the roommate ➸ [horan au]

twenty two

T W E N T Y    T W O

- A b b y    J o n e s - 

I felt like I was drowning.

Literally.

I was drowning in my own tears.

I couldn't stop crying.

My mom had been trying to calm me down for the past two hours, and I was still fucking crying.

I really couldn't help it; coming back home kind of brought me back to reality. That moment when my mother flung the door open was the moment I knew it was all real.

Everything happened so fast, and I was simply overwhelmed.

In the span of 24 hours, I'd found out that Niall had a secret girlfriend--and for three freaking months, for God's sake--he never had intentions telling me about, but I'd also found out that he'd loved me. And what did he do about it? He got a girlfriend. I'd also somehow managed to get his girlfriend to stop being angry at him for not telling her he lived with another girl (who does that anyway?) by telling her I was lesbian. Which, I wasn't, by the way. Then, I'd managed to spill everything, and I told him I loved him, only to leave him right after.

What a day, I thought to myself as I willed myself to stop crying.

"Honey," My mom moved my hair out of my face as she pulled away from our embrace. We've been sitting on the living room couch for who knows how long, and she's been comforting me the entire time, begging me to tell her what happened between Niall and I. "Would you like some tea?"

I nodded wordlessly and sniffled.

She patted my head and left to make us some tea. In my household, tea meant that we'd have to sit down and talk. Or, that's what it used to mean when I was younger. I really wasn't sure if I was ready to tell her about everything that happened.

She absolutely adored Niall; she would've told me if she didn't approve of him. He was sweet and kind and caring, and he'd always gotten along with both of my parents. She'd treated him like a son, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to ruin that image of him for her yet.

My mom returned with our tea a few minutes later, and she placed the two mugs onto the coffee table, knowing that I'd wait a little for it to cool down before drinking it.

Then, she turned to me. "Sweetie," She pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, the way she used to when I was younger. "I know it's hard, but you have to tell me what happened."

I nodded, nuzzling into her hand. I missed my mom, I really did. I missed the comfort she offered over the years; I missed our tea time and I missed her loving nature. She really was the best mom, and I felt bad for neglecting her and not calling her enough after I moved out.

"I thought you were spending Christmas with Niall?" She frowned. My heart broke all over again at the mention of his name. "Something happened between the two of you, didn't it?" She continued, holding my hand comfortingly. "Abby, honey, speak to me."

I wiped my eyes and took a breath. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them before I started. "M-mom," I stuttered unintentionally. "I-I l-love him."

Her eyes widened slightly at my confession, as if she'd never expected it. "You do?" She responded. "I mean, I always knew you had a little crush on him, but I never thought it was this big." She confessed, caressing my hair, still trying to comfort me. "Did he not return your feelings?"

I shook my head. "No, he did."

"Oh?" She was visibly confused. "What happened then? Tell me everything." She begged, and I knew that I had to tell her.

She was my mom, after all.

I told her everything--from the point when I started crushing on Niall to the moment I realized I was in love with him. I told her about Harry, and how we'd been fake dating in order to get Niall jealous. She didn't say anything, but he facial expressions said it all. She was upset. She was confused. She felt heartbroken for me.

I'd finally finished telling her everything a few moments later, and she gathered me into her arms.

"Oh honey," She held me as I cried into her shoulder. "Heartache isn't easy. But, think about this for a second," She pulled away and wiped my tears. "He did tell you that he loves you, no?"

I nodded.

"He's just really confused about his feelings," She explained, trying to make me feel better. I did. "He loves you, and when he heard about you and Harry, he must've been crushed. He got out and did the same thing you did--he got a girlfriend 'cause you were with Harry."

I thought about it for a second, and I realized that she was right. Did Niall really feel jealous and self conscious about himself when Harry and I kissed that one night? Was he trying to cover it up? Was Holly just a rebound girl?

"You just have to walk a mile in his shoes," She whispered lightly. "And realize that you're both on the same page."

I nodded, trying to grasp this concept.

Niall went out and started sleeping with girls, started dating Holly because he felt hurt? It was all so confusing, and I couldn't stop my head from spinning. My thoughts were so jumbled up that I felt like I was about to throw up.

I decided to change the subject. "Can I stay here for a while?"

Mom smiled at me sadly. "Of course honey," She kissed my forehead. "Stay for as long as you like. Your dad should be home in an hour, we can all have dinner together."

"I missed you," I confessed. "Sorry for not calling you more."

"It's alright honey, I missed you too."

"I think I'm gonna go lie down for a while," I said , getting off the couch. "I just need time to think things over. It's all so confusing."

"Of course, honey," She replied. "Take all the time you need."

I made my way upstairs and into my old bedroom. I felt so out of place in there; like I had outgrown it. But, I missed it. I missed being young and naive, without a single care in the world.

I missed the old days--when Niall and I were kids and we didn't have a single worry in the world. We were just two best friends, and it was Niall and Abby against the world.

I missed him; I missed my best friend. I knew that this weird love that we had, it was sure to destroy our friendship permanently, and it physically made my heart hurt.

"Niall," I choked his name out almost silently as I fell into bed, and erupted in sobs once again.

That night, my last thought before sleep took me under was the fact that Niall and I will never be the same again.

And our friendship was over.

Forever.

►►► 

short little chapter for you guys! niall's not in this one, hope you don't hate me too much ;)

anyway, i just want to thank you all for the dedication to this story, your support is incredible, i love reading your comments so much (some of them honestly kill me) (y'all are too funny)

here's another joke: what did the grape say when someone stepped on it? nothing, it just let out a little wine