Straight Best Friends (Gay Love Story -- In Progress)

09: Lips As Soft As His Heart

For the next three weeks, I started recovering more and more. Matt and I continues to talk things through, questioning where we were headed/what was the right thing to do. All we would do is hold hands a few times a day and give each other hugs, but otherwise we were trying to not push our limits before we knew what we both wanted.

These three weeks were so relaxing for me. I got to take it slow with Matt and my sickness was going away. I was able to get a lot of work done and start attending class again, and my professors have been amazing with helping out with the issue. I will still get my graduate degree on time, but one thing Matt and I are both discussing is what happens after graduation. He still wants to go to the city assuming I am 100% healed, and I still want to stick around and work at the company I interned with a few summers ago. Overall though, we have made a priority to make sure we respect one another and aren't letting the frustrations of "should we date or not" get to us.

One day, I got to do something I haven't been able to do in forever: exercise.

"Wanna go on a run, Matt?" I asked him one afternoon as we sat on the couch studying for exams.

He looked at me puzzled and excited, "Yeah?! Let's do it! Jack I am so happy you're feeling better. This is so exciting. I wasn't sure what was wrong with you but it seems like stressing less has really helped you. I'll go change into running clothes!"

He bolted upstairs.

Thirty minutes later, we were running and I was out of breath. The sun was setting and we were at a fancy-looking park.

"Matt I need a break." I managed to get out of my mouth.

We slowed down and walked for a bit.

"I'm so proud of you for being able to get out and run again, " Matt said and looked over at me with a sweet grin.

Then, he put his hand on my back and rubbed the top of my back as we walked. I didn't know how I felt about it. For one, we were out in public and I didn't know how I felt about public affection. To add to that, we weren't a couple... yet. We were also two guys who had never had feelings toward another man before, so it was all just new and awkward for me. For 15 seconds I analyzed it too much and was skeptical, but Matt noticed this and reminded me of something important.

"Jack, " I looked at him, breaking out of my thoughts, "Don't think about the logistics of us so much. I'm not trying to persuade you to be my boyfriend. I'm just touching you because I want to show I care and to remind you of that. How does it make you feel? Forgetting about the uncertainty of what we are."

"Safe," I replied, with a small smile. I didn't look him in the eye, "It feels good. Cute."

"Want to sit down?" Matt asked.

We sat down on a bench that was facing a large pond. It was late March so the Easter decorations were up. As the sun kept setting, the light display of the park shimmered. Matt put his arm around me.

"Pretty romantic, huh?" He asked.

"Is this why you wanted to run in this direction? You totally manipulated this, didn't you?" I joked with him.

He smiled at me, he looked mesmerized as he looked into my eyes. "I wouldn't call it that. I merely wanted to take you somewhere romantic to celebrate you recovering so much. I hope that isn't terrible of me."

He moved his hand from on my opposite shoulder to my cheek. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb and looked into my eyes. I looked back at his, we both had tired smiles and I could tell what we were both thinking.

Matt let out a long sigh and closed his eyes as he smiled. "This is hard," he laughed a little. "Never thought I would get to look at you like this."

He scooted closer to me and put his head on my shoulder.

We sat there for five minutes, I rubbed his shoulder. I could hear his breath getting heavy and my heart was starting to speed up a lot. He picked up on that, and raised his head to where we were both looking at each other, our faces a good 4 inches away from one another. The lights in the pond were in full effect. It was getting chilly but all we could focus on was each other. For a brief second I thought about the negative impacts that could come from what I was about to do. What will this change between us? What impact will this have on our families? Does this mean we have to end up dating even though I haven't made up my mind?

Then, I focused back on reality. I looked deep into Matt's eyes, and he was focused on me. He was vulnerable, his arm back around me, he looked at me like he had never done before. He was so relaxed, so calm, so at peace. Then, he started to move his face. Slowly, his was coming closer and closer. I had an out-of-body experience because my face started moving closer to his as well, even though my brain was thinking of the risks, my body and heart was telling my brain to shove it. Matt put his hand on my cheek again, and I put mine on his. Then, the air between our faces disappeared. I saw his eyes close as mine did as well, and I felt his lips touch mine. We held our lips together for a good ten seconds or so, and my body felt like fire. His lips were as soft as his heart, and I felt safe, warm, hot even. My entire body lit up. Our lips separated for a quick breath, just for them to connect again. A few kisses later, we backed up a little and looked into each other's eyes.

"I love you Jack" Matt said with pure sincerity. "You're my best friend, and I really hope I get to be even more for you."

I smiled, "I love you Matt. No idea what is happening, but that was the only kiss I've ever done out of love and not just, I don't know, hormones."

We both laughed. "I know you respect me, Jack. That's not something I was worried about. You know I will only ever do things for you out of love and utmost care."

"Of course I know, " I said back to him.

We kissed again and smiled together, enjoying the Easter decorations. As the minutes got colder as the sky got darker, the lights got brighter and our connection grew deeper. Getting up to run back to our apartment was painful, but the entire run back all I could do was smile. I just kissed my best friend in the entire world, and I felt like this was the start of something beautiful.