Love Scars

Ch. 7: Brianna

As soon as they left I grabbed my blade.

I'm not insane, am I?

I examined the little piece of metal that controls my life. Everything I do is around the little object in my hand.

No, I'm not insane. I'm just an idiot who can't tell right from wrong, dreams from reality... None of this is real.. None of this is happening. 

The metal was cold against my skin, relieving in a way. I considered how deep I should cut this time. Enough to scar? Enough to hurt?

Enough to kill? They'd be better off without me anyways. Maybe I should do it... One swift cut, painless really... No one will know until it's too late.

I pressed the blade into my skin. The deep crimson stood out from my pale colouring. I started to add a few more lines onto the collection of scars on my wrist. My thigh can't kill me, but my wrist can.

My phone started vibrating, but I ignored it. No one can save me now.

When I looked down at the blurry mess of blood and tears, I could see how much damage I had done. None of them bad enough to kill me... Not yet.

I'm capable of doing it right here, right now. No one will be able to save me, I'm already too broken to fix... One last cut, deeper than the rest... It will end all this pain.

My skinny arms were trembling from sobbing. I held the blade in my hand and just hugged my knees. I had changed into small shorts and a t-shirt, all of my scars were visible. The crimson had smeared across my thin legs and on my other arm. It wouldn't stop bleeding.

The sound of my phone buzzing wouldn't end, the texts came one after another.

Stop! They don't care about you! No one does, and no one ever will. Just let it vibrate, you won't hear it when you're dead.

Finally it stopped. I didn't hear a vibration for a few minutes, but I could see the screen.

All the texts were from Jared.

When I went to read them, my eyes blurred too much to be able to read properly, but I made out a few.

Brianna, please stop hurting yourself!

I know you're doing it again, stop please.

Bree!! Stop!

Stop it right now

I don't want to have to come and see you like this.

I can't breathe.

Brianna it's so deep...

I can't see straight and I'm light headed.

Why?

Why did you do this..?

I couldn't read any further, everything had gotten too blurred by tears.

He didn't answer his phone for awhile, but after a few calls he finally picked up.

"Jared?"

"Please stop cutting yourself."

I heard something fall, and then it was silent.