As Told By Tuck & Axel

Tuck and I Develop a New Habit

Chapter: Tuck and I develop a New Habit

Author: Axel Otto

I'm sure Tuck has said this already, but I'm going to say it again. Writing about law school would actually physically damage my insides. It was the toughest four years of my life, and being barely a year out of it, I'm not ready to start talking about it yet. Or ever, really.

So, we're going to fast forward to about six months ago. It was June. Tucker and I had just moved into a two-bedroom apartment in D.C., both of us with low-level legal jobs within a 15-minute walk from our apartment. Tuck had been hired as an in-house council lawyer for a developing Amazon-type company called Blue Horse. I got a job working as an intern under a congressman named Will Dunn. Neither Tuck nor I were hired by major law firms, which is what we had been hoping for. We had gone to at least 10 interviews each, and none of them came with positive results. So, we took what we could get. We made jack-shit and could barely afford to buy boxed wine and frozen Mac & cheese, but we were together, and that's all that mattered.

Towards August, Tucker was starting to get stressed. All of his annoying ass law-school pals (Tucker had made friends with all the suck-ups. In fact, he was one of them) had gotten jobs at large, well-paying firms across the country, and Tuck was getting very bitter and resentful about it. He took up smoking again.

I caught him sitting on the windowsill in his room with one arm dangling outside and the very pervasive smell of cigarette smoke hanging in the air around him. I freaked out.

He stumbled out of the windowsill and onto the ground as soon as he saw me. I stormed up to him, threw his cigarette out the window, and started screaming. I was yelling about how he was killing himself, about how he was weak and dealing with his problems like a pussy. I ransacked his entire room after that, emptying drawers and bags and pockets of jeans until I found three packs of cigarettes and two lighters. I left his room and emptied all of the cigarettes into a pot on the stove. I lit them all on fire and watched them burn before I tossed the pot in the sink. Tucker was looking at me like I had just kicked a baby.

"You're disgusting," I remembering spitting at him, never so angry with him in my entire life. "I have half a mind to call your mother."
I didn't, but I did something worse. Later that night, I jogged down to the convenience store where Tuck and I usually got our groceries. We still weren't speaking after I had burned all his cigarettes.

The man working at the counter had become very familiar with Tuck and I over the past three months. He thought the way that Tuck and I interacted with each other was amusing, and therefore he always loved when we came in. Today, I came in alone.

"Axel, where's the husband?" Ron greeted me. I attempted a smile.

"We're fighting. He started smoking again. Speaking of which, I need you to stop selling him cigarettes."
Ron laughed in my face. "Axel, as much as I like you two, I can't do that. This is my business, and I need all the sales revenue I can get."

I sighed. "At least do one thing for me. If he comes in here for a pack, which I know he will, I need you to tell him to call me first. He only smokes when he's stressed, and there are two things that give him release: me, and cigarettes."

Ron gave me a raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes. "Not sexual release. You know what I meant!"

Ron smiled. "Fine. I'll tell him to call you. But if after that phone call he still wants a pack of Marlboros, I'm selling 'em."

A few days later, I was still upset with Tucker. We still hadn't spoken since I caught him smoking, but I hadn't gotten a call from a pissed Tuck trying to buy cigarettes either.