Desire. Draco Malfoy.

Clouds

Draco.

My green tie hung loose on my neck, books were stacked up high around me.
I knew I should have done this paper earlier. Merlin knows I won't get it done tonight. But I try anyways.

Gosh, what teacher makes someone write a 10 page paper on slugs. It's just barbarian. I grab my robes and stand up, leaving my books and papers abandoned on my bed.

I walk out of my room and up out of the slytherin common room.

I need some air.

A bunch of people walk past me as I make my way outside and down a stone path.

My brain wants to explode. I feel so overwhelmed and just want to brake down and cry, but I wouldn't ever tell anyone that.

Too much is going on right now.

School is so much work, but at the same time no work at all. I know I can fail, I will have to leave this place eventually, but I don't want too. I want to hold Anastasia's hand and have a cup of tea with her while she reads. I want to stare at her while the teacher rambles in class and she's concentrating so hard. I want all of these things with her, but what if that's just my imagination. What if reality with her is different and she's not the girl I want her to be. Or what if she doesn't like me in the first place?

I think she likes me? But if I think that I'm vane and self centered. But I want her to like me back, I like her so much.

What would my father say if he knew I was thinking this.
I hate my father. I hate him so much.

I kick a rock and sink to the ground.
Im far from anyone to notice my break down.

I hate he who must not be named. Why did he have to screw everything up. Why did I have to listen to everything my father wants. Why did I stay there. Why can't I just be normal. I hate myself, I hate myself more then anything.

I pull pieces of grass out and throw them. Eventually there is no grass around me. So I pull on my hair.

My head hurts.

I wish I was smart. I wish I was good at something other than messing up. I wish I had this paper done. I wish my brain would just stop. I wish Everything would just stop. Just stop. The world just paused and I could breath.  I just wish for that.

But that won't happen. The world will cary on even if I want it too or not.

The small sent of mint and books reach my nose and I open my eyes and turn my head, a speck of blond went flying behind a tree.

Anastasia?

I stood up slowly and let a giant smirk cover my face. All of my worries disappear when she's near.
"Ahh I see how it is" I say walking closer to the tree she was behind

"The rolls have reversed"

"for once I'm not the one stalking"
I sit down on the other side of the tree.

"It feels nice if I do say so myself. You know- being the one stalked"

I smile and pull out the new grass around me

"Soo, Ana, how was your day" I sit and wait for a reply. I can hear her sit down and can only imagine what she looks like right now.

"It was alright" her voice was soft and weak, yet angelic.
"That's good. It's nice to finally hear your voice. You should talk more often, I feel like I've said that before, but it's true"

There wasn't a reply

"So why were you watching me, curios as to what I do when I'm not watching you?"

There was a long pause but she eventually just said

"Are you okay?"

The question hit me hard, breaking me out of the trance I get when I'm with her and bringing me back to this crushing reality.

"I will be-" a pause "I think" and I don't think, but I do hope.

I feel like I hear her nod.

"What are you thinking about" I ask her as I stare at the cloud and think about her eyes

"A-about you" her reply erupts a swarm of butterfly's in my stomach and an uncontrollable smile on my face. Maybe she does like me

"W-w-what are y-you thinking about?"

"About what it would be like to take you on a date" and kiss you. But I kept the kissing part to myself. Don't want to scare her off.

It's silent for a long time after that. But it's okay. It's not an awkward silence, just a silence. 

After a long time I can hear her stand up, muttering words to herself, ones I can't pick up on.

She comes to my side of the tree and sits down.

She sits criss cross apple sauce and stares at the places I ripped grass up.

I take in her pale face and red ears. Her hands are sat in her lap and it looks like she regrets getting up and moving.

I stop looking at her, hoping it will help her calm down and become comfortable with me. I don't want to push it with her so I stay silent. I stare at the clouds.

"It's a broom" I say pointing up. Her attention is drawn upwards and she looks at the clouds with me.

"Frog" she whispered as she point to the right of mine, her arm so close to my face.

And that's how it went. We sat there for hours, just looking at the clouds. Not really saying anything, but being okay with silence.