Fourteen

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A few days later, at school, I can't stop thinking of Pete. I keep asking myself the same question:

Do I like him? As in, like like?

And it's driving me insane all through the day. In Math I sit next to him and I treasure being so close to him. I also keep stealing glances at him. But why? That's what I keep asking myself. But then I realise there's only one explanation for that:

I do like him.

But...but that means I'm gay, doesn't it?

And that means, if Chad finds out, he'll tease me. He'll be a bully, just like the ones from my old school. And I'll go back to being the hopeless victim. I guess it's safer not to tell anyone.

But Pete...he makes me feel safe. Or, safer. And now I know that that's because I like him. How could I think I didn't like him all this time? All the signs were there.

Well, I was confused before, but now I know. I'm gay. And I have a crush on Pete Wentz.

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After school that day, Pete and I wait at the school gates for Andrew as per usual. But Andrew doesn't show up.

Ten minutes after school, I ask Pete, "Is there traffic?"

He doesn't look at me. "Maybe. But knowing Andrew he's probably..." His voice trails off.

"Probably what?" I ask nervously.

Pete shakes his head. "Nothing," he mumbles, still not looking at me.

It gets to fifteen minutes after school. We're alone here at the front of the school.

I peer over at Pete. He looks frustrated. Maybe a little too frustrated for talking. I open my mouth to say something, but decide against it.

Twenty minutes after school. Some of the teachers are starting to leave now. Where is Andrew? Isn't he going to call Pete?

A half hour after school. This is ridiculous.

"Do you wanna try calling him?" I ask Pete, who now looks extremely irritated.

Muttering something under his breath, he takes out his cell phone from his pocket and calls his brother.

"Andrew?" he says loudly. "Yeah, hi. You know we're still, like, waiting to be picked up from school. And you're meant to be the responsible adult who picks us up. Get your shit together, man! It's cold! We -" He stops speaking and listens to his brother over the phone. His face changes dramatically; he now looks like someone's just been killed right in front of him, and he turns a little pale.

He glances at me quickly, then takes a few steps away from me and speaks quietly into his phone as if he doesn't want me to hear. "How high are you, man? What's she done..."

Who is "she"? And what does he mean "high"? High related to drugs? I hope not.

"Oh shit." Pete rubs his forehead with a loud sigh. "Fine, we'll walk. You, get the hell out of there before something bad happens. I don't wanna have to piece up the pieces...or bail you out."

Sighing again, Pete closes his cell phone and buries his head in his hands.

"What's happened?" I frown in confusion. "What's wrong?"

Pete removes his hands from his face to reveal an utterly unimpressed look.

"A lot of things, Pat," he says with melancholy, finally looking at me. "Anyway, we have to walk home. Let's go before it gets too cold."

As we start walking, I feel a rush of worry.

Worry about Andrew. Is he getting himself into trouble?

Worry about Pete. Is he okay?

Worry about myself – is there something going on that I don't know about? If that's the case, who exactly am I living with? Is Andrew dangerous? Or maybe Pete's dangerous...he seems pretty angry at life...

But if he's dangerous, is it safe to like him so much?

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