ScareFest

"Around 7:30"

BRIN'S POV

 I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had known that David, Aiden's dad, had received the death penalty, but I didn't think he would actually have the audacity to seriously ask his son- the one that called the cops and testified against him- and ask him to visit with him. It was sickening. I didn't think Aiden was even going to the execution.

"Are you going?" I asked carefully I knew he was upset. I could see it in his eyes. They were a blank, glossy stare. His usually bright blue, happy eyes had lost all color. They were now a smoky grey with a few hints and specs of the blue they used to be.

"I can't go alone, if I go at all. I can't do it. I would end up killing him myself. I need someone to go with me... would you go with me? You don't have to, I mean, I know this is a lot to ask and I wouldn't do it if I were in your position," he uttered quietly. I felt terrible and I ran to him.

"Oh, honey. C'mere, of course I'll go with you. I know how hard this is. Well, sort of... Anyway, while I'm there, I'll give him a piece of my mind," I whispered into his ear as I hugged him tightly. The embrace may have been for his comfort, but it made me feel whole, like I was where I was supposed to be. That moment of certainty made me realise that I needed to tell him about my nightmare. So I did.

He asked me when I had had the nightmare and I told him that I had it the night I woke up crying and wouldn't tell him why. He smirked and looked away. A sick and ironic smile toyed at his lips and he made a dark and airy laughing sound, obviously not surprised.

"That was the day I found out. I checked the mail around six and cried in the bathroom for about an hour and 20 minutes and then I cut around 7:30," he whispered icily.

I felt my mouth drop open and tears roll down my face, but it was like I wasn't there, not mentally. It was like I was watching, but not seeing. Everything was happening too fast, but at the same time, it was the slowest thing I had ever seen. Everything was loud and hurt my ears, but there was a deafening silence, slicing through my mind. I couldn't believe I hadn't known. He had been just one room away and I was sleeping, as if nothing was wrong. I was so oblivious, so painfully and densely oblivious, that I had let Aiden hurt himself and not even thought to ask or to check on him. I had let him mope around and not asked or done anything. I just let it happen. God, I hated myself so much.

"Did you cut before or after my nightmare?" I asked desperately. In my stupor I had stumbled back and away from Aiden about three yards. I hoped he could hear my weak voice from where he stood. I didn't want to be close to him, I didn't want to hurt him more than I already had.

"After. You had the nightmare around four. My alarm went off at 5:30 and I took a shower, got dressed and checked the mail. I was going to have breakfast made for you when you woke up, but then I got the letter," he told me. I knew it. The nightmare was a warning and I chose to ignore it. God, why did I always screw things up? I had a beautiful boy, inside and out, right in front of me and I couldn't even protect him.

"What time do we need to go?" I asked blankly. I wanted to end this. I wanted this conversation to be over. I wanted to know what I needed to know and be done. I wanted to go back and drop Aiden off and make an excuse to take Fauston and leave and be alone and cry. I knew it was selfish to take James away from everyone and use him for myself, but I didn't care. I knew it was wrong to use him like a tool, but again, I didn't care. I just wanted a release, an escape, and that's what Daddy was.

Aiden said we needed to be up at nine for the execution and visitation; visit at ten, execution at eleven. I told him he could stay over tonight and tomorrow, since tomorrow was Friday. He was staying tonight anyway, so he might as well stay tomorrow, too. Not that I minded, Aiden was great company, I just didn't want to screw up again.

I thought about going off alone, but thought better of it. If I went alone I would do something stupid. I couldn't put Aiden, Ethan, and James through that. If I went alone, I would act on irrational thoughts and I would be found in a ditch dead. The last time I had been alone and in this emotional state, I had almost killed myself.

I had 17 pills in my hand, all hydrocodone, and I was hoping I would overdose. I was crying and shaking. My dad had just told me it was my fault he never came around, that I wasn't good enough and I was too fat. Aiden found me just as I swallowed the pills. He shoved two fingers down my throat and made me puke them up. Then he rushed me to the hospital and they pumped my stomach. He saved my life, and I couldn't even tell when he was upset.

We picked up some food and drove back home.