Pussyboy

Daymares

The last week proved the opposite of my cynicism. He took care of Jackie. He cleaned. He washed dishes. He played with his son. One thing was missing, though.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I gestured for him to follow me to the kitchen. Currently , he was playing with Jackie in the living room. I, on the other hand, was just fixing up some books in the shelf and just trying to deliberate this man.

What was his goals? Did he even really lost his house to the banks? Why didn't he just come back to his family in Pennsylvania? He could've just as easily stayed in his sisters for a while in Maine. Hell, he could've just asked for a place from one of his bozo friends from Staten Island. Why us? Why me?

He looked at me like he knew what I was going to say. He might think the extreme event or possibility of the situation but I was going for the moderate version of delving through things.

"Have you been lookin' for jobs? This last week?"

I left the question in a uneasily and open-ended tone. I wanted him to take the hint. This wasn't a fucking shelter.

He looked at me like brainstorming in a matter of seconds the possible lies in his head that he could answer with in a matter of seconds.

"Yeah, I have. There's this place down 73rd. The guy, Hubert Pelosi, you know him right? Anyway, he offered me to be the employee of his."

"Employee, huh? What do you do, employee?"

"Stuff for him like anything he asks for. Uhm, yeah legal stuff."

"When do you start?"

"Next wednesday, morning. The pay's great, you know. Two thousand dollars weekly so yeah."

I looked at him wide-eyed. That's like 62 dollars an hour. That's insane. It's also too good to be even true.

"Two grand, huh?"

He noticed my skeptical demeanor. He pleaded for me to trust him, believe him. Anything this insane ain't legal. Not one bit legal. For all I know he could be a hired killer or a drug dealer and I couldn't just let that be in my son's life.

"Please just believe me. It's totally legal. Just trust me, Niall. You can now afford to just stay at home now. And you could - shit"

He saw my reaction to me staying at home. It was that he was implying that he was going to stay here. He thought we were going to be a family. We aren't gonna be a family. He is a parent of Jackie, nothing more.

"We aren't a family, Zayn. I am not a housewife. I could raise my son without you. I don't need your help. Just get a job, Zayn!"

With that, I walked back o my room. I closed the door behind me. No need for locking. Jackie knows when not to disturb.

All I could think was that I couldn't deal with him leaving again. With me just raising Jackie alone.

Flashbacks to when I was almost begging for scraps just for my son. The time I let a doctor fuck me in the closet of my son's ward just so I could pay for the hospital bills.

God, I just wanna move on from this man. This asshole I had a child with. This person who condemned me to this shit of a life. I hate it so much! This fucking manwhore. The person that I think could be the most compatible to me.

I hate my life!

Just hate it.