Twenty One

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All through the day (and the next days) Hayley shoots me dirty or hurt looks whenever she sees me. My heart sinks whenever she does – I can tell I'm losing my best friend. Why is she angry at me anyway?

Pete talks to me less and spends more time locked away in his room. I never hear a word, and I'm starting to get worried. He's not depressed or anything, is he? I sure hope not.

And Andrew is hardly ever home; seeing him in the apartment is a rare occurrence. I'm starting to worry about him too, but maybe I don't need to. He's an adult, he's responsible (at least, he's supposed to be), he's fine. Probably.

A few days after Pete and Chad's argument in the playground, Hayley gives me no dirty looks. Instead, she surprises me by saying to me during registration: "We need to talk."

"O-okay," I say anxiously. Whenever someone says that a swarm of butterflies reside in my stomach.

"Meet me after school in the playground," she instructs. "Please."

"Okay," I say again.

And she stops talking to me.

After school, I text Pete to let him know that I need to do something and won't be long, and make my way to the playground. Hayley's sitting on a bench waiting for me, and I go to sit next to her.

"Hi Pat," she says sadly. "Thanks for meeting me."

I smile awkwardly, not sure what to say.

"So," Hayley says. "I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you recently. I just got so mad at Pete for being rude to Chad at the party..."

"He was drunk," I say on instinct.

"I know he was. And it doesn't excuse the fact that Chad called him a...well, you know what he called him. But I just took Chad's side straight away and it turned me against both Pete and you. I have no reason to be mad at you, so I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry for calling him your boyfriend; I know you like him..."

I open my mouth to respond, but Hayley lifts a hand to shush me. "Don't deny it, Pat. I know it when I see it."

I close my mouth.

"I know you like him, but he's not your boyfriend. Saying that was just rude. I'm sorry, Pat." She looks away solemnly. "You're my closest friend, you know. I may not have been hanging out with you recently, and I may not have known you for very long, but I feel like we just go together, you and me."

I'm filled with a warmth that I usually only feel around Pete.

"You're my best friend," I say sheepishly. "We do go together."

Hayley smiles at me and pats me on the back. "Let's not let relationships get in the way of our friendship, okay?"

What does she mean, relationship?

"Wait...relationship?" I say.

Hayley lets go of my back and blushes. "Yeah, Chad and I are..."

Her voice trails off.

"Oh my gosh!" I exclaim. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," Hayley smiles with a shy laugh. "I...I let him stay the night after the party, cause he was too drunk to drive home. We didn't do anything, we just slept. I tried to help cure his hangover the next morning, and we just talked about our feelings. He told me how he feels about me regardless of the alcohol, and I told him I feel the same. So, we're in a relationship now."

"That's great," I smile.

"Pat, can I ask you something?" Hayley asks, her smile fading.

"Sure," I say.

Pause. "Why do you like Pete?"

I look away. Why don't I like him?

After a moment of thinking to myself, I say: "Well there's the obvious things in a crush, like his hair and his smile and his face in general. He's very musical and talented; he plays bass and he has a whole book full of songs he's written himself. But he's not perfect: he's troubled, he's reckless, he's slightly idiotic at times; his room is a mess, his relationship with his brother is a mess, basically his life is a mess...but when I'm with him, I forget about all that. He's a mess, but he's a perfect mess.

"And then there's how he makes me feel. He's the first person who's ever made me feel cool. He makes me forget about my past. He makes me forget the pain of losing my brother. He makes me forget that I was bullied in my last school. He makes me forget all my insecurities; when I'm with him, I'm not a dork, or a nerd, or a weirdo, or a freak, or anything like that. I'm just Patrick, and he actually likes it. He's the first person to ever make me feel special. Even though I'm not special, far from it – I have imperfections too. We're both imperfect little messes, but I feel like we just improve each other."

I realise then that for that whole little monologue, I was looking up at the sky, in my own world. I bring myself back to reality and look at Hayley. She's beaming at me and her eyes are shining like she's about to cry.

"That is beautiful," she says softly. "I may not always approve of Pete or what he does, but if he makes you feel that special, then I'm grateful to him for brightening my best friend's life."

Hayley and I exchange a warming smile, and Ifinally feel content with our friendship; it had been wavering because of Chad and Pete, but now it's solid. And nothing will get in the way of us.    




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