The next Friday, Matt and I decided to head back home for a little vacation from school. I drove this time, and Matt took a nap on my shoulder just about the whole way home.
As I drove down our road, I had to get Matt's head off my shoulder so we didn't risk our parents or siblings seeing. It was nowhere near that time to be telling them.
"Wake up sleepyhead!" I said, Matt raising his head. He put his hand on my leg.
"Thanks for driving, babe," he said, tiredly.
Our family had a cookout in Matt's family's backyard. It was great getting to have the entire gang back together. We were all really sassy to each other. I sat next to Matt the whole time. It felt really strange, sitting there with this man I've always loved as a friend but in the past few months have realized I have fallen in love with. Whenever I looked at him my eyes would drift to his lips, his gently eyes, his shortly cut beard, his beautiful smile. It was so difficult to make sure not to make it obvious I am in love with this man that our families think I am just best friends with and nothing more.
After the cookout I hanged out with my family for a little bit in our house, then said Matt and I wanted to watch a movie and de-stress a little bit from a long week of work, which was true. I took two packs of beer over to Matt's place around 10:30PM. I was surprised to hear his whole family was already in bed.
"Let's just drink and watch the first movie on Netflix's horror section we see that has 1 star," Matt said.
"Sounds perfect babe," I said. He is the perfect man.
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Matt and I were downstairs alone, 7 beers in, 1AM, with a really boring late-night show on. We were sitting right next to each other, hands on each other's legs, pretty tipsy and both wanting to do things we weren't about to talk about wanting to do.
It was strange, sitting here tipsy, the only thing I could think about was wanting all of Matt, to be connected with his body and either feel him inside me or me inside him. I wanted to lay in bed with him forever and kiss every part of his body and tell him how sweet he is a thousand times.
"Uh," Matt eventually said after about 10 minutes of us silently breathing kind of heavy. He put his arm around me and put his head on my shoulder and kissed my neck a few times. It felt incredible and my breathing got heavier. He caught on, and starting licking my neck. It was overwhelming, but felt incredible with his short-cut facial hair rubbing against my neck.
He took control and laid me on my back and got on top of me, going to town on my neck, Eventually he shifted up to my face and we passionately made out, tongue and all, for about twenty minutes. We were pressing against each other and moaning with each kiss. I wanted him to keep taking control and to make love to me. All I could think of was wanting him inside me, making me feel like I was the most important person in his life. I wanted to make him feel good and to have passionate sex with this man that's been my best friend my whole life.
My hand went from his head, down to his shoulders, then to his back. I was about to move my hand from Matt's back to his butt. Was that too much? Would he react badly? I decided to just got for it. Here it goes, Jack. You can still be a respectful guy and be respectful to Matt while touching him down there.
"What the fuck?"
Matt jumped up and I looked in horror as a wide-eyed, shocked Mark (Matt's 22 year-old brother) looked at us as if we had just stolen all joy from his life.
"What the hell are you two doing?" Mark said, eyes still wide.
"Mark, I --, we--, Jack--, we--" Matt was shutting down and was also clearly tipsy.
I just looked at Mark with sympathetic eyes. I didn't know what to do. I was tipsy too, I was embarrassed, and I was terrified of our families finding out. Not our best idea, Matt.
"Are you two fucking?" Mark asked loudly.
"No!" Matt said, "No we haven't done that. Mark please don't freak out. I really want to explain this to you and I really wanted you to find out in a more graceful way and I am tipsy and just want to have an adult conversation about this. Please don't think less of me."
I just put my head in my hands. Matt's drunk. And our families are about to explode on us because there's no way Mark is keeping this a secret.
"So what is this?" Mark asked.
"Mark we love each other, and we would appreciate you not telling the families until we are ready. I'm sorry that you walked in on this but we are drunk and weren't being careful enough and I also wanted this to not happen this way," I said to Mark.
Mark just looked at us disappointedly. This was just weird. Our whole lives we've been the oldest brothers that all of our siblings looked up to. I felt like we failed Mark. He looked like he wanted to cry.
He went upstairs without saying anything else.
Matt sat upright on the couch, blankly staring at the wall. I feel like I failed him by letting this happen. I sat criss-cross on the couch toward him and rubbed his back. I kissed him on the cheek and laid my forehead on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry honey," I said.
"Honey it's not your fault, just wish we had been more careful," Matt said, kissing my head. "I'm really drunk and really scared of what tomorrow is going to be like."
I sat up and looked at the ceiling. "Fuck," I said, "This just changed everything didn't it?"
Matt looked over at me and kissed my cheek. "Sadly I think it has, honey." His breath smelled so bad of beer. What were we thinking? Getting accidentally drunk and doing some serious making out on Matt's couch when we both have giant families within feet of us? I am such an idiot.
"I wanna sleep beside you tonight if tomorrow's going to be as stressful as Mark could make it," I said, "but let's not make it obvious. I'll sleep with my head on this side of the couch and yours can be on the opposite side."
Matt drunkenly agreed. That night I slept with my face looking at Matt's feet. Will there ever be a day where we can be open with our families? Is that coming tomorrow? I just don't know if we are where we would need to be in order to get the approval of our families. This relationship is so new to us. It just doesn't feel like anything our parents would be okay with. I mean he might as well be my brother, we've grown up with our families constantly together our whole lives.
Matt rubbed my thigh for a little bit, and I eventually drifted to sleep after about fifteen minutes of stress thinking. Luckily I was wasted, so the alcohol shut my brain off. I don't know what tonight was, but my gut is telling me Matt and I are in for a major obstacle tomorrow.
YOU ARE READING
Straight Best Friends (Gay Love Story -- In Progress)
Romance"I laid in the passenger seat with my eyes still closed so Matt thought I was still taking a nap. I was in a fury of emotions and thoughts. I had never seen Matt as anything other than a friend. I had never even thought of another man as anything ot...
