Grey

4.

Life could be a mess, yes but then you told me we have different definitions of living and the words you said next was heart melting, you got me believing, thinking that it was true, you told me it was and the stupid girl I am - believed.

How easy I am to fall with anything you tell me, that's because I trust you. I trusted you Nicholas, and I'm having second thoughts if I should still but then you gave me a reason to not and just stop trusting because that's what you wanted and I'm still here thinking why.

The train continued to soar through the endless greens as we both looked outside to watch the scenery. You leaned against the window as I rested on your shoulder with your hand playing with my hair.

"Nicholas." I said getting your attention. You looked at me blankly like you had something in mind just before I called you but then you snapped out of it and returned back to reality.

"You know what's funny?" I asked.

You shrugged then seemed to ponder about my question for a minute before saying "No, what?"

"We never argued or faught about anything, like nothing." I said beaming.

You removed a piece of my hair off my face and tucked it in my ear before leaning slowly and kissing my nose. "That's because I don't want to see you frowning, no never. I can't let that happen."

I looked at you. You looked at me, and it was like the world stopped for a minute.

"I won't let you down, I promise." You added.

And with that I leaned forward and kissed you lightly on the lips before intertwining our hands together.

We will never know when we were going to fall apart but I know that we'll not because I held on to what you said. I held on to it like my life depended on it but then you lose your grip and I fell, came tumbling down.

***

I walked out of my apartment, not bothering to change from my tank top and sweatpants and hopped on the elevator, pressing the button in my desired level. I looked at myself in the mirror seeing my face was very pale and bags were starting to form under my eyes.

Ever since you left me, my life changed and I think I wouldn't be able to recover after what you've done to me but then I thought that nothing's permanent and that I could still step up but there was this small voice in my head saying or maybe not.

I was stuck. My life stopped and I haven't seen the reason to continue, there was still the nagging question in my mind asking why did you do it?

But then I wouldn't be getting the answer because you're gone, you were long gone. Three years and a half passed and I haven't caught a glimpse of your face or even your shadow. No communication, no nothing.

You gave me something I wouldn't easily forget and that was really stupid for you to do if you were just going to leave me. Real stupid, I tell you.

Three years of living with you was just a waste. Big waste.

I shook the thoughts off my head and walked over to this one place I still continue to visit everyday. Sierra's Coffee house. Something I couldn't abandon and leave because it was a big part of my life. And it reminds me of you. Again.

I ordered a cup of capuccino and found a decent seat at the back. I found a pretty good reason to hate espressos now and I started going with capuccinos instead.

I looked outside the coffee shop seeing the snow quietly falling on the pavement, covering the ground. It was pretty chilly but I didn't cared. Resting my chin on the palm of my hand while I stare at the falling snow from the sky. How sad life is. Really unfair.

Flashbacks started to play on my mind, there are a lot of things that reminded me of you, after all we live together for three years, we were together for three years and it was still hard to just not remember you in even the simplest of things.

But I knew you had a reason for doing it. You had a reason for leaving me. A reason to push me away.

A reason to let me down. But then you said you wouldn't and that was one big lie you ever said and I hated you for it. No, I can't hate you, I hate what you did instead.

What was that reason? I don't know. I plainly don't know.

But as everybody says that every broken heart knows.