The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Aftermath

Chapter Six

I sat in the car, wiping the tears away from my face. I looked in the car mirror and cringed at the sight of my own reflection.

My face was all pink and puffy. The supposedly "waterproof" mascara was starting to collect under my eyes.

I can't go looking like this! I stop in a Starbucks to splash my face with some water. When I get back in the car I re-apply some of my makeup and run my hands through my hair.

Better, but not by much

And I pull up in front of butcher shop. I hear the bell ring as I walk in the door. I take a deep breath and trudge up the stairs.

It's about 3:00 and a Saturday. I saw Ricky's car out back- I know he's here. I work up as much courage as possible and knock on the door.

Behind the door, I hear a delighted squeal of my little boy. A sound I didn't realized how much I missed. But oh boy, was it great to hear now.

And I hear heavier footsteps walk towards the door and it swings open. To reveal a very shocked Ricky. We stand there awkwardly.

"Can I come in?" I ask with a nervous, unsettling laugh.

This seems to bring Ricky out of his stupor.

"Uh yeah, oh of course," he says with a small, awkward smile.

I come in and pick up John. I hug him and give him hugs and kisses. I tell him that I missed him and that I love him. But that I need to talk to daddy for a minute.

He runs off to play with toys in his room. I wipe my very sweaty palms on my leggings. If I don't do this now, and don't know if I'll ever be brave enough again.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale

"I need to talk you."

"I assumed that's why you're here," Ricky said.

Everything was so stiff and uncomfortable with the man I was ready to marry two short weeks ago.

"There's really no easy way to say this," I begin, voice trembling, hands shaking.

"I bet I already know. You have some other boyfriend, don't you?" He asked cruelly, his voice cold and bitter as ice. "It's Ben isn't it? And that's why you've only called you own son one time. ONE TIME, AMY."

"You dumped me and just moved right onto the next guy. You needed something new and exciting and I was just old news wasn't I? You never really cared about me, did you? NEVER. YOU BROKE MY HEA-"

"I'm pregnant!" I cry out. If I could see my face now, I'd be terrified.

"Well that's not my problem," he jeered. "Does the guy wants to marry you and do the 'right' thing. Well I'd just LOVE to talk to him and tell him to run now while he can."

I can't believe he's saying all this. How is my sweet, gentle, loving Ricky being, with no other way to put it, a jackass.

"No, Ricky," I sob. "You don-t don't understand. It-it-it's yours." My voice sounds so hoarse from all the crying. I cover my hands with my face and continue to cry.

I lift my head back up to see Ricky, more shocked then I have EVER seen him.

"No Amy," he says. He sound so broken. After all the nasty, fowl things he just said, I should hate him. But my heart cracks hearing his sad voice. "Tell me it's not true."

"I'm sorry." I whisper over and over again. "What are we going to do Ricky?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know either," I answer solemnly. I try to wipe my face and blow my nose with a tissue from my purse.

I see big fat tears slowly roll down Ricky's face. I need to make a decision right now. Stay here in Cali, or go back to Hudson University, the place of my dreams.

Go back to Hudson University. I'm just not going to think about the baby right now. I'll just pretend like it's not happening until I finish summer school. Then make a real decision.

This reminds me an awful lot of what I did when I found out I was having John.

I suddenly remember all the terrible things Ricky said. "Well," I say, standing up. "I just wanted to, you know, let you know. And umm I'll just go say goodbye to John and get the next flight out I guess."

I turn to go into my little boy's room, without waiting for a response from Ricky.

"Hey John," I coo in that tone you use when talking to little kids. "It's mommy."

He ran up to me and hugged me at the knees. I lifted him up and he buried his face in my shoulder. He smelled so good.

"I heard you and Daddy yelling," He tells me. "It makes me sad when you fight."

I can almost hear my heart shatter.

"Oh baby," I whisper in his ear. "It's okay. We're not fighting. We both love you very much. But mommy has to leave again soon. Do you want to play for a little while?"

I see a grin light up his face and I let him down. We push little toy cars all over the map on his carpet. And then he falls asleep on the floor, utterly exhausted.

I pick him up as gently as I can and tuck him in. When I give him a kiss on his forehead I see his eyelids flutter. I'm going miss John so, so much.

I buy the cheapest airfare I can find and the boarding time is in five hours. I brace myself and head back into the living room.

I approach Ricky. He's in the kitchen, getting dinner ready.

"Ricky, I am staying in New York for the summer. We'll see after that. This is my decision. I'll keep in touch."

I walk out the door.

"No emotion, no emotion, no emotion"
I repeat this over and over in my head.

And I drive back over to Anne's, park the car in the driveway, and call a local taxi to get my to the airport.

I start to doze off once I'm on the plane. "'Maybe when I wake up, this will all be a dream," I mutter to myself before I finally drift off into a undisturbed sleep.