Desire. Draco Malfoy.

Regrets.

Draco

Do you ever feel like you are just floating in a sea of water? Not like a panic, not in a rush, but a calming floating sensation. The one where your arms are floating beside you and your face isn't in the water, but the rest of you is. You cant hear anything, not even your thoughts, its just calm and peaceful.
Thats how I feel when I'm with her.

Just calm.

And peaceful.

But when Im not with her its a panic, a rush. Its like I'm drowning and there is no hope of it stopping. My mind is racing with things that could go wrong, with things that have already gone wrong.

All I know is that she hasnt been to class in four days.

And I feel like shit.

Complete shit.

With her it's like my world is moving in complete slow motion, I can forget about all my problems and pretend that I could be happy and that things could change.

Without here reality hits me hard and I notice that I won't have her forever. She's not even mine. She barely knows me. I barely know her. My world is spinning so fast I just want it to slow down. I just want her.

I have so many regrets and I wish there was some way to take them back, to change the past so that my future isn't just as shitty.
I just hope I don't live my whole life like this.

That's totally stupid though. Of course I will and my family will never let me forget that. I am the son of a death eater.

What am I going to do? How am I going to deal with this?

I'm not going too.

I just have to stay an arrogant, spiteful bully. I need to forget about this silly girl and get on with my life.

Gosh this is so dumb.  She's just a girl.

I have no chance with her, things won't work out. She could have a happy life why would I ever want to bring her into this big of a mess. What's wrong with me? I just need to leave her alone so she can be happy. 

But can't I be happy?

No.
I can't

I just can't.

I need to shape up so I don't end up a failure in my family's eyes. I need to put this girl nonsense behind me and catch up on my studies.

That it.  It's over now. No more.  I don't care how she makes me feel.  This is for the best.