Then You Are Gone

f i v e

NOVEMBER 6, 2016
09: 14 PM

hey, Hannah

Oh God. Please not now. I'm not emotionally equipped to deal with assholes tonight.

i'm not here to be an asshole, don't worry. actually, i'm here to apologize for being an asshole to you. i was in a fragile state, sorry.

Apology accepted. Don't expect me to apologize for being a bitch, though. You deserved it.

i'm aware that i do.

Okay, I'm sleeping now. Have a good night.

can you stay for a little more? i need to talk to someone so bad.

And talk about what?

never mind. 

forget that i asked. 

You sure?

Okay.

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NOVEMBER 7, 2016
12: 32 AM

Hey, Paris. Are you still awake?

yeah. i can't sleep.

why are you still up? it's already late.

Nights aren't usually for sleeping.

and what are nights for, then?

I don't know. For me it's for mulling about things and for stargazing. What are nights for you, Paris?

time to think about all my mistakes 

and to think about alternate universes that i wish are true.

Alternate universe? I'm now thinking the Paris I know at school is different.

i told you. you can't judge a person from their first impression or from what you see.

Well then, maybe show me what I can't see.

you made it sound like you're asking for nudes or something.

Paris the football player is back. I'm highly disappointed.

i'm just kidding, come on. just rephrase what you said. it came out somewhat wrong.

What I mean is, tell me what you're thinking about. You said hours ago you want to talk about something?

permission to vent?

Access granted. Vent away.

okay. so you already know about anna, my ex-girlfriend. i'm sort of missing her right now. i'm thinking about an alternate universe where anna didn't just leave me the day we broke up. an alternate universe where she stayed on her seat and let me give her all the reasons she needs to hear to understand me.

Why did Anna leave, then?

she lost her patience on me and started assuming things like, 'oh you're being unfaithful! why can't you give me time? of course, that's because you're cheating!' 

not verbatim but yeah that's similar to things she yelled at me

she broke up with me without trying to hear my side.

What's your side?

i'm busy with football and family stuff. i didn't have enough time to spend with her. it's partially my fault, but she should have at least hear me out.

You should explain things to her, then. Approach her or something. Or call her.

i would, but i'm honestly tired of trying. she's deliberately avoiding me and she changed her number after we broke up. that's why i ended up with your number. her friend gave me this, telling me it's anna's.

Well, the thing is my name sounds much alike Anna's. Wait, do you know her address? I'm pretty sure you do. Why don't you try and drive to their house?

because she's a girl.

I'm sorry, but I'm lost. Can you please elaborate?

a girl. your emotions overwhelm your decision and action. there's a perfect certainty that she will pour hot water on me.

Good reasoning. I can't argue with that. I'm sorry. I wish I can help you to take her back.

actually, i don't want to take her back. okay, i sort of do, but the goal is to make her to understand me. that's all i want. i don't like that right now, she have this idea of paris inside her head that does not match the real paris. 

She probably loves you. Sometimes we shy away from boys so they will chase us.

not entirely true.

Trust me, I'm the girl here. If you do love her, go try your best.

i think i'm already doing the worst.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Does she go to our school? I can help you, you know.

Paris?

sorry, my father just checked my room and told me to sleep. thanks for taking your time talking to me. i appreciate that. good night.

Okay, Paris. Have a good night. 

 And always remember alcohol (or drugs) is not the answer to anything.