyond.

"I'm sorry Nick." I whispered in the empty room knowing that no matter what I do, it wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't take anything back but neither could you take back what you did either.