Love Scars

Ch. 13: Brianna

Daniel closed the door, and the room was silent.

"Jared.. Is there something you need to tell me?"

He didn't say a word. He knew this was coming, so why did he do it?

My irritated skin burned under the hospital gown, itching for the cheap fabric to stop rubbing against it. "Jared."

He was still silent, so I lifted up the gown to reveal my torn thighs. There were slashed going every way, and where each ended, a new one started. They were deep and red, and they were recent.

"Why did I get these last night? Jared I didn't do this."

"I feel like it's my fault," he said, almost in a whisper.

"What is?"

"Trying to kill yourself."

"So you cut yourself to make it better? That further hurts me Jared. You can't do this to yourself-"

"I'm so sorry..." I almost couldn't hear him. He quickly walked to the door and slammed it behind him. Daniel rushed in, looking panicked.

"Is everything okay?" He asked before he saw my thighs.

"I didn't do it Daniel. He did."

He suddenly understood and the fear left his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm worried about him, but that's all I guess. I haven't been hungry though, at all. It's scaring me," she looked over at the machine to her right. "I might have to get a feeding tube."

"It would be good for you."

"I would get fat, and quickly. I was so close Daniel, so damn close. I was almost perfect."

I stared in disbelief. "Almost perfect?"

"That's the saddest word, isn't it? Almost happy. Almost in love. Almost won. Almost made it. Almost lived..."

"Brianna stop it-"

"Life is full of so many 'almosts'. So many disappointments. I almost died. I almost succeeded. I almost didn't need to breathe anymore." My eyes were filled with tears and I didn't know why I kept going on. My heart rate was picking up and the monitor was beeping faster and faster.

"I almost made everyone happy! I almost ended up where I belong, in a grave. I can't take it anymore Daniel! Why didn't you let me die?! Why didn't you let me? No instead I got false hope and almost went through with it. You almost let me. I was almost happy!"

I kept screaming as the nurses rushed in to stop me. I wouldn't stop kicking them as I tried to run away. Daniel sat there, not knowing what to do. The nurses told him it would be okay, but I know he didn't believe it.

"You know the worst one Daniel? I almost forgave you."