Love Scars

Ch. 14: Jared

I'm so worried about her. What if she gets mad at me? What if she hates me?

Daniel said she was really upset with him, and with herself. The doctors had to go in and take care of her heart rate. 

My mind was probably racing for half an hour before a nurse came out. I stood up expecting a good response.

"She isn't doing well, her heart rate keeps getting far too low, then rushing back up. She needs a few days."

I just sighed. "I'm her boyfriend-"

"Now it's strict family only, I'm sorry. Maybe you could Skype her or something," The nurse shrugged and had a half smile before leaving to go to her lunch break. Skype, really? This is the 21st century. I knew that Skype wasn't that old, but still. My thighs burned from the slits... I hope she doesn't do it again. 

'When you hurt yourself, you hurt others,' this situation takes the quote to a whole new level. I put in my earbuds and turned on my Eminem playlist on Pandora. His work helped me distract myself from the real world. Somehow the constant flow of words makes it easier to drown out everything around me.

After a while, I must have fallen asleep. I wiped the drool from the corners of my mouth and looked at the clock. It read 10:56 pm. Mom is going to kill me I thought as I scrolled through all the missed calls. I scrambled out the door while holding the phone up to my ear and praying she wouldn't pick up. Her shrill yelling made me drop my keys.

"Jared where were you?" she demanded as soon as she answered the phone.

"I-I'm sorry Mom, I was at the hospital trying to see Brianna-"

She sighed in relief. "I thought you had gotten kidnapped or jumped or, or..."

"I'm okay, don't worry. I'll be home in about 20 minutes," She wasn't as mad as I thought she would be.

"See you then," she hung up. I started the car and made my way back home. The bright street lights were a perfect contrast to the black sky, accenting the white stars. The stars seem to shine brighter when I'm in a bad mood, or maybe I don't pay attention otherwise. The only stars I want to ever see are the galaxies trapped in Brianna's eyes, and the solar system of her personality. God, I missed her so much. Not seeing her made me more solemn, and somehow more poetic. Or maybe I just hang out with Daniel too much nowadays.

I pulled into the asphalt driveway and turned off the car. The living room lights were on and the TV was casting odd shadows on the draped windows. The kitchen lights flickered on and I smelled the familiar scent of spaghetti and garlic bread.

The door creaked quietly as I opened it, and slammed loudly while shutting. Mom didn't even flinch. "Hey darling, how's Brianna doing?" She dried her hands on a red towel and leaned against the counter.

I scratched the back of my neck and shrugged. "They said it was family only."

"Oh poo, so you were there for hours for no reason? Why wouldn't they let you in, you're close enough to family."

"I thought that maybe, by some miracle, I could see her. I accidentally fell asleep though."

"Well that explains you being so late. I cooked some spaghetti just for you, so make sure you eat and go right to bed."

I nodded and took my plate upstairs. There was no school tomorrow, so I could sleep in, even though I won't. I always get up at 6 sharp, no matter what my plans are that day. I wanted to get up at 4, but mom said it was 'unearthly to get up before the rooster', or something like that. She doesn't normally make sense with all her weird little sayings, but I roll with it anyway. She's a sweet lady, I just hope people don't use that against her.

Once I was in my room I opened my Mac Book and called Daniel over FaceTime. I doubt he was awake, but it was worth a shot. To my surprise, he answered, but I woke him up.

"Jared? Why are you calling me-"

"What happened when you saw Brianna? I want full detail and I need to know why they won't let me in. She won't even respond to my texts or calls."

"Jared it's-"

"Tell me Daniel, please." I didn't know what else to do at this point. 

He sighed. "When I texted her after I left, she told me that she didn't want you seeing her like this. She doesn't want to ignore you, but she doesn't really know what to do."

So she is just blowing me off? "Is she okay, at the least?"

"She's much better now. The nurse told her that you came to visit and tried to let you in, but Brianna insisted. I'm not even allowed to see her anymore because of what happened. She didn't mean to go off on me though, she's just tired and confused, and she will be for a while. You have to give her time to heal Jared."

"I just want to see her, I miss her so much."

"I know you do, I do too."