Wishes In The Dark - A Peterick Fanfiction

Fifteen

We don't talk for the entire walk back. I don't want to make him more annoyed than he already is.

When we get to the apartment, Pete calls out, "Andrew? Are you here?"

No answer.

"Of course," mutters Pete.

I awkwardly look around because I don't really know what to do to cheer him up. Then he says, "I just need to go do something. I'll be back in a sec."

So I wait in the hallway while he goes to his room and firmly closes the door. He stays in there for about five minutes, not making a sound, and then emerges, looking happier and calmer than before.

"I'm back," he says chirpily.

I nod, slightly confused.

Pete sits on the couch and looks at me. "Why don't you come sit next to me, Pat?"

He's asking me if I want to sit with him?

"Uh, okay," I say casually, doing as I'm told.

Inside I'm screaming the million things I want to say to him, but of course I stay silent.

"So," Pete says slowly. "What did you think of joyriding?"

What should I say? The truth? Or should I make up a lie about how it was the most fun experience of my life? And should I mention how stupid I thought lying to that cop was?

"D-do you want my honest opinion?" I ask carefully.

Pete's face falls. "Sure," he says quietly.

"Well," I say, not wanting to upset him. "I didn't like it. It was scary and reckless and nerve-racking and I was panicking the whole time and I felt sick but I didn't want to say any of this at the time because I didn't want to upset you." I guess it's alright to just blurt it all out. "Overall it was too dangerous for me."

Pete looks down solemnly and says, "I'm a dangerous person, Pat."

I narrow my eyes. I have a feeling that's just his reputation that he wants to maintain.

"Are you?" I ask. "I...I think you just want to think you're dangerous, but really...you're not that dangerous."

Pete looks into my eyes, his eyes glowing. After a pause he says, "You're the first and only person to think that way about me."

"Well," I say. "I'm glad that someone's finally seen the light."

We spend a long moment just staring at each other. I can't make out his emotions, but I think he's content. Can he see how much I like him? I'm not sure. But that's okay. I don't want to give away too much.

-----

Over the next few days I start thinking more and more anxiously about the prospect of me being gay. I think I'm starting to fear it a little - I've never been gay before. Actually, I've never been straight before either. Looking back now I don't think I've ever really been attracted to anyone. I've always assumed I'm too weird and dorky to be attracted to anyone. But now I'm gay? I don't really know how to react.

So, walking into school one morning, I tell Pete that I'll be a bit late after school because I'm going to apply for eco club. He doesn't question it but he gives me a slightly inquisitive look. After school that day, when the last bell rings, I make my way to my form room instead of heading to the school entrance with Pete. I knock and Mr Iero opens the door to let me in.

"Hello Patrick," he says, smiling. "What can I do for you?"

Getting more nervous with each passing second, I start speaking.

"Sir," I say. "I don't mean to be intrusive or nosey, and I'm not judging, but...is it true that you're gay?"

Mr Iero looks away and gestures for me to sit down in a chair. I do as instructed and he pulls a chair over to sit opposite me.

After a pause, he says, "Yes."

So everyone in the school is right.

"Can I ask why you want to know?" Mr Iero says.

"Um..." I take deep breaths to calm my nerves. "Well, I...I think I might be gay too. But it's kinda scaring me, the thought of being gay. And I don't know what to do."

Mr Iero sighs. "You know, I was the same. Sixteen was the age I realised I was gay, and I hid it from everyone, including my parents. I hadn't found a special guy but I just knew I was attracted to males. I was slightly ashamed of it, though. It felt weird and out of place. It was like there was some alien sensation inside me that wasn't meant to be there. I felt uncomfortable. So I stayed 'in the closet', as people say, for the rest of my education.

"Then I became a teacher at this great school. And I started to - well - develop feelings for...a certain teacher. He stills works here; you know him. But anyway, I wasn't sure whether he was also gay or not. And I was always too shy to ask him. But when the subject came up, he came out to me, and I came out to him, and now we're living in a house together and loving life. It was scary to be wondering if he liked me or not, but when I finally knew it was completely worth it. So, Patrick, the moral of this story is that it's not something to be ashamed of. Don't fight it and please don't think that it isn't right. It's perfectly fine."

"But how can it be that simple if I always feel like it's wrong?"

"It's not that simple. But you do what all of us can do in a situation - you accept, you let go, you move on."

I nod, feeling reassured. Then I think of something:

"Sir, if you don't mind me asking," I say slowly. "Who is the teacher?"

He opens his mouth to say something but is interrupted by Principal Way entering the classroom.

"You ready?" he asks Mr Iero, smiling. Then he sees me and stops smiling. "Oh, sorry Fra - Mr Iero. I'll come back in a few minutes."

"It's okay," Mr Iero says, standing up. "I think Patrick and I are finished."

So it's Principal Way...

That explains all the sneaky glances and smiles whenever he comes in during registration. And that explains the rumours about Mr Iero. I can imagine them being good together; they're both intelligent, sympathetic and funny when they want to be.

So what about Pete and I...?

Mr Iero and I exchange a smile as I stand up, and he starts to pack a shoulder bag.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Patrick," Mr Iero says on his way out. "Make sure you turn the lights out when you leave."

"Thank you, Sir," I reply, smiling.

The two men start to leave, but then Mr Iero spins round to face me again.

"Oh, and Patrick," he calls out. "Good luck with Mr Wentz."

I do a double take when I hear his name. "Wha-what do you mean?"

Mr Iero gives me a knowing look. "I've seen the way you look at him. I know that look. Good luck."

Leaving me in a slight state of shock, Mr Iero grins at me and the two teachers leave hand in hand.

Have I really made it that obvious? If a teacher, of all people, has noticed my feelings for Pete, what about other people? Oh no...Pete's going to find out and he's going to avoid me. What am I going to do?!

I stand there for a moment and soon find myself laughing. I'm such a worrier. Right now I just want to focus on the fact that I got reassurance from Mr Iero. I was debating whether or not to go to him for the whole day, but I'm glad I did - he was very helpful. And now I feel so much better. I'm gay, and I like Pete, and Mr Iero's on my side, and everything's okay.

I turn off the lights off and leave.