Ghost (Ziall)

~Chapter 13~

Chapter 13~Missing you

~Zayn's POV~

Three months have passed since he faded. Three long months without Niall. My Niall.

I can't describe how much I miss him, but how would you feel if you lost the only one who cared about you and loved you.

Of course there's Liam, but he spends most of his time with Harry. He didn't even notice that Niall's gone and that I'm a mess. All he sees is Harry. He still says 'hello' to me when he sees me in the corridors in school, but that's all. He doesn't talk as much to me as he used to. I can feel our friendship fading.

Fading...

Just like Niall.

Everything I see, think or hear reminds my of the blond ghost. I can't stop thinking about him. I cry myself to sleep every night in his bed. I sleep in his house, hoping to see him one more time. Feel his touch once more. Feel the sparks his kiss give to me again.

Two months ago I went to the cemetery. I remember that Niall told me he is buried here in Bradford. It didn't take me long to find his grave. It was on the far left side of the cemetery close to the woods. The gravestone was just simple gray-blue colored with the words:

Niall Horan

Beloved son and brother

1969 - 1987

The first time I went to his grave, I just sat there and cried for three houres until the sun went under and it was time to go home. I left a single white rose on his gravestone.

Ever since then, I've been to Niall's grave every day, taking a white rose with me. I talked with him like he's still here with me. I cry for him to come back, but of course it doesn't matter how hard I beg, he won't come back. 

I hope that Niall's story about the never ending darkness isn't true. He doesn't deserve to be there alone. He didn't deserve to fade. Actually, he didn't deserve to die at all. 
Maybe it's selfish, but I'm glad he died. If his father didn't murder him that day, I wouldn't have met him.
Thanks to him, Harry stopped bullying me.
Thanks to him I found a reason to live, but now he's gone, I don't see a reason for living anymore.

Niall is gone, he won't mind. I know what he asked from me when he faded. To not kill myself, but I didn't promise him I wouldn't. 

Liam is to busy with Harry to even notice I'm gone. He didn't even see how depressed I became. I don't think he will miss me.

Harry won't mind at all. He only stopped bullying me recently and he has Liam. Another person who wouldn't miss me.

Jason... No, I don't want to think about that prick anymore. He doesn't care about me either way, otherwise he wouldn't have cheated on me.

My parents... I think I will do them a favour If I kill myself.

That's all the people I know, and nobody would give a shit if I kill myself. Maybe Niall, but I want to be with him. 

I've made my decision. 

I didn't go to school today. I didn't have the strenght anymore to go to that horrible place. In stead I stayed home and wrote letters. My farewell letters.

One of them is adressed to my parents. I know they don't care about me, but I think they have the right to know I'm death. 

Dear parents,

I know you didn't hear from me for a long time and I know it didn't bother you, but, if you're still reading this, I think you have the right to know that I'm death by the time you are reading this.

I don't know if you are shocked now, or just relieved that you finally don't need to worry about me anymore, but actually, I don't care.

Anyway, this is just a goodbye. So, goodbye.

Greetings,
Zayn.

That's basically all I wrote. I'm satisfied with this. It's short and it has a clear message. So, I guess this one is okay to send. 

The second and last letter is for Liam. 

Dear Lili,

When you read this, I will be death. I know it might come as a shock and I wanted to let you know that it isn't your fault I killed myself. 

The reason I left is because I lost Niall. Three months ago he faded away and I couldn't stop it. You didn't see something was wrong with me and somehow I'm glad you didn't ask. You just would have seen what I was about to do and you would have stopped me. The only way I can be with Niall again is as I die, so that's exactly what I did. 

I want you to be happy, marry Harry, adopt some adorable kids and grow old together. You can permit yourself a life like that. Be sure that you're going to be together with the one you truly love. I can't.

I don't want you to be sad about me. Don't cry, I'm not worth it.

Last of all I wanted to thank you for being there for me. For being my friend and for standing up for me.

So... This is my final goodbye to you.

Tell Harry that I'll haunt him if he doesn't treat you right.

Goodbye Liam

Love,
Zayn.

Ps can you do me a favour and deliver the other letter to my parents?

I take the letters from the kitchen table and walk to the bathroom. Carefully I lay them on the sink where someone will find them. Then I take the pills, which I bought earlier today after I wrote the letters, out of the cupboard and look at them, thinking one more time about where I'm doing it for. 

I smile and open the pills, shaking a few out of the box on my hand. I also take a razor, which I found a while ago. I didn't use it for a while. Actually I didn't use it since I got together with Jason. 

The scars on my wrist are almost completely gone, except for the thin white lines. It's time to reopen them again.

I put three pills in my mouth and swallow them. Then three more and so on until the bottle is empty, then I take the knife and slice it over my wrist. Red blood starts flowing, but I know I have to cut deeper. 

Again I put the knife against my wrist, but add more pressure then the last time. Blood is now streaming over my arm and dropping on the floor.
The pills in my system make me feel weak together with the blood loss. I know it's not going to take long anymore. I will be with Niall soon.

I drop to the floor as my world starts spinning and then finally black spots start to appear in front of my eyes.

"I'm coming, Niall" I whisper before my world becomes black.

The only thing I see before I completely close my eyes is the faint figure with blond hair who's staring at me while I faint.

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This was it. And I have a surprise in the next chapter!!

Can you guess what it is?????

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xx Lisa xx